Dude tried to chat me up at bus stop!

[Joanna Dark]

To give the guy his due, he had a lot more chutzpah than I ever did as a "dude" - I never had the nerve to chat up women I knew let alone ones that just happened to be standing at the bus stop.

So, you don't like men? Like you would never be with one? I'm just wondering because a lot  the repsonses seem to be "guys suck" but what happens if you like men? I mean, I love men, so if a good looking guy just came up and started talking to me, I would be super excited. It happened one time. He is now my on again-off again, back on-again BF. So I think alot of this has to deal with how you view men, sexually. I like women too, but always end up just being friends.My personality just kind of gravitates towards masculine people.

[Ms Grace]

I have a strong attraction to women, although like you I tend to end up with them being friends instead of lovers. Guys... some of them are sweet and some of them are very attractive, handsome and/or charming but they don't turn me on.

BTW, I ran the scenario past a woman at work and she said he got off pretty easy...she used to tell people like that to @#*< off! I feel like a paragon of sweetness now!

[Jamie D]

Ms Grace:  When she's good, she's very, very good.  But, when she's bad ...

she's better. 

[Tori]

Oh Gracie, you are developing an intuition. A woman's one.

Just be safe. A rude comment may be met with retaliation.

[Eva Marie]

Oh Gracie, you are developing an intuition. A woman's one.

Yes indeed. Some may see what Grace said as rude but she was there and we weren't so we should not be judgmental about what was said. She is the best judge of her own safety, and she is the best judge of who she should avoid talking to. Besides, she is under no obligation to engage this individual in conversation, especially since he is a stranger that didn't even bother to be polite - "What are you up to?" - Really? Very smooth

Just be safe. A rude comment may be met with retaliation.

Yeah, softening your response a little and smiling while also keeping your distance and not encouraging further conversation is probably a good idea.

[ath]

I think you were right in doing what you did, because I feel like any time your 'spidy sense' is tingling, i.e. your instinct is telling you to avoid that person, it is probably a good idea to follow your instincts. Better safe than sorry. You should always take your gut feelings into consideration. Logically, I know high places are not dangerous if I am safe with them. Yet I am a total baby when it comes to heights, even short ones, and I let my instincts rule me in that regard.

Here's an example of my spidy sense tingling. This one wasn't me getting hit on or anything, but the guy certainly didn't seem to have good intentions and the conversation starting out pretty much the same way (I felt like he was potentially targeting me for robbery or something).

I was parked in this somewhat creepy parking lot behind my girlfriends work, changing one of my headlights that had just gone out - I seem to have very bad luck getting pulled over when I have a light out so I always change them immediately. This guy started approaching, and as he is standing behind my car (blocked from view due to the car hood being up) he said "Heeeyyyy, you stickin' around for a while?" This struck me as a strange thing to say to someone messing around under their car's hood. I'd expect 'need any help?' or 'what's wrong with your car' or any number of things, but definitely not what he said. I said "no, just changing a headlight and going"

Then he walked along the side of my car towards me, uncomfortably close to my car the entire time (practically touching it). Luckily I was in the middle of slicing open the replacement headlight's package with my 5 inch folding stiletto knife I've had since I was 10. When he passed the hood of my car he could actually see my hands, and see that in one of them was a long, skinny, very stabby looking knife. The instant he saw it I saw his facial expression change, and he instantly turned around and briskly walked off, abruptly breaking off conversation. I finished up really quick and got out of there since it made me feel ultra paranoid.

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry, this whole conversation is very strange. I live in Chicago, even if walking around as a male much less a female and a guy came up to me on the street and innocently said " Hi what's up" I definitely reserve the right to judge the situation as I see fit.

[Ltl89]

It's the largest one in Sydney, many buses and many people during the afternoon peak hour. In all the hundreds of times and many years I've used it (in dude mode) no one has ever tried to engage me with "Hello. What are you up to?"! Maybe, "Is this the bus to Glebe?" Or "How do I get to Chinatown?" But not a clear attempt at chatting me up. I'm with Natalia in that his intention was obvious. Maybe I should be flattered and maybe he was a nice guy with no agenda but my instant reaction was I didn't feel safe talking to him or even rebuffing him in a more gentle way.

And please don't get the impression I'm like that all the time to everyone, I'm friendly and I love talking to people but they have to be people I feel comfortable with and in circumstances I feel I have some understanding of what's going on.

It's funny, I fully anticipated it could happen but I suppose I'm not used to the idea of guys chatting me up and to be honest it's a bit freaky when it happens. I'm not sexually interested in men but if I'm to live as a woman that's going to be part of the landscape it would seem so I guess I should work a bit on my "thanks, but no thanks" response and not freak out the minute a guy comes onto me.

There is nothing wrong with that.  I was just unsure if I was missing something on the whole talking at a bus stop.  My only real experience with public buses was at my old university and when I studied in Italy.  It seemed common for people to talk, though I could imagine some places and situations could definitely have an awkward air about them.  Best to proceed with whatever makes you feel most safe and comfortable.  To be honest, I'm really not used to come ons from men, so it's hard for me to guess their intentions.

As for a tangent, if I didn't chat with a stranger on a public bus, I could still be completely lost in Rome.  I remember I once got completely lost on the way back from the Vatican and had no phone and knew very little Italian.  Thank god I ran into some lovely Italian woman that knew English and how to get me back to my hotel, lol.  So, sometimes it can have it's uses.