Hey everyone,
My name is Jasmine and I was born a man, but want to live as a woman. I'm 18 (b-day 2 days ago) and a senior in high school and here is my story so far-
Half way into my freshman year I put on my mom's bra and it felt right. Up to this point I had no gender issues and the introduction of this new feeling was very confusing. About 6 months later my dad found some of my mom's clothes in my room. He sat me down and told me that it was OK because I was just trying to find myself. He didn't tell my mom because he said she wouldn't understand. She would fine out days later when she found more clothes in my room. I was punished for taking her things and nothing more was said.
Over the next year I would rebel more- running away and doing things that they said I shouldn't and taking more clothes. I learned that my dad thought I had an unnatural attraction to my mom but I couldn't say anything about it because when serious things like that came up in conversation I would become anxious and say nothing. So I rebelled more to show them how I felt.
Midway into my junior year I had clothes taken from my school bus driver meant for my mom and younger sister (who knows none of what I have written) and I had a regular time of cross-dressing while my parents were at work and my sister was sleeping. One day I decided when my mom got home from work I would meet her in drag. I did this to show how I felt and when she saw me, she said nothing. I was happy and I felt great thinking that she finally understood me. 2 days later my mom and my dad sat me down and we had a talk. The only part I remember now was when my mom told me with tears in her eyes that men's clothes are for men and women's clothes are for women. My dad agreed. I felt terrible for a week and even tried to kill myself but the thought of my friends kept me from doing it. The next day I told them that I'm gay and a cross dresser. Every friend that I had then I still do today.
My friends eventually talked me into coming out to my parents near the end of my junior year. I sat my mom down and said "mom there's a good chance that I'm a ->-bleeped-<-" and she said that what I did when I moved out was up to me. I let my mom tell my dad.
Now about a year later and I now realize that my parents are not the only ones to blame. There were ways that I could have told them without hurting them and disrespecting them, but the same is for them. They could have made this a lot easier on me too.
To wrap things up I will say a bit (more) about me. I haven't transitioned at all and I still live with my parents. I joined this site to learn a bit more about the transgender community and culture and to learn more about myself. I have yet to tell anyone else in my family about how I feel because they are too close to my parents to side with me. I hope to go to college at the end of the year to become an author and my ultimate wish in life is to help others like me. To end, I have a question: I want to go to college as a woman but have yet to do anything to transition. With only about 6 months until I go to college I don't know if I have time to transition enough to present as a believable woman. Also while going to college I don't know if I can afford the therapy, hormones, clothes, makeup, or whatever else.
Did you have these problems too? If so I need help.
Happy to find a site like this and thanks for reading the post.
(Sorry for the length of the post and I hope to post back as soon as possible, but I don't have access to the internet often).
Love, Jasmine
