Prom Prob

[Jasmine96]

i dont know if prom was an issue for any of you but it is for me. i want to go to prom but only in a dress and here is the main issue- i asked one of my teachers what would happen if i did and she said they wouldnt even let me into prom like that. she said also that it would be easier for the schools uppers just to tell me no. so in final she asked me how far im willing to take this because its going to be a fight. im mentally prepared to come out but this is a very difficult decision. is this a fight i should join or should i let prom go? this fight may even get larger if i do start- like state or even national which is why im so nervous. so fight or not?
(also the rest of my story is in my introduction)

[sad panda]

Ugh, I hate to say it but I don't think it's worth it. That kind of stuff makes news a lot and it could follow you forever. I didn't go to prom and it hurts so much though.

Do what your heart tells you but either way, big hugs and tc.

[ToxicFox]

Tell them that they're being discriminatory and if that doesn't work let them know you could take them to court and/or contact the news. Once these stories go national the school tends to get a lot of calls which means it isn't worth it to refuse you if they think about it hard enough. You just have to make them think. I wouldn't really advice you to contact the news because that stuff can blow up pretty bad but it makes a good threat.

[Jane's Sweet Refrain]

My heart truly goes out to you. I remember how painful it was attending my proms as someone I was not. Just remember that with transition, life will get better. I'm supposing this teacher is someone you know and someone you trust. But I wonder if that teacher actually knows what she is talking about. Is there a policy on the books governing dress at the school or school functions? In the same way, does your school have an anti-bullying, anti-discrimination policy? You might be more protected (and they might have less power) than you or the teacher imagines.

I guess my point is that putting the question to the school administration might result in a different answer. And asking a principal (if you are in the US) probably won't result in a national news story. It might make a big difference if they know that you will be dressing to match your identity rather than dressing as a gag. If the administration says 'no', then you can decide whether you want to fight.

If it ends up that you don't go as your real self, I hope you'll still buy the dress. One day, you can wear it while you dance with your partner or spouse.

[Emerson]

It isn't fair, but if you don't stand up for yourself who will? Nothing can change unless someone brave takes a risk. It doesn't have to be you, but it can be!

[Lauren5]

Meh, prom wasn't for me. I didn't have a date, and for sure I knew I wouldn't be allowed to go as female even if I was out to my parents and friends and had clothes at the time (which I didn't.) I invited several friends to a dinner (which you would have had to pay separate from the $75 prom ticket) but only two came, so that was kinda disappointing. One of them didn't even follow the dress code (nice shirt and shorts/pants) and arrived in his trademark university T shirt (always Creighton or Nebraska) and basketball shorts.

Some of the LGB(T) (I put the T in parentheses because not many of the people at any of them know much about transpeople, some are even offensive about it occasionally, saying things like "you're OK the way you are, don't change" or "You're just trying to turn gay guys straight (lol the opposite of what some straight guys think)") caucuses on campus are planning a so called "pride prom," to make up for the many people who were not allowed to go to their prom the way they would have wanted (like not being able to bring a date of the same sex or dress as your preferred gender) so that's pretty cool.

It may be difficult, but if you really want to wear a dress to prom and you're facing opposition, it may be best not to go rather than risk a suspension or other discipline from the school, especially if you were kinda meh on going otherwise. If you really want to go, for sure fight it. Go straight to the superintendent of the district, it may save you time and hassle to do it that way.

[Jess42]

I really wouldn't even fight it and would let it go unless you want to make a statement and then there would be repercussions from that from your classmates and administration. Especially from what you mentioned the teacher said. Do what your heart tells you but be prepared for the consequences. Also try to drum up support enough as to make the school admins think twice.

[stephaniec]

I don't know , what's the success rate of others who have fought in the last 20 or 30 years

[Jamie D]

Rent a kilt

[missy1992]

If I were you, I would go in the dress. Prom is a major moment in your life and you don't want to go with regret. How do you think I feel when I see pictures of myself in a suit and tie?

Whatever you do, make sure you jump in with both feet!

[allisonsteph]

i dont know if prom was an issue for any of you but it is for me. i want to go to prom but only in a dress and here is the main issue- i asked one of my teachers what would happen if i did and she said they wouldnt even let me into prom like that. she said also that it would be easier for the schools uppers just to tell me no. so in final she asked me how far im willing to take this because its going to be a fight. im mentally prepared to come out but this is a very difficult decision. is this a fight i should join or should i let prom go? this fight may even get larger if i do start- like state or even national which is why im so nervous. so fight or not?
(also the rest of my story is in my introduction)

Wow, I applaud you for being so aware of what you need and the potential consequences of taking up this fight to be yourself. You have an incredibly bright future ahead of you young lady.

I've been sitting here staring at what you have typed an trying to think of a coherent response for half an hour. The world is such a different place than it was when I was your age. It is so much more accepting and safer for GLBT folks than it was in the mid 1980s, yet there is so much more work to do.

I think that if I were going to prom today, I would wear the dress and be myself, consequences be damned. I hope that you are able to go to your prom as your true self with out it turning into an epic sh*t storm.

[JennX]

Depends on how important it is to you.

You also could go in wearing a tux... and change in the bathroom after you get there . Good luck to them picking you out of the crowd then.