Hybrid ?

[KayT]

Hi, I have recently joined here because as an xxy person I have owned up to the fact that thoughts of transition have always been in my mind but viciously oppressed within myself prior to the xxy diagnosis, where since I have consoled myself with the fact that I was happily not the male I was always trying to be and of gender I happily accept the term inter sex as it describes both the internal and the external combined, but I need more hence why I am pondering for real the thought of transition or put another way aligning my body with what's inside and so ;

Hybrid is what I believe an xxy is through that inter sex where does this sound odd, my desire for transition is not to female of which I don't believe I could ever be through lacking the internal plumbing, but in fact an external mixture of both where I do desire breasts and female fat dstribution, where as the other two thirds of the xxy population I lack the gynocomastia and the fat distribution, in fact as near middle aged I am tall and slim with an undeveloped almost boyish physique but male where I don't want to be male, I want to align the external with the internal which is a mixture of male and female, I seek an inter sex body to match what is inside.

Of course I understand if I do seek transition introduction of female hormones may modify my designs but for now, what I seek is an external half way point.

Oh and if you are thinking I want to keep my penis, know this, I have not used it for it's sexual design for ten years for I am passive by nature and sexually so despite being asexual, where I don't act male on the human attraction front, I'm not active as males are expected to be, my body language it has been observed as in fact female.

[mm]

Have you talked with a therapist to help you figure out how you want to live your life?  You seems to me to want to be more female for your body and then how you live.

[KayT]

Therapists, I'm in the UK and so far I have been denied access to what I was referred for by a genetic counsellor who noted I was in dire need of gender counselling at the earliest opportunity, where the relationship between myself and my doctor has broken down and I am fed up changing doctors trying to find one that has the capacity to care, because experience so far is there appears to be a communication problem in that they are not listening to me nor caring about my mental welfare where I have even had it from my last GP- we can't help you, don't come back unless you have a medical worry

But all is not lost,the LGBT are more caring and are aware of this stuff where they have arranged counselling to be commenced in the next couple of months, where the organisation that has taken interest in my case works closely with the regional transgender clinic, where the advocate  told me, the last xxy they helped had nearly the same problems with the NHS as me- they didn't listen and that XXY sought transgender too and is now very happy.


As to how I live, I live on my own and aside from ten years where I tried to be normal and got married, I have always lived on my own and I am three years short of fifty now. But in living on my own I have the freedom to be myself and indulge in what interests me which at home is the usual feminine, skin care, hair care, nails and body shaving, where I grow my hair long and love it. Of hobbies I restore sewing machines and use them for making my own clothing in the sensuous fabrics I love to wear and designs from another period in history where the ghillie shirt was unisex at one time and I love the way they cling and flow especially in silk. I also with my dress making skills make belly dance costume as yes I take tuition in belly dance, where again I focus on designs from antiquity which was at that time unisex attire. I also make and wear my own designs in metal jewellery, silver mostly.

But I don't cross dress through shear practicality and what I wear is unisex where sometimes acceptable cross gender skirted garments are worn when the weather is hot enough as I both feel and hate the cold.

What I do for a living is I'm a metal artist and sometimes mechanic.

[mm]

KayT, you do have an entirely different system in the UK from the US, there are pros and cons to both. The T-community will be much more understanding of your situation as you have found out.  They understand the conflict between body and mind when it comes to gender.

[KayT]

First off I find this a very confusing website in that I cannot reply to those that have taken the trouble to message in private and so I will say here for those that may be watching;

Thank You, it is good to know you exist and have sought what you need in common with my hybrid thoughts, because they are hybrid in that I don't feel as though I am a woman trapped in a man's body all the time, what I feel is that I am not male and don't want to be any more male than what I am but most of the time exist as neutral until either society reminds me of my appearance and so how I must exist or it just comes out of the blue, although I must admit I feel it coming sometimes I become most unhappy at my male appearance and what is societally attached to it, where society is myopic in it's view it sees the external only and blatantly ignores what is behind the mask.

And so I read the hybrid doesn't fit with the transgender, well that would figure as inter sex thought is we don't fit into the binary for we cannot help our chromosomal arrangement, so how can the binary understand us as what an XY of XX is even when they have changed their appearance and whatever else comes through hormone intervention, for we are chromosomally different, something modern science cannot touch, where it is even having trouble understanding what we are beyond what can be read in measurements.

My story is unusually I have been told as an xxy I don't have hormone problems, I am xy normal and to just go away we can't help you, but what they fail to understand is that there is a lot more to xxy than just what can be medicated and appearances can be deceptive for what is ignored is what's inside.the emotional and how we feel as people where the assumption is, if you are xxy you want to be be more male amidst societal pressure, you want to be just like your peers, where they totally ignore the loners in society who just want to be happy in themselves.

But as always, minorities are ignored so they don't exist.

But we do and we are hurting and have nowhere to turn because the caring isn't interested because they can't understand.