Actually, I'm NOT Insecure about My Masculinity

[Arch]

Sometimes I will get into a trans-related discussion with someone who knows my past (or even someone who doesn't), and this tired old thing comes up, that most men are insecure about their masculinity (in America, anyway), and so I (or the trans man in question) am not alone.

The thing is, I'm not insecure about my masculinity. It has been a constant in my life, even when I fought it. I am comfortable with my degree of "masculinity"--by which I mean, the degree to which I do or do not fit into stereotypical, established patterns.

What I am insecure about is my MALENESS.

[Polo]

THANK YOU, it's not just me!!  I have always been masculine, and comfortable in it; I strive toward being a good Man.  What I waffle about is how far into physical male-dom I really need to go.

Some days I think that if there were just an article of clothing or pin a person could put on that would advertise what gender they were, I would put on the 'Man" one without hesitation, and maybe wouldn't have to go through with the physical aspects.

This usually only lasts until I really look at myself in the mirror, though...

But I definitely feel you on this, a lot of cisgender people don't get that sex =/= gender.

[randomroads]

I'm glad I am not alone! I have no issues with insecurities when it comes to my masculinity. I am who I am, and I'm completely comfortable with being myself.

[Mal]

Exactly! There are a few guys in my family who are insecure about their masculinity, but that's one thing I've never been insecure about. What makes me insecure is that my body doesn't match my masculinity.

[Edge]

I currently feel secure about my masculinity and my maleness, but feel insecure about other people constantly perceiving me as female and someone I'm not.

[Whynaut]

I currently feel secure about my masculinity and my maleness, but feel insecure about other people constantly perceiving me as female and someone I'm not.

I'm usually in this boat too. I wish people on the street could just see me the way I do.

[Adam (birkin)]

Glad you clarified this...a lot of people seem to conflate the two quite often. I'm at peace with my masculinity, not so much with my physical maleness.

[randomroads]

BTW birkin, good luck with your consult!

[Kreuzfidel]

What is meant by "insecure in one's masculinity"?

Does that mean that one has to "prove" he's a man in order to feel validated?  Because otherwise, I don't really get that statement.

[Sephirah]

What is meant by "insecure in one's masculinity"?

Does that mean that one has to "prove" he's a man in order to feel validated?  Because otherwise, I don't really get that statement.

Sorry to chime in here, chaps, but in my experience that's exactly what it means. I've been rather unfortunate enough to be around groups of guys who felt they had to assert their masculinity and try to be "one of the lads", to which end they would go to sometimes extraordinary lengths of idiocy and recklessness which proved nothing to me other than it seemed they were slightly unhinged. But I think that in those social groups, the more one lost their sanity and engaged in foolhardy pursuits, the more one was perceived as fitting in and being one of the guys. Proving they were a man by being an idiot. At least to my mind, but I suspect it was something like from the movie 300, sending the young Leonidas to fight the wolf. A test of... something. Not exactly sure what. Bravery? Machismo? Maybe.

[Arch]

A lot of guys just worry about the things they say and do because they are worried that they won't be seen as sufficiently masculine. They know they are men/male, no question.

In my experience observing and reading about men, the insecurity often comes down to feelings that they are "not real men," but it has nothing to do with physical sex.

[Adam (birkin)]

BTW birkin, good luck with your consult!

Thanks, I set the ticker at 2 months...can't believe it's almost here. At the time it couldn't come soon enough.

[Arch]

Thanks, I set the ticker at 2 months...can't believe it's almost here. At the time it couldn't come soon enough.

That is a long wait. Do you know about when the surgery will be? I remember looking into Brownstein and Meltzer, and they were scheduled months out. I wouldn't have had time to recover before needing to be back at work, and I was supposed to move out right before going back to work! If I hadn't found a local guy with a nice, open schedule, I don't know what I would have done.

[Adam (birkin)]

That is a long wait. Do you know about when the surgery will be? I remember looking into Brownstein and Meltzer, and they were scheduled months out. I wouldn't have had time to recover before needing to be back at work, and I was supposed to move out right before going back to work! If I hadn't found a local guy with a nice, open schedule, I don't know what I would have done.

It depends on when I can afford it, honestly. I'll probably find out a price at the consult, and then I'm thinking I'll make my goal for saving the cash October or November. I definitely want to have it by the end of 2014, if it's possible for me.