Disappointed, Angry, Sad and Considering Leaving - Rant

[Colleen♡Callie]

That has to be the best description of a moderator I've read.

I've moderated before for a roleplay board, and a yeah, the part of recognizing the balance between support and balancing.  I've run across a number of people that naturally just seem to walk the line between what is okay and what isn't, not purposely and not crossing.  It's important to recognize when someone is close to the line without going over it as well.  And that isn't always as clear cut as it sounds.

I tend to have a lot of respect for staff knowing the headache it can be. 

P.S. Just kinda realized that might sound like I'm waving my hand saying "hey, I'd be good as a staff."  Not what I am doing.  I'm a nervous-wreck atm moment stuck in the limbo as I wait to begin transitioning.  So, at least for now, probably not remotely an ideal choice.  Maybe later in the year when I've started transitioning and things have normaled out some, but not at the moment.

[Hayley]

Not going to really join in on the debate about the site and stuff. I just wanted to say it would be sad to see you leave Jill. I enjoy your posts and comments on things. Plus you've met (read: got drunk with) Slash which makes you a rather awesome lady in my book. I understand how you feel about the drama and arguments. It's part of the reason I tend to lurk instead of post unless it's something not drama related. I do also understand this is a place where people vent and get things off their chest. Hopefully you stick around but if you can't then you cant. Also wanted to add I don't get the whole +/- thing but oh well there are many things I don't understand.

[V M]

I think you should stay around Jill, you need support just as much as anyone else and I have often enjoyed your posts

It would be a shame to lose you because of some political bully

[LJP]

I understand how you feel Jill. I had similar thoughts, but thought it was just me. I'm kinda thin skinned. For me leaving due to someone else's behavior seems like it's punishing yourself. There isn't much support or community for us. This site allows you to interact and share with persons with similar problems and victories. My solution was to step back and not participate as much. For me it was a better solution than leaving. It's not perfect , but I can say it would be a loss for this community if you left us.

[Jill F]

I think you should stay around Jill, you need support just as much as anyone else and I have often enjoyed your posts

It would be a shame to lose you because of some political bully

Actually that wasn't quite what prompted me to say what I thought needed said today, but that was certainly an example of some of the things that happen here that I have developed a particular distaste for and think could stand some improvement.  My thoughts about this infighting have been brewing for several weeks now, but I finally was made so angry about someone's disgusting ad hominem attack (actually directed at someone else) last week that was left unmoderated for long enough that I finally got mad enough to feel the need to get under someone else's skin.  It's a symptom of an atmosphere that has been allowed to become a bit too toxic for my taste.  I don't want to be the person who ends up sending an at-risk person over the edge, and felt like I had finally actually become part of what I consider to be the problem.  I just want for us to be a happier family and for the wedge-driving to cease.  We aren't always going to agree about everything, but when people are in your face about them being right and you being wrong so often, I start to wonder if my time here is best spent elsewhere.  We need to advance ourselves in this world, and infighting will never accomplish that. 

Most of you are awesome, BTW.

[kaylagirl0806]

Jill I sincerely hope you stay and also hope I have not been part of the fray. You have given me great advice and you would be another one of those good people we lost if you left
Kisses,
Kayla

[Nero]

I think you should stay around Jill, you need support just as much as anyone else and I have often enjoyed your posts

It would be a shame to lose you because of some political bully

Actually that wasn't quite what prompted me to say what I thought needed said today, but that was certainly an example of some of the things that happen here that I have developed a particular distaste for and think could stand some improvement.  My thoughts about this infighting have been brewing for several weeks now, but I finally was made so angry about someone's disgusting ad hominem attack (actually directed at someone else) last week that was left unmoderated for long enough that I finally got mad enough to feel the need to get under someone else's skin.  It's a symptom of an atmosphere that has been allowed to become a bit too toxic for my taste.  I don't want to be the person who ends up sending an at-risk person over the edge, and felt like I had finally actually become part of what I consider to be the problem.  I just want for us to be a happier family and for the wedge-driving to cease.  We aren't always going to agree about everything, but when people are in your face about them being right and you being wrong so often, I start to wonder if my time here is best spent elsewhere.  We need to advance ourselves in this world, and infighting will never accomplish that. 

Most of you are awesome, BTW.

Well, like I mentioned, we are short handed. And even when we're not, we don't always see everything. If you see something, just report it. Reporting something doesn't always mean we'll agree it's a problem, but it does it bring it to our attention. Even if we don't see a need for action at that time, it's still on record should there be future problems with the member.

[Colleen♡Callie]

Hugs.  I'm sorry you had to deal with those things.

But you are definitely not part of the problem.  As I've said, and many other have said too.  You're a great and wonderful addition to this site and I've enjoyed your posts, your personality and your input you've shared throughout the forums.  It would be a shame to see you go.

[Jill F]

Hello everyone who has chimed in on this today and those who are reading,

A few thoughts...

Thank you all for the kind words.  I actually had no idea that I meant this much to the trans* comm-unity here.  Many of you warmed my heart in a way I think I really needed today.  I am glad I have actually helped so many of you through your daily struggles, as many have helped me.

Perhaps if we could all try to always offer each other moral support instead of trying to tear each other down, many more of us would be inclined to participate more often.  I would hate to see this forum turn into a place where who is right has been determined by who is left.  There are plenty of places on the internet to argue, and I just don't see this as one of them. 

This place has so much potential to save and improve lives that I have been convinced to stick around.  That being said, there are things here that I will avoid from now on- religion, politics, trolling, any hot-button issues and the +/- buttons. 

Now who wants cookies?  I'm baking a fresh batch.

[Jessica Merriman]

This place has so much potential to save and improve lives that I have been convinced to stick around.  Now who wants cookies?  I'm baking a fresh batch.

Thank you so much Jill! I am sooooo happy!

Any double chocolate chip cookies left?

[Jill F]

Thank you so much Jill! I am sooooo happy!

Any double chocolate chip cookies left?

I ate the last one some time ago, that's why I'm making more.  How did you know about the double part? 

[Jessica Merriman]

I ate the last one some time ago, that's why I'm making more.  How did you know about the double part? 

We're girl's silly! Chocolate is our Zen thing. *giggles*

[Eva Marie]

Jill-

I have been on this board for almost 6 years now (wow, where did all of that time go?). I've watched people (some in this very thread) evolve into who they are today from a very different starting point (myself included). I have seen people come and people go - sometimes I stumble across an old thread and I'm shocked at the people that I knew that posted in that thread; people that used to be super active members here but have now faded  into oblivion. I've seen some very ugly times on this board; fighting, cattiness, snide remarks..... people not on their best behavior and seemingly going out of their way to hurt others; times when I became so disgusted that I swore that I was done here and that I'd never come back. Maybe like you are feeling now.

And yes, there were times where I felt I was not welcome here for various reasons that I won't get into here. Suffice it to say that the board was in an extreme state of upheaval because of a few members. I have been dressed down and ridiculed by certain "elite" members (one in particular) that apparently did not think too much of me or what I had to say.

But i still hang around. Why? Because I am going through the scariest thing i've ever faced in my life right now, and my friends and support system are here. If I stumble and fall I know that there are always people with an outstretched hand and a kind word here. Susan's is a home for me, and I feel free to explore myself and my feelings here. I don't know of another support website that offers what susan's does. I'd also like to think that I can offer some useful help to others from time to time; sort of paying it forward.

I have also learned over the years to identify threads that are dynamite and I stay out of them. Threads that will push my buttons. Life is too short to argue about some of the things that get argued about here IMO, and at the end of the day it's all posturing and no one's mind is changed.

I have taken some breaks from the site before when it all became too much. It's hard to deal with trans overload 24x7; sometimes you just need to stop and go do something else to keep from getting burned out. Maybe that is where you are now.

One thing that is a constant on this board is change. The things that aggravate you today may well be gone tomorrow, or the next day. Sometimes it takes a bit longer than that to change, but it always changes.

Instead of leaving permanently maybe you just need to take a break and go get some sunshine and fresh air. You are just too cool to lose Jill.

And if you left, who would update the Jill-isms thread?

Take care my friend-
~Eva

[Colleen♡Callie]

I think avoiding those topics is wise.  I tend to avoid too.  Most I've done in participation of any was add some interesting history tidbits.  Cuz history is interesting.

Cookies are good.  So is moral support. 

I think we can all strive to take a step back and ask ourselves if "posting this is necessary, does it help or support another person, does it bring anything positive to the forum?  Or is it putting someone in their place, or defending my opinion?  If so why do I need to defend my opinion?  Was someone just sharing a differing opinion?" 

I think a lot can be avoided if people take a breath and examine the motivation for posting and asking themselves it if is a constructive positive post.

[Jill F]

I think avoiding those topics is wise.  I tend to avoid too.  Most I've done in participation of any was add some interesting history tidbits.  Cuz history is interesting.

Cookies are good.  So is moral support. 

I think we can all strive to take a step back and ask ourselves if "posting this is necessary, does it help or support another person, does it bring anything positive to the forum?  Or is it putting someone in their place, or defending my opinion?  If so why do I need to defend my opinion?  Was someone just sharing a differing opinion?" 

I think a lot can be avoided if people take a breath and examine the motivation for posting and asking themselves it if is a constructive positive post.

^This^  Nice post.

[Colleen♡Callie]

Thank you.

I think we as people too often get caught up in our own drama and crap happening in our lives, we forget to take a step back and consider what drama and crap the other person has been going through.  We tend to forget they are going through a lot of the same thing we are, or perhaps more if they're in a less accepting area.  It goes a long way to be understanding and respectful of someone that might forget this as well.  No reason we have to rise to the insult or harsh words back.

A lot of things can be solved by getting a new perspective.

[V M]

I was kinda hoping for a biscotti 

[Colleen♡Callie]

I was kinda hoping for a biscotti 

There's always that one person . 

Actually I don't think I've ever had biscotti.  What does it taste like?

[Jill F]

There's always that one person . 

Actually I don't think I've ever had biscotti.  What does it taste like?

A chocolate chip cookie with not quite enough sugar? LOL

[Colleen♡Callie]

A chocolate chip cookie with not quite enough sugar? LOL

I'll um, stick to the double chocolate chip cookies then.

Serious topic, flippant response.

Or, injecting some humor to lighten things up.  Often times doing so can help ease any tension.  It is something employed by storytellers everywhere and is quite effective.  Not all humor in a serious post is automatically a flippant response.  And I suspect more often than not the intent is far from flippant.