Anyone have mixed feelings?

[suzifrommd]

for me when I went I honestly had no doubts as the dysphoria had finally gotten to a level that...

Well I should really clarify - I don't have any doubts. I'm as certain as I can be that I'm making the right decision. Just mixed feelings about losing those pieces of me that will no longer be there in their entirety when it's done.

[calico]

Well I should really clarify - I don't have any doubts. I'm as certain as I can be that I'm making the right decision. Just mixed feelings about losing those pieces of me that will no longer be there in their entirety when it's done.

I see kinda like the "if it aint broken don't..."   for me I never really thought of it that way, it was just something to me that had to happen, if I had been made of clay the could of just swiped it smooth and poked a hole and tossed the rest, as to me the left overs that weren't attached were better off in the trash because they certainly weren't getting used as they were made to be used :/
I guess my view about the pieces that would be discarded would be if their not being used or enjoyed than why have them? I have a certain bit of sadness because I cant have a child however it was a sacrifice that was made in knowledge.

[Anatta]

I confess I have mixed feelings about losing the parts of my body that SRS is going to eliminate. They're a part of me, they are intricately involved in keeping my body working properly, they produced two kids, and I still enjoy using them on a regular basis.

It's not that I have any doubt that this is right for me. I'm gladly making the change to have my body shaped the way I've always wanted it to be. But there are definitely mixed feelings about what I'll be giving up.

Has anyone else had mixed feelings about this?

Kia Ora Suzi,

Even though I didn't 'hate' the private parts, I had no mix feelings prior to nor after having them cut off and confiscated ...Having them just hanging there, they had become a wasted of space...

Do you think you will miss them when they are gone?

Metta Zenda

[Mx Pippa]

I love my cock, I love my tits, I love my naughty ->-bleeped-<- bits. Sorry guys, but I was born in the right body, it just needed some modification. I'm now a Transgender living in a Transgender body.

[Cindy]

I think I know where you are coming from Suzi,

I'm lined up but still have doubts, all the what ifs and fears that go with any surgery.

I then recall I have fears at every step, even getting my ears pierced terrified me.

I think doubt and fear are normal. Well my normal at least.

[anjaq]

I had severe diverticulitis with a colovesical fistula and had to have 2 feet of colon removed....  If I had to have a do-over, any less colon would impact the rest of my life negatively.

I get that in part. Definitely this is not something to look forward to. I needed 6 Months to get this fixed and to recover... - But I think normally a fistula does not need a removal of significant portions of the colon, does it? So even if that should happen, you would not loose that much colon to such an event - if it is treated right away in the case it occurs... or what do you consider a "do-over"?

having them cut off and confiscated ...

if I had been made of clay the could of just swiped it smooth and poked a hole and tossed the rest
I guess my view about the pieces that would be discarded would be if their not being used

I dont reall get this ... What is that talk about things being "cut off" and "tossed" - I mean a GOOD genital correction should transform the shape and only remove what is not fitting, but much of it should still be there but in a different shape. I think the expectation to "get rid of it" is something odd but commonly stated as it kind of refers to the shape but not really to the parts involved. So one wants to get rid of a shape, but not the parts themselves, except the testicles of course which are causing damage

Just mixed feelings about losing those pieces of me that will no longer be there in their entirety when it's done.

Which pieces do you think about there?

[suzifrommd]

I dont reall get this ... What is that talk about things being "cut off" and "tossed"?

OK. Let's get specific.

The testicles will be gone. They're not being reshaped or repurposed. They're being removed, totally taken away, no longer a part of me.

I have no love of testosterone and don't want much of it in my body ever again.

But those two organs helped keep my body healthy and in careful balance for over 50 years. When I started taking spiro, I screwed up that balance, and while I love its feminizing effects, I will be glad to end the spiro experience once my surgery is complete.

Removing the danglies will  permanently throw that balance out of whack. Yes, I do want life without T, but I'm still given pause that I'm meddling with a system that is very delicate.

[anjaq]

Thanks, that makes it all much clearer now

And indeed - you will remove a source of hormones from your system that is part of your endocrine system which is very complex. You will need to replace this forever - unless your body works out other ways - in some perople the other sources of hormone sin the body work well enough (testicles are not the only one ).
I see it in another way - the testicles kept the body in a state that somehow worked, but that was not at all in balance - specifically it was not in balance with the brain and the hypothalamus. That balance never was there and can only be created by changing the endocrine system from extern. The testicles never did a good job for that, so they are not a great loss as they caused a big imbalance actually. But I get that the whole transition is of course in the way the doctors say "taking a healthy male body and damaging it". But what is healthy and in balance - I see it that if you exclude the brain from the body, you are missing something important and if you include it there was never really a balance...

[divineintervention]

I really like the post you gave anjaq - as I have always had troubles squaring the thought of "butchering" my male parts except that I wasn't able to express it like you did so thanks!

[Lana P]

Mx Pippa I'm with you on what you said though I don't consider myself a ->-bleeped-<-. I consider my self a transsexual female because thats what I am.

And after about two months of not having "nuts" lol your hormones balance themselves out while taking estrogen. Its now been 4 months since I had my orchi and everything is great. I had 2 months of crazy crying at everything and I was easily angry. But everything is fine now. And I'm on a low dose of estrogen, my T levels are lower than a cis female and everything is great.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

And after about two months of not having "nuts" lol your hormones balance themselves out while taking estrogen. Its now been 4 months since I had my orchi and everything is great. I had 2 months of crazy crying at everything and I was easily angry. But everything is fine now. And I'm on a low dose of estrogen, my T levels are lower than a cis female and everything is great.

I went through a similar thing after my orchi. But I also went through the same thing when I started HRT. You just need to get past the initial stages and it's all good. I'm glad that I had the orchi done. That was the best decision that I ever made.

[Agent_J]

All I can say is that mixed feelings are sound cause for deeper analysis. Four weeks before I had SRS a large amount of doubt that had been so deeply buried in my psyche that I didn't consciously know it existed abruptly emerged. I really couldn't make heads or tails out of it - was it just fear, the stress I was under (a lot at the time,) or genuine issues with SRS? It's proving to be the latter for me now and I am working through those issues without much of a support network as a result.

[Calder Smith]

I'm kind of worried about the possible complications. I'm planning on getting phalloplasty which is much more risky than metoidioplasty; but I'm drawn to phallo because you can have an average size penis and can penetrate. There are more stages involved with phallo, like testicular implants and an erectile device (if you choose) which costs more $ for one, but there is a higher chance of some infection, total loss of sensation, and the penis can start to retract but I try not to worry because those happen in only some cases not all.  Other than being worried about possible complications, I'm not having really any second thoughts. I don't like my vag at all and I want it gone.

[JessicaNYCgirl]

At one time I thought definetly no. But feelings change and now im going soon and cant wait. In the end its a sticking point for me, I just dont like how it looks and I dont feel authentic and genuine. But its a big decision and I totally understand why some dont want to or are afraid. I do think it makes a difference though, I want to experience my female life as completely as possible and I cant do that with a penis. So for me, no doubts at all, not anymore.

OH MY GOD I THINK EXACTLY THE SAME WAY!   amber1964