Recently the guy I'm seeing has been working through his feelings about me being trans, and asked me about the process other lovers went through to deal with it. I told him I don't really know but I'll try to find out.
So I just got off the phone with the only person I seriously dated while I was transitioning, about twelve years ago now, and who's still a good friend. I asked this question: how did you, as a heterosexual man, come to terms with dating a transwoman?
I'll paraphrase what he said: "Honestly I just forgot about it after a while. I knew you as a boy but once you started identifying as a woman I became attracted to you so I just went for it. And then eventually your history was just not something I actively thought about since we were acquaintances before you transitioned, but my main experience of you is as a woman.
"Until you brought up this question, I actually forgot you were trans. It's not something that I actively think of when I think of you. The only time in the past few years I've associated you with being trans was when I was thinking of your accomplishments, and how you're such a go-getter despite being in a field that's so male-dominated. And then I thought, oh yeah, that's right, you have your history so you have a deeper understanding of what it means to be an ambitious woman."
This reaction was really unexpected to me, especially since we knew each other for at least a year before I transitioned, and I always think it's something he's conscious of when we're together. Apparently not. It'll be good to relay this to my current guy; I might actually have them talk to each other.
Have you asked other people how they perceive you? What did they say?
