Not passing in a specific place?

[NicholeD]

I'll start by saying I'm riding the fence between masculinity and femininity pretty hard. I feel like doing something about my voice and facial hair (mostly eyebrows) will be the tipping point.

But being on the line as much as I am, I get called Sir, Lady, Ma'am, etc. When I go out in public in a group or by myself, I generally get referred to a girl, even when I feel like crap, don't do anything to look nice, and just throw a jacket on and leave. So that's cool, even when I'm not necessarily trying I can be interpreted as a girl.

However, the strange thing is that I just can't be gendered a girl while I'm at college. Even if its the same outfit and day where people everywhere were calling me lady. I don't find this too much of a concern (especially considering my name is still Nicholas and my professors call me by that), just very interesting and weird; I'm curious if others have experienced this.

I basically started HRT at the end of my senior year in 2012, did a semester of college, fell into a second suicidal depression, got out again, and now I'm back in college with a new major and things are looking good. So the best I could figure is that when I'm at school I just sort of slip back into how I was acting my entire life in grade school, back when I was still trying to be a guy and... standoffish I guess.

It might also be relevant to state that I wear very gender neutral clothes at the moment... or technically men's clothes I guess. Just t-shirts or long sleeved shirts and men's jeans. (I might go full blown women's clothes next semester, but I'm still apprehensive about it. I at least want to get my voice under control before then)

I mean I guess it makes sense that if I'm right on the line, then a shift in demeanor could be the deciding factor but still.  Is this a thing that happens?

[mandonlym]

I fall back into old modes when with old friends, in places I used to go to pre-transition, etc. It's normal. You're probably moving in a way that signals something about your gender.

[castle of glass]

If they knew you as a male, then it's hard to lose that imprint. It could be that they think your experimenting with your presentation etc, or as you say your slipping back into old ways.

It just varies from person to person how they perceive you i suppose.

[Adam (birkin)]

This happens to me as well. I have specific places where I just can't pass to save my life, but I pass with no problem (as far as I know) everywhere else. I've never figured out why that is, but I think it's normal.

[barbie]

Do you have many friends in your campus? If so, then people may know you through hearsay.

I also teach at a college. Some students do not know me, and then I pass, which I do not want.

barbie~~

[Ltl89]

I'm thinking the fact that you wear men's clothes and are known in class as Nicholas may have something to do with it.  People have this knowledge that you're a "guy", and maybe they are just going along with it.  Perhaps they actually see you as female or girly but don't want to offend you?  It sounds like you and I are sort of at a similar stage (what I call gender limbo), so I can really sympathize with what you are going through.  Maybe this will all change once you start wearing more feminine clothing and get your voice where you want it to be.  I'm sure this won't last forever if you are passing everywhere else. 

[androgynouspainter26]

You know, I've found that younger people (my age) read me very easily, and people who are older never do.  I think it has to do with exposure; most of my fellow students know about trans issues, know other trans people-they know what to look for, does that make sence?

Passing and being read as female are two different things entirely; for me, the step that made it happen was makeup.  Once I started wearing makeup, people I didn't know started using female pronouns-Even though they could tell I was trans, I had crossed that threshold...but to get to that point, you need to take a pretty huge step.  Good luck!

[NicholeD]

I haven't really messed around with make-up. It seems daunting and I have really sensitive skin so it doesn't seem meant to be. However, i get what you're saying and it could go either way really.

And I guess I'm more talking about just random people like at stores, admins, etc. People I've known since Middle School do go to college with me, so of course they know I'm a boy (well... some don't recognize me, some do.) It is possible word of mouth has gotten around. I did sort of drop off the face of the earth my senior year without warning, but I still wouldn't think that had gotten around to people who didn't go there.

I guess it probably is something in the way I walk and carry myself, as well as how I dress. I guess for 4 classes there I'm known as Nicholas, trying to come off as anything else on campus isn't natural. Can't exactly turn it on and off that quickly. x.x Maybe I should change my name this summer and start going full time finally. I think its gotten to the point where sticking with one side would be easier than alternating back and forth all day.

I'm just sort of glad to hear I'm not the only one who has had this happen. It seems like such an odd situation. Been in the process of transitioning for a year and a half, getting close to two years and it still manages to find ways to keep things interesting.

[barbie]

Here the new school term begins in March. This week, a lot of freshmen came here in my campus. They tend to study and approach me very easily. Strangely, there is no female professor in my college (ocean and ship related), although there are many in the other colleges of my university. One freshman once argued with one of my colleagues that there is one female professor in my college, and so on.

But after finishing the first semester, very few students dare to gaze at me. A lot of information seems to be shared among college students, whether it is inadvertently or purposefully. Of course, when I go to the buildings of other college, students there study me.

barbie~~

[androgynouspainter26]

I guess that the way I went about this was a bit different...I never eased into this, I just went full time all at once-I told people my name, how I identified where need be, and that was that.  I'm actually a bit surprised that one and a half years into this you're not out like I am.  Not that I'm judging or anything; It actually sounds like it's been easier than what I did, but if you're bothered that your presentation isn't doing what it needs to on it's own...well, coming out is one solution.