How does one Transition?

[Fae]

When I began my journey to live as a woman, I did as much research as I could do.  Andrea James' site (http://www.tsroadmap.com) was a huge help in the beginning.  Now I've been on HRT for 5 months and I'm approaching the point where I will begin presenting as female full-time for my RLE.  I'm going to legally change my name and all my records to reflect my chosen female name.  In a year or so I'll be pursuing an Orchi and will simply live with a large clitoris, but unfortunately this will prevent me from having my birth certificate changed, or having Social Security regard me as female.  I'm ok with this and have chosen to live with the consequences. 

Though, I've been thinking if this is enough, and I've asked myself...How does one transition?

It seems like a simple question, but for many of us it is one we have to answer for ourselves.  The one thing I've come not to like about Andrea's site is she suggests that "you do this, this, and this" but it doesn't seem like a suggestion.  Her advise is sound for those TG/TS individuals that need guidance, but after a while don't you think we can decide what we should do for ourselves?  I don't know.

I also think that the HBSOC is another set of suggestions that are not suggestions but are more like forced requirements.  I don't know about that either.

I would prefer not to argue about the SoC or about Andrea's suggestions on what makes a "true" TG/TS person. 

I'd like to know, what did you do to transition, and when did you know you had arrived at your final destination?  I think I'm getting close to mine.

~Fae

[Kate]

I also think that the HBSOC is another set of suggestions that are not suggestions but are more like forced requirements.  I don't know about that either.

True, it's not law. It's just a set of guidelines that many therapists and doctors follow. I set out on this path fully expecting to have to follow it to the letter, but things just didn't wok out that way. My own therapist is a WPATH member, but I swear I know MUCH more about the SOC than she does. She really just sorta helps each client as an individual, and doesn't process them through the SOC step by step.

Heck, it took forever to get an HRT letter from her, yet when I showed it to the doctor *I* found to treat me (not the one she sends people to), he looked at it and basically said, "Oh, what's this? Oh how nice. So anyway, you're TS huh? We can treat that..." and basically ignored the letter.

Point being, there are no LAWS for doing this, only guidelines which some professionals follow, and some don't. In the end, we all have to assume the responsibility for keeping ourselves safe and doing this in the most intelligent manner possible.

I'd like to know, what did you do to transition, and when did you know you had arrived at your final destination?  I think I'm getting close to mine.

Depends on what you mean by final destination? I guess I'd truly be there when I'm not thinking about any of this anymore, and life is just a normal life again... only from a female context finally.

What I did to transition was to never, EVER give up. I've said, "I can't!" in a million posts here, but in every case... I DID. I'm absolutely focused on making this happen to an extreme that would scare even religious zealots. That focus, that single-minded determination has PULLED me through transitioning. If one thing fails, you try another. If you hit a roadblock, you back up and go around. You just... keep... pushing...

~Kate~

[Thundra]

Hmmm. How does one know when they have finished their transition? In the sense of gender swapping, because we are all of us transitioning in some way everyday.

Based on what I've seen, I'd say it is when people begin behaving as they are, instead of thinking about how they should be. Doing without thinking. That sounds rather simplistic, but it is the jist of it, I think?

[Fae]

I just got royally screwed over with my financial situation.  Basically without going into the details, I need to put transitioning any further on hold because I need to pinch every penny to pay for college.  That means no name change, no orchi for a while, and I'll be lucky if I can somehow afford to stay on hormones...Though I still plan on beginning my RLE at school this semester, there's NOTHING that's going to stop me from doing that, I NEED to present as myself - and that is feminine if not 100% as a woman.

Point being, there are no LAWS for doing this, only guidelines which some professionals follow, and some don't. In the end, we all have to assume the responsibility for keeping ourselves safe and doing this in the most intelligent manner possible.

So if there are no laws regarding gender transition, why is it that if we don't do certain things during the process, we are punished by the law?

Depends on what you mean by final destination? I guess I'd truly be there when I'm not thinking about any of this anymore, and life is just a normal life again... only from a female context finally.

What I did to transition was to never, EVER give up. I've said, "I can't!" in a million posts here, but in every case... I DID. I'm absolutely focused on making this happen to an extreme that would scare even religious zealots. That focus, that single-minded determination has PULLED me through transitioning. If one thing fails, you try another. If you hit a roadblock, you back up and go around. You just... keep... pushing...

I don't know if I'm thinking about my gender issues much anymore.  Yes it hurts a little when I get "sir'd" or something comes in the mail addressed to "Mr. [male name]."  It bothers me, but it doesn't affect me as much as it used to.

Have I arrived?  I don't know.  I've only been on HRT for 5 months now and I'm actually considering there might be another path - at least temporarily.

Socially living as a woman.  Legally regarded as a man. 

Presenting full-time as a woman and socially introduce myself as [female name], but take no legal steps and keep all my records in my male name.  Does this sound too weird and/or dangerous for someone like me who is undertaking a TG transition instead of a TS transition?  Would people just regard me as a feminine man, or would it eventually reach the point where if I was on HRT long enough, I couldn't pass as male?

I'm not sure anymore to what extent my gender issues are affecting me.  Perhaps I just needed to stop trying to live as a "man's man" and just accept my feminine nature.  I don't know if I need to be legally regarded as female.  I know I want to be socially regarded as female.  Are the two things different, or are they the same?

One powerful system by which our youngest and most vulnerable members are kept in the ghettoes of gender is through the law. We have to jump through legal hoops to get our documentation changed to reflect our chosen name and gender. Some states make this extremely difficult. Many young transgendered people are reluctant to take legal steps to get their names changed because they don't want to deal with the hassle, or because they find official acknowledgement of their wrongly-identified gender and old name to be extremely embarrassing, especially in an institutional setting like a courtroom.

This can lead to difficulties getting work in mainstream society. They worry about filling out job applications where a background check might reveal their old information. When mainstream employment is not available, the best available options are frequently low-income work in underground economies such as "under the table" odd jobs, cash-only employment in service industries, or potentially lucrative/dangerous work dealing drugs, or working in the sex industry. The longer this legal limbo continues, the harder it becomes to assimilate into mainstream society.

What if you were upfront about it, would it still be difficult?  What if you went to an employer (mind you, an understanding employer with a TG friendly policy) and filled out an application and said "Yes, my name is [male name] and I'm transgendered.  That's why I'm presenting as female."

Gender isn't just male and female, man and woman.  I've heard others in our community saying it's possible to live "in-between" the two genders.

Is this one of those paths?  Could I actually do this for the time being, and get everything legally switched once I'm done with college and I have a job somewhere with a sympathetic and accommodating employer in an area where there is TG protection under the law?

~Fae

[Rachael]

how does one transition?
with a spoon, 3 sticks of chewing gum, and a bottle of tabasco sauce...


R

[Keira]

If your socially regarded as female, why not at least, have your legal name match your alias. Once you reach the work world, having those two mismatched does not quite work and will cause problems.

To be legally regarded as female, you have to have SRS, and if you feel ok with being non-op, well that's ok too in my opinion.

Being socially female and having a "M" is livable for quite awhile 10+ years, but it does potentially out you to all your future employers, or at least their HR, if they've got health insurance.

[Fae]

If your socially regarded as female, why not at least, have your legal name match your alias. Once you reach the work world, having those two mismatched does not quite work and will cause problems.

To be legally regarded as female, you have to have SRS, and if you feel ok with being non-op, well that's ok too in my opinion.

Being socially female and having a "M" is livable for quite awhile 10+ years, but it does potentially out you to all your future employers, or at least their HR, if they've got health insurance.

Right now I'm in a financial bind and I don't think I will be able to pay the court and legal fees associated with the name change.  I'm trying to come up with an alternative, but I basically have to save every penny for school now.  However I need to come up with the money and get it done before I graduate so I can have my degree in my new name.

As for the "M," here in New York I might be able to get the "M" changed on my driver's license, at the very least.  Found this on http://www.tsroadmap.com:



So basically I should be able to walk into the DMV with a letter from my therapist, my general practitioner, and my endo and be able to have enough proof to get the "F" without a surgeons letter. *crosses fingers*

But otherwise, yeah I'll still be regarded as male in all other legal matters (our lovely Dept. of Social Security comes to mind *shakes fist at the bureaucracy*).  I can live with being non-op...now does non-op mean not full SRS, because when I have my Orchi technically I won't be non-op? 

~Fae