so what exactly are you to do if you don't qualify for 100%

[stephaniec]

It seems to be a lot of discussion about problems being seen as trans rather than just another female walking down the street. Kind of curious how most who transition are able to be happy with their lives and don't question their decision to transition If this is such a difficult problem. It just seems to me the reality is that a whole lot of people who transition can't get away with some one at least once in a while seeing them as trans. Reality says that this must happen. Very rarely if ever have I heard stories about people totally regretting their lives as trans gender. I'm sure it happens , but as far as I know there is not too many news stories about it even though there is at least a million transgendered people living in the US alone. I don't know maybe it's a story just waiting to be exposed. I'm assuming though that most who transgender are able to accept their condition good or bad and live a fruitful life. I know far sure I'm not going to get an A+ on my appearance, but what else am I suppose to do, just be unhappy I guess or be thankful that I can live at least as an imperfect woman. I don't know.

[Tori]

Human

[anais]

It seems to be a lot of discussion about problems being seen as trans rather than just another female walking down the street. Kind of curious how most who transition are able to be happy with their lives and don't question their decision to transition If this is such a difficult problem. It just seems to me the reality is that a whole lot of people who transition can't get away with some one at least once in a while seeing them as trans. Reality says that this must happen. Very rarely if ever have I heard stories about people totally regretting their lives as trans gender. I'm sure it happens , but as far as I know there is not too many news stories about it even though there is at least a million transgendered people living in the US alone. I don't know maybe it's a story just waiting to be exposed. I'm assuming though that most who transgender are able to accept their condition good or bad and live a fruitful life. I know far sure I'm not going to get an A+ on my appearance, but what else am I suppose to do, just be unhappy I guess or be thankful that I can live at least as an imperfect woman. I don't know.

I think every trans wants to pass and be beautiful, there are a few lucky ones who are just natural beauties but the reality is most aren't able to pass 100% maybe with some extensive plastic surgery but it does cost quite lot of money. I think it's just best to accept who you are and how you look and be happy with it or you'll just be miserable your whole life.

[Ltl89]

As someone who often quotes the desire to pass 100 percent, allow me to share my perspective.  I don't think there is anything like 100 percent.  I've always made my goal to strive as close to that number with the understanding that perfection is never possible. Not just with transition but with life.  In my case, I'm really trying to slowly overcome my deeply rooted social phobia and learn how to be happy with my situation and with who I am as a person.  Passing is simply a way to make the transition phase easier and allow me to feel more comfort in my presentation which helps me get to where I want to be. Let's not deny that passing privilege exists.  It does.  Still, I imagine the more I grow as a person and start progressing further into my transition these concerns will be behind me, as it seems to happen for many transwomen.  It's often common for people to live in fear before taking those steps.  I'm simply taking the steps I'm able to take at each point and then work on perparing myself to take the next one.  And I'm a much different person from where I was a year ago.  I've grown in many ways and have taken on things I never thought I could.  Believe me, I feel that I'm a better person both emotionally and physically. Sure, there have been misteps, and a lot of fears, and concerns, but not so much doubt.  More like "how can I do this" or "what does it take for me to see this through".  In the end, I really don't doubt the happiness factor or ability to get there.  It's just finding my way and learning what it'll take for me to overcome these very real hurdles that I set up for myself and ones the world gives me.  So, 100 percent is more of a figurative statement, but it is indicative of the direction of the result I hope for.  In any case, I realize that happiness and self comfort/confidence comes from within.  Passing or not, this is something that needs to be developed and I believe my transition will ultimately aid in me acquiring these qualities.  Passing only makes it easier or more tolerable to endure the rough initial stages that need to be taken on before confidence can be grown. 

I can't speak for others, but that's how I see my own situation in the context of the "100 percent" statements.

[Nicolette]

What exactly is 100%? Does 100% include a DNA test or an x-ray and measurements of all bone structures, or an investigation of the genitalia etc etc? Maybe it's just upon a cursory look, or daily exposure to the same people or even a partner? But I know this. Once you get close, statistical noise from cis-women's rich diversity will bridge that percentage gap and in effect sublimate you to that goal.

[Missadventure]

I just want to be 100% comfortable being me. Yes, some of that is influenced by how other people view me. But, mostly, its how I feel about myself. I feel more comfortable being a woman, even though I don't pass for crap as a woman, than I ever did as a man. And, although my comfort level is not yet 100%, is a great deal higher than it was when I was living as a man.

[stephaniec]

I just want to be 100% comfortable being me. Yes, some of that is influenced by how other people view me. But, mostly, its how I feel about myself. I feel more comfortable being a woman, even though I don't pass for crap as a woman, than I ever did as a man. And, although my comfort level is not yet 100%, is a great deal higher than it was when I was living as a man.

yea, that's how I feel . I'm just starting my transition and realizing it's a challenge especially in the fact I never cared to much for diversity in my wardrobe which will be my challenge ,but needs to be done. I'm older and it's going to take some work on every thing to not have people throw stuff at me on the street. The challenge is worth it though. I don't think I cared too much about my wardrobe because I never really cared about presenting as male.

[Tori]

Anne Coulter?

[Jessica Merriman]

I don't pass 100%, but what I lack there I make up in sheer belief in myself. It shows to others and they kind of write off whatever ideas they had about me. Confidence and self esteem are far more important I think to passing. I feel it tells others not to even question me and so far no one has. What scale do you use to rate your pass ability? Who do we compare ourselves to? I think a lot of trans people use the wrong scales to judge themselves. I have seen cis girls who could not meet the standards some here have set. My pass ability scale is simply this, do I feel good about myself and am I comfortable. I feel better about being a real woman instead of a fake man, so I pass. 🙂

[stephaniec]

Anne Coulter?

I thought she was born in kenya

[Jessica Merriman]

I thought she was born in kenya

*GIGGLE*

[Tori]

Prove it.

[Gina Taylor]

Personally I feel that I'm passable. But like Jessica had said, it really comes down to confidence in yourself. I can easily walk into a store wih customers and my confidence can be there and I can blend in so well that I'll become a part of the women's crowd with no problem.    But I will agree with Jessica's scale, that I too feel good about myself and am I comfortable, and that I feel better about being a real woman instead of a fake man, so I pass as well.  🙂

[JamesG]

@ Tori - LOL.

"Passing" is to facilitate interaction with the world that expects people to be binary male or female. Without that, I think most trans-people would be content to dress and act their gender with surgery and drugs limited to correcting anatomical dissonance, without the pains most go through to "pass".

Then there is narcissism, which is its own can of worms.  

[sad panda]

I never had problems with passing/acceptance (literally 100%) but i still wasn't happy. it was just like, this isn't exactly me. So. i think happiness depends more on how you personally feel abou your identity, not passing.

[Joanna Dark]

I've been on HRT for a year but the first seven months of it the dose was really low I cant believe I feminized at all. So really only five months. I pass all the time. To not pass, I have to not shave and go out of my way to look like crap and then I still pass but peeps might be like, "hmm, why that bitch have facial hair?" "Hmm, maybe she trans, or she not. Oh okay, I was just wondering cause the facial hair" "okay, I believe you." So I dont know where this whole you cant ever pass 100 percent. I dont know maybe Im lucky. I'm also really tiny at 5'5.5 and 121 lbs (gained a pound who hoo!) so that prolly helps. As well as the size of my bust. But still.

[JamesG]

You're lucky. 

There are lots of people that have to work very hard to overcome their genes, and even then they still fall outside the mean for females (height, face and body proportions etc.) that attracts attention and questions their gender.

[LittleEmily24]

I think passing 100% is more a combination of looks, attitude, behavior, body language and overall energy; and not just simply 'looking' female. Pretty much all falls under the "confidence" skill set 😛 If it looks female, walks female, talks female and acts female, it is most likely female.

Being someone who plays a lot of video games, I like to see my passability as an "area of effect" circle on the ground, with me standing in the middle. My goal is simply to shorten the circumference as much as I can because sometimes i get these soul-piercing stares from people who are bordering on offensive/insulting and are most definitely crossing into rudeness territory with zero shame of even being caught. I know sometimes people stare because I'm tall or because they think I "have guts" or on the rare occasion that someone actually thinks I'm attractive, but the energy they give off is significantly different than someone who's staring me down like I'm some kind of zoo animal who broke loose, or some kind of nuclear power plant abomination.. the worst ones are the mothers walking with their toddlers or strollers, giving that look that screams "DEVIANT!". Oh what a world of such civilized people we live in. But yeah, I've taken the idea of my area of effect circle disappearing entirely, out of my head; and simply wish for it to reduce in circumference as much as possible, but my happiness level remains the same. I might exhibit anger or offense to these ingrates being so rude, but it never makes me feel like I'd want to go back because when i think about how it felt to live as an unmistakable cismale, it pales in comparison to how liberating it feels to live as my true female self, regardless of passability. The more time that passes, the less i seem to care about whether others think I pass or not, because when I look in the mirror after getting ready to go out, I think I look beautiful which is more than I can say for my male appearance in the entirety of my short 23 years.

[JamesG]

That's a cool way to visualize it.

[stephaniec]

That's a cool way to visualize it.

ditto