I don't regret not coming out as a child... (Mom story)

[ToxicFox]

Sorry about the wall of text I needed to vent.

I decided to come out to my mom over the phone because we live nowhere near each other. Our relationship is bad and has always been bad. I stopped trusting her when I was 10 and she in turn made my life hell and made life hell to anyone I tried to bring into my life so I accepted being alone and pushed everyone away. A lot of stuff happened between us and I don't like thinking about it over the years between when I was 10 and 18. What caused me to feel betrayed and stop trusting my mom was oddly enough a shrink she took me to for behavior problems. I had behavior problems I'll admit and was depressed but that isn't uncommon for people who show signs early of being transgender. I debated and battled with myself over whether or not to tell her but ultimately I thought it would be a good test of whether I should cut her out completely because I still talked to her from time to time. I sent her a text saying we need to talk and she called me back 5 minutes later and we started to talk about the past. I explained how I didn't trust her anymore after what happened and there was something I wanted to tell her back than but didn't feel I could. I talked to her about my suicide attempt and how I had emotionally shutdown. The entire time she was pestering me to know what I wanted to tell her and I told her I was dealing with it now. She always would push my actions on others if I said something she didn't like so I had to make sure she understood I've felt this way for a long time. When I told her she didn't react because she had no idea what transgender was so I explained it and than she asked if I was gay and I said no I'm bi but gender idenity and sexual orientation are different. I urged her not think about sexual orientation but it was clear she was hung up on it. I explained a few things and she said she needed to get off the phone to let this sink in. When she got off she went and started doing research on it which I thought was good. It seemed to go well and over the next day she sent me a few text asking me why I was transgender which I did my best to explain why I think I am. She kept asking about it though because to her it seemed like it was a mental thing and could be changed which I found out when we talked on the phone later. Our second phone call forced WAY WAY too much on my private parts and why I was transgender. She told me repeatedly she wishes I had told her and than told me if I had she would of had me put on T to cure me. She suggested that I go on T repeatedly even after I told her that it never works. She asked me if I just wanted to do this because a girl wouldn't date me if I was a fem guy. Which she said that a lot of girls prefer guys that are a bit fem. I reminder her I'm bi to which seemed to make no difference. I honestly lean more to guys than girls but I wasn't going to try to explain that to her. I haven't dated anyone ever and never had sex. I've had a few people offer to have sex with me and they were girls which I turned down. I am attracted to girls but I didn't feel comfortable dating so I said no. Since she had been talking so much about my private bits I decided to tell her about how whenever I took a shower I would tuck so I looked like a girl. Her thoughts on it is that all transgender people start insisting they are girls or boys at age 3 or 4 which I didn't do. Even if I had told anyone at that age it would of been my sister which left when I was still very young and she would of had no idea what to do about it at that age. I'm so glad I didn't tell her when I was young because she would of pumped me full of T I would of killed myself. So the conversation ended with me sad and pissed and her and myself for thinking we could have a relationship and because of all the private talk I'm feeling dysphoric.

[ToxicFox]

Just ran my arm across my boob and it hurt but I feel a bit better now! :3

I still want that magic female button though.

[LizMarie]

You do what you need to do. Either your mother will come around to your way of thinking or she won't. And right now she already hasn't so you're not losing anything at this point. And maybe she will learn that it's better to have a healthy and happy daughter than a depressed and unhappy son.

[Xenguy]

I feels for you, I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but I certainly value your courage to keep moving forward. If she can't accept her own daughter, then that's her problem, as long as you are happy.

And I can relate to a certain part. I am a FtM, and when I came out to my mom, she constantly bothered me about 'You never showed signs' or 'How can we cure this?' I kept insisting that the only cure in my case was transitioning, however, she had other plans, saying that had I been any younger at time, she would've put me on E to make me 'feel more female'.... I told her that it wouldn't work, and I would kill myself if she came at me with any of her BS 'cures' (Even though I would never acually try)  A few talks, fights, and suicide threats later and after two to three months she has accepted me fully.

I really hope your mom will come around and try to understand better, but until then, keep moving forward I guess... (: