Forming relationships in transition.

[Missadventure]

So. I find myself in a place I never expected to be... At least for a loooong time.

I'm falling for someone. And I really don't know what to do about that.

We've had two dates now. I don't know if they really were dates. A friend of mine said "You're both consenting adults who seem to enjoy each others company having a social activity alone together - it's a date, until it's not." But, I dunno. I guess under that model I don't know the point of "when it's not"... Not to mention all the activities we've done together I've done before with people in a romantic context, and in a platonic context... Although to be honest, and I didn't actually stop to think about it before I had extended and she had accepted the invitation, inviting her back to my place for a home cooked meal does lend itself more towards a romantic context...

She's also MTF. But, I don't really know who she's attracted to, gender wise. And since right now I'm this ugly mix of blah in the middle, really, I probably got nothin she wants. So I'm prolly in the friend zone already and was from moment one.

Still though, she's beautiful, smart, funny, incredibly interesting, and she knows exactly who she is (Which, I can't say about ANYONE I've ever dated, and it makes her sooooo attractive to me). So... Wouldn't mind if she secretly had a crush on me too 

Anyway, glossing past all the "woe is me, it's never gonna happen for me" nonsense... I was finding that last night, which was our second "date"... I ended up triggering a lot of dysphoria in myself. At one point we were watching a movie, and I just found myself with a powerful urge to hold her hand. Most guys I know at that point would've probably tried to hold her hand, perhaps being really awkward in the process, but they would've tried. I, instead, found I don't have that kind of assertiveness in me, at least, not without permission, which I didn't have, and was afraid to ask for out of fear of rejection. So I found myself sitting there thinking "Man the hell up and do it!" or variations on that, until I realized that I was sitting there wearing a bra and panties under my blouse and skirt telling myself to "man up". And then for the rest of the evening I felt like a total awkward jackass until the movie was over and she wanted to go home.

So, I guess all that is the awkwardly written rambly preamble to the following question:

To all of you out there. Has transitioning affected how you view yourself and your role in the dating process? IE, were there some things you felt more awkward about or fearful of pre transition that you don't now, or vice versa?

[FalseHybridPrincess]

And since right now I'm this ugly mix of blah in the middle, really, I probably got nothin she wants. So I'm prolly in the friend zone already and was from moment one.

You cant know that...
people like all kinds of stuff

[Jessica Merriman]

Has transitioning affected how you view yourself and your role in the dating process? IE, were there some things you felt more awkward about or fearful of pre transition that you don't now, or vice versa?

I would have to say that before the transition process I was not sure if I could accept courtesy from a male without getting upset or feeling less of a person, if that makes any sense at all. Now that I have been the recipient of gentlemanly courtesy I have to say it is quite nice for a change. I find I really don't mind things such as doors being opened, chairs pulled out and being escorted. It was not as bad as I had thought about it. I love my new role in life!

[Kyra553]

So. I find myself in a place I never expected to be... At least for a loooong time.

I'm falling for someone. And I really don't know what to do about that.

We've had two dates now. I don't know if they really were dates. A friend of mine said "You're both consenting adults who seem to enjoy each others company having a social activity alone together - it's a date, until it's not." But, I dunno. I guess under that model I don't know the point of "when it's not"... Not to mention all the activities we've done together I've done before with people in a romantic context, and in a platonic context... Although to be honest, and I didn't actually stop to think about it before I had extended and she had accepted the invitation, inviting her back to my place for a home cooked meal does lend itself more towards a romantic context...

She's also MTF. But, I don't really know who she's attracted to, gender wise. And since right now I'm this ugly mix of blah in the middle, really, I probably got nothin she wants. So I'm prolly in the friend zone already and was from moment one.

Still though, she's beautiful, smart, funny, incredibly interesting, and she knows exactly who she is (Which, I can't say about ANYONE I've ever dated, and it makes her sooooo attractive to me). So... Wouldn't mind if she secretly had a crush on me too 

Anyway, glossing past all the "woe is me, it's never gonna happen for me" nonsense... I was finding that last night, which was our second "date"... I ended up triggering a lot of dysphoria in myself. At one point we were watching a movie, and I just found myself with a powerful urge to hold her hand. Most guys I know at that point would've probably tried to hold her hand, perhaps being really awkward in the process, but they would've tried. I, instead, found I don't have that kind of assertiveness in me, at least, not without permission, which I didn't have, and was afraid to ask for out of fear of rejection. So I found myself sitting there thinking "Man the hell up and do it!" or variations on that, until I realized that I was sitting there wearing a bra and panties under my blouse and skirt telling myself to "man up". And then for the rest of the evening I felt like a total awkward jackass until the movie was over and she wanted to go home.

So, I guess all that is the awkwardly written rambly preamble to the following question:

To all of you out there. Has transitioning affected how you view yourself and your role in the dating process? IE, were there some things you felt more awkward about or fearful of pre transition that you don't now, or vice versa?

Since I haven't completely transitioned or been on a date in this time frame ;I'm not sure I'm the best for advice. However I think it would of been cute to laugh lightly and when she asks why your laughing. You say: I'm fighting  my inner male mind by wanting to hold your hand. But on the other hand my inner woman tells me no way could I touch your hand yet.

Probably my usual weird thinking. But I think that would be cute.

[Ms Grace]

Disclaimer: I'm hardly the one to be talking about dating or relationship advice...!

You need to find out how she views these "dates" - maybe she sees them as two friends spending a bit if time together (which women do all the time) or maybe there's more to it, but you won't know until you know. Does her body language seem to indicate she is attracted to you, as opposed to just liking you as a friend? You can ask directly or indirectly, or try to up the ante, see if she wants to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. I'd take it slowly, you don't want to freak her out but you do want to give her more of an opportunity to get to know you better.

[Missadventure]

Disclaimer: I'm hardly the one to be talking about dating or relationship advice...!

You need to find out how she views these "dates" - maybe she sees them as two friends spending a bit if time together (which women do all the time) or maybe there's more to it, but you won't know until you know. Does her body language seem to indicate she is attracted to you, as opposed to just liking you as a friend? You can ask directly or indirectly, or try to up the ante, see if she wants to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant. I'd take it slowly, you don't want to freak her out but you do want to give her more of an opportunity to get to know you better.

I never know when people seem attracted to me. It literally takes a flashing neon sign. She did offer to take me to a restaurant the next time. But, I've done that plenty on a platonic basis with friends, so, that doesn't mean anything to me in this regard.

I ended up just telling her I have a crush on her. In writing. Cause, well, its the least scary route for me. Ball is in her court now. And, to be honest, the friend zone is not a bad place to be, and, she's really awesome, and I like having awesome friends. So, if that's all she sees me as, then, I'm not losing anything.

[Missadventure]

I would have to say that before the transition process I was not sure if I could accept courtesy from a male without getting upset or feeling less of a person, if that makes any sense at all. Now that I have been the recipient of gentlemanly courtesy I have to say it is quite nice for a change. I find I really don't mind things such as doors being opened, chairs pulled out and being escorted. It was not as bad as I had thought about it. I love my new role in life!

That's awesome that you find yourself enjoying it. I myself never had a problem with small courtesies like that. Most of my guy friends tend to just be kind individuals who do nice things for people regardless of gender. So it was something I just accepted about them, and didn't have any problems with it myself.

In many strange ways, my best friend (male) and I have had the most romantic relationship I've ever had in my life. Many of the things he and I did together I later used in a romantic context when dating women. Though, with him it was always platonic. And now in light of my transition I think he's viewing some of those things a little awkward in retrospect. Still, he's as supportive of me as he always was. So, yay that.