gender questioning

[Jasmine96]

i began feeling more womanly than manly 3 years ago, but there is a weekly test of these feelings. lets say 5 days a week i feel like a woman and then one day i feel like an overly manly man and then that last day i feel like no gender at all. i have no problem expressing any of these genders, but its all very confusing. i want to transition into a woman, but i wanted to know if it was normal to have these differing feelings. so are they normal?

[vlmitchell]

Wellllll.... that all depends. You might be bi-gender or GQ/GF. Who knows? Try getting a GID counselor and doing some sessions to figure this out.

FWIW: Yes, these are completely normal feelings of a pre-transition trans-woman.

[suzifrommd]

Normal? A trans friend is fond of saying "normal is a dryer setting."

There are certainly a lot of people who have the feelings you're talking about.

Some of them (like me) realize they have a "core identity" and end up transitioning and learn to live with the periodic fluidity.

Others stay in their birth identity and find other ways to express the changes in their gender feelings.

It helped me to identify the "triggers", thoughts and experiences that caused me to shift from one gender to another.

[kathyk]

Victoria's right.  Go talk to a Gender Therapist and get a clear understanding of yourself.  It's incredibly difficult to deal with those male feelings when you're a woman inside. The feelings will naturally pop up since you've lived with them all your life.  We're expected to act and feel as though our birth gender is our true gender, and sometimes it works out that someone is transgender or truly gender fluid.  For most of my life I actually hoped that some sort of fluid gender was the case for me, but the GID just got worse as time went by.  Quite honestly you'll know much more about yourself when you sit down with a therapist for a few sessions. 

And as Suzi said some girls do continue to have periodic fluidity, but I found the little bit in me completely disappeared when I went full-time.  And yet as she said we do have core identities that we've kept buried and finally have to express, so we learn to adjust old feelings or attitudes as we begin transition.  Most likely you'll find those feelings are the result of dealing with the male body you were dealt at birth, but conversely I know a couple truly gender fluid individuals who became incredibly happy with their being.  Therapists aren't just a gatekeepers for hormones, they're needed by most of us to open up and bare the authentic person inside.  Keep in mind that a therapist is there to help, and it's wonderful to talk to someone who listens and understands the diversity of gender.

Take care.  K

[Satinjoy]

You might want to check out some of the androgyne posts in that section, their very nice and its cool to see how they think.  If you relate, then you have more to reach out to.  Time to explore..

Therapy is extremely important, the earlier in life the better, with someone that really understands trans.

[MalorieG]

Hi, Jasmine

Thanks for asking this question--I was literally just thinking about this myself.

Can I ask what you do for a job/career?  I still present male at work, where I teach elementary school inner city, and often, if a day has left me particularly drained, physically or mentally or both, I will come home, change into some girl sweats and a tee, but beyond that, I feel essentially genderless.  Other days, if I am feeling challenged or pushed, the ol' male aggression might rear its head, and I'll come home feeling more overtly manly.  But on just regular days and all weekend long, it's girl-mode for me where I feel most comfortable. 

I respect that notion of gender as a spectrum, a fluid space where people can fluctuate widely throughout their life, or even day-to-day, week-to-week.  But for me, as I'm questioning who I really am at my core, it can be really disconcerting to look at my girly stuff on days when I come home feeling manly.  But, ultimately, I know it comes down to having patience, and recognizing the process of gender questioning/transition as a journey, with little speed-bumps and pit stops along the way, and every feeling is a valid feeling, and regardless of feelings on the day-to-day, I work to remind myself not to put undue pressure on myself to feel or act a certain way.  I just want to be me, and find me, and so I'll take a deep breath and be patient again 

Forgive me if I'm WAAAAY off base, but it's your fault--you made me think!  Hope that helps, maybe?

Malorie