https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,124973.0.htmlYou might or might not remember me from this thread and I would like to make an update. A lot has changed since that thread was made.
My friend has moved to my state.
We have come out to his family and mine. (By which I mean they know he's trans)
We are now a couple.
Yes, we're and item now and we're making plans for the future, including plans of marriage. Once he started presenting more it was shockingly easy to think of him as a male, I didn't even go through a period of questioning my sexuality and I consider our relationship a heterosexual one. We are both on the same page in regards to his preferences after long discussions and while our love isn't a conventional romantic one it is a very deep bond and if there is a person I could ever commit to and spend my whole life with, it's him. Our couple status is open to everyone but our families so we are out and as soon as we are able he will be starting HRT.
It's still hard not to have moments of hopelessness and since being out with him I have been called "lesbian", confronted by an angry ex who wanted to remind me that I liked "real men", I have been sexually harassed, and lost several friendships. I have seen who my real friends are and I have learned the hard way that just because I'm not trans myself doesn't mean that I am immune to the prejudice and ignorance that my boyfriend has to deal with. In fact it has become a sadly normal part of my regular life.
I still have concerns about losing my family when we tell them that we're not just friends we're a couple. But I am mentally prepared to cut ties with them should it come to that.
While our relationship has brought me a lot of joy with it has come all new fears, "What if we can't get married?" and "What if we just can't afford HRT? How will he be able to deal with that?" I find myself watching him like a hawk when we're out and every time I hear about him going to the men's room I get this overwhelming fear that the wrong man will look too close and he'll be in danger. I know he needs to live his life like a man, I understand that and would never suggest that he hide his status from the public just to be safe, but I still find myself afraid. We went to the beach and the whole time he was in the men's room I was hovering around the door biting my nails. I don't want to bring this up with him, he has more than enough of his own stress to deal with, but how do I deal with my overprotective feelings?
