Help, I look like an old lady & a teenage guy! But I'm really in my 30's.

[new name]

Has anyone else on here had the problem of either being read as a super young guy or super old women - when in reality, you're neither?

People are clearly reading my age wrong all the time and it's very disorienting.  I would like suggestions about what I can do, mainly, NOT to be read as an old woman.  (I would say 95% of the time I'm being read as an old lady.)

Additional info.: I was on T and had to stop taking it for health reasons.  I now have a lower voice that apparently is being read as an elderly woman's voice MUCH to my dismay.  On the phone, people call me mam and often imply that I'm elderly.  If I correct them and say I'm a guy, I get told that I sound like a woman/old woman.  I'm getting senior discounts at Dunkin Donuts that I definitely didn't ask for.  (I am an FTM and identify as male.)  I wear men's clothes such as dress shirts and professional black men's dress pants.  I have a men's haircut.  My body shape sadly is wide in the hips and binding isn't working too well either.  I have very fair skin and obviously no facial hair.  I have no idea what to do.  I really hate looking like a grandma when I'm a FTM/guy in my 30's.  (It's very clear and NOT ambiguous how I am being read: I'm certain not to remember every last thing but people are commenting that I am an old lady everywhere I go - AND I'M NOT.  If I go to the men's restroom, guys complain there's an old lady in there referring to me, etc. etc.)  No matter what I do, it seems I cannot pass.

Please help if you can!

[Kreuzfidel]

Well, I don't know what to tell you without being able to see you.  If you felt comfortable, you could post a photo of yourself and we could maybe give you some tips or advice.  Otherwise, I honestly don't know what to say other than that's unfortunate - people sometimes read others in really strange ways.

[GnomeKid]

Well, I don't know what to tell you without being able to see you.  If you felt comfortable, you could post a photo of yourself and we could maybe give you some tips or advice.  Otherwise, I honestly don't know what to say other than that's unfortunate - people sometimes read others in really strange ways.

I agree with this.. Its hard to give advice on what you could potentially do about it without more specifics, but I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to post pics.

When I was in that androgenous stage I was seen either has a girl my age or a very young boy, so I can't say so much about the old women business.  (though those discounts can be bangin =p) 

On the phone there is probably not much you can do about it other than maybe recording yourself and listening back and trying to craft yourself a more "male" or masculine sounding voice.. I imagine there are a good few bioguys with the same issue.  I've certainly met some who sound way more like women than a stereotypical man voice.  In person I'd say there is probably some configuring that can be done to make you more male in appearance. 

One other thing thats tricky is that a short "male" haircut nowadays is super common for older women.  It may seem counter-intuitive, but a longer cut may help your issue.  Try to find something that ONLY males have (tricky again, I know).  It may help you fall more into the male category than that of the old ladies. 

[Frank]

One other thing thats tricky is that a short "male" haircut nowadays is super common for older women.  It may seem counter-intuitive, but a longer cut may help your issue.  Try to find something that ONLY males have (tricky again, I know).  It may help you fall more into the male category than that of the old ladies.

Several older aunts in my family have all gone for the very short hair look, almost military style. It looks great on them actually, but sort of complicates matters for ftms I guess. Might I suggest looking up guys with your facial shape and look at their hair styles? It's hard to give any advice with zero visual to go on.

[harlee]

Try not to feel bad about your voice over the phone, lots of people sounds really different on the phone! I work at a pizza shop casually so I answer the phone a lot and I thought I was talking to a grandma once, but I found out it was actually a man when he came into the store to collect his pizza. He had a similar voice in person so it wasn't a different person either.

I dont understand why people think that you look like a grandma if youre only 30! Grandma's usually have a lot of wrinkles Maybe post a picture if you want to and we can try to help you out better?

[aleon515]

Well funny you should mention this. Androgyny and age kind of go together, so what you are see as "old lady" thing might be getting into an androgynous state. I guess you could do the dress thing, but I doubt someone reads you as an old lady.

--Jay

[Mattia]

I agree that having a picture would help with giving advice about looks. Of course, only if you feel comfortable posting it.

But in any case, there is probably lkttle you can do about the sound of your voice without hormones.
I think you should try working on your looks. For example, it is true that old ladies often have short hair, but there are for sure very masculine hairstyles that you will not see on grandmas. Very short sides and back but significantly longer top (spyked or not) may be one of them. If you search google you will find lots of them.
And for clothes, being 30 you probably won't love it, but you could try with typical younger boys clothes? Like baseball caps, or tshirts with stamps? I guess it is not ideal... the fact is that many older women tend to dress (obviously) less girly and more androginous.
The body shape can be modified a bit wearing full lenght binders and shaping boxers (I don't know if you call it like that in english, but underworks sells them, they are boxers in a material similar to the one of binders and help with the shape of hips, I think many shops have them).

Body shape is one of the main factors when gendering someone. You can find helpful tips (at least they were helpful for me) here: http://ftmguide.rassaku.net
You probably have already seen it, and it is not specifically intended for not being mistaken for an old lady, but it has good advice for anybody.