Kathy, Having had such a long relationship with children being an enormous part of it, I can't begin to tell you I know how you feel or give you advice of any kind to make it better, other than this. I think you should not only come out to California with your ex-, maybe you should stay in the physical warmth out here for awhile. Cold and darkness brings sadness, Kathy, and you should be in warmth and light! I will pray for your happiness, girl. Hugs, Mira