I wrote this letter to my wife to tell her I need to start working towards transition actively. I've been making noise in this direction for a while.
This is just to open the conversation
Dear WIFE_NAME,
I am sorry to do this in a letter. I've been trying for weeks to actually say these things but I just can't. I hope you will read this through and then we will.
I'm not gonna bury the lead here. I've been srtruggling against it, but it's no use.
I have a deep feeling that my body being male is just wrong. That I can't be comfortable or happy without trying to address this. I feel selfish and stupid and I can't really rationalize it but the feeling is real and tearing me apart.
I love you very much and always will, I do not want to hurt you like this but I'm to the point where suicide is starting to look like an option because I won't have to see the pain I'm causing.
This does not relate to my genitals. I do not have any discomfort with them and plan on them staying male and functional indefinitely, but I do want to go on hormones, and if it makes sense, to live publiclly as female, if that's what it takes to not feel this wrong. I have to take action.
This does not mean I don't love you. I do, intensely, but I am do wrapped up in angst I haven't shown you enough love recently. I want to love you and stay with you. I know this is hard to take in, and you may not be able to accept this, but I need to explore this fully.
I'm sorry to do this in a letter, I just can't form the words to tell you this. I want and need to talk to you more about this.
Love,
Rob
