opinions of post op regret

[victoria n]

 POR= post op regret.
       WPATH SOC suggests POR is virtually non existent. But they have not done any research on POR.    Surf the web on POR or sex change regret if you'd like.
  Also it is physically impossible for a MTF TG to have a female brain unless born intersex.
   There are some small  differences  in a male brain and that of a MTF TG.
      A conflict can arise in the PO MTF   owing to the fact of the loss of T and penis.   
Some people can deal with this much better than others.      a cause of POR.
    The SOC is based on interviews of TGs not research
WPATH states the best treatment for Gender Dysphoria is hormones and SRS,     
       many gender therapists believe this is so.
IMO it may be  the best treatment for some but not for all.
    If a TG has some reservations about transitioning or SRS instead of gatekeeping the therapist will either push the person to tow the party line to transition  or will not want anything to do with you.   This pushing or promoting SRS  can and does cause POR .
        You almost never hear therapists or  anyone saying anything negative about transitioning.    Because there are no negatives??? really. TG people can handle the truth
            Also due to the somewhat  dysfunctionality of SRS,  crappy orgasms, no  getting wet when aroused. ( a  brain function ), mindless wet mucus all the time ,dry orgasms or none at all.  This can also cause POR.

Or you could just miss being a guy. 
 

[River]

In my case, I tend to agree that progress toward transition and SRS were the 'party line.' I had two psychologists during transition: one at the public gender center who I saw every three months and one general practitioner who I saw weekly.

At the gender center, I had come there expressing my desire to transition and have surgery. While my sessions with the psychologist there made inquiries to evaluate whether I could be diagnosed with GID, there seemed to be no real critical evaluation whether transition and surgery were the best alternative. Since I was asking for surgery, the process was more about determining if I was a candidate to proceed to hormones and then to surgery.

My general psychologist, however, was very critical of the gender center's approach. I did not begin seeing her until after I started hormones and after my marriage had fallen apart because of transition (although we had originally thought we could make it work). In her opinion, there should have been much more critical inquiries into alternatives for the future instead of automatically putting me on the transition/surgery assembly line. Even before surgery, I had regrets for transitioning because of the consequences that had resulted. My psychologist believed that a lot of those consequence-based regrets could have been minimized if I had gone into the process more critically and had together with my partner had more thoroughly explored the potential consequences.

In the vacuum of my own identity, I do not regret transitioning or surgery. However, we do not live in a vacuum and have to interact with the world. I do have deep regrets about the consquences and wish that I had explored or at least more critically evaluated the alternatives. I try to fool myself into believing that maybe I could have centered therapy on dealing with gender identity issues without transitioning, although realistically I must confess that that approach would probably have failed. The regrets remain, however, because those alternatives were never really considered or explored.

In summary, I do not regret transitioning or SRS when looking toward the future and what is best for me, but I do have regrets when looking toward the past and the consequences that it had and those regrets could have been minimized if my process toward transition was more critical.

[Madison (kiara jamie)]

that is very interesting river, im currently at a crossroad right now and i have tried my best to make my transition as positive and well timed as possible, i want to start living full time but should wait about 7-9 months until my new business is started, it will put me in a better place financially and reduce the fallout of having to come out to people that i have to work with for the next 7 months, i know i would definitely regret going fulltime before the right time,

the only regret i have had so far is not banking my sperm when i had the chance, since im gonna be a lesbian, i would have been able to have my own genetic child but due to my tunnel vision towards getting hrt, and pre-hrt i didn't want children since i was so miserable, now i have 2 decisions, i could detransition back into hell and hope that i will regain my sperm count to get a couple samples, or just accept that i would have to adopt, i don't know for sure but i think once i find the partner of my dreams i will look back and wish i had gone through the hell of detransition even if it didn't work just to say to myself that i did the best i could have for my future child,

[suzifrommd]

At the gender center, I had come there expressing my desire to transition and have surgery. While my sessions with the psychologist there made inquiries to evaluate whether I could be diagnosed with GID, there seemed to be no real critical evaluation whether transition and surgery were the best alternative. Since I was asking for surgery, the process was more about determining if I was a candidate to proceed to hormones and then to surgery.

Actually, I think this is the way it ought to go. A professional has no idea whether transition or SRS will help me. I'm really the only one who knows that, right? The clinician's job is to make sure I'm stable and knowledgeable enough to make an informed and well-thought-out decision.

[Roxanne]

Well, had phalloplasty attempted, again.

Last time = left latissimus dorsi flap, failed because of small artery / artery blood clot.

This time = right latissimus dorsi flap, surgery aborted because artery is also very small. Flap put back. Ie I'm not missing any skin/fat/muscle on my right side like I am on my left side.

Surgeon says we can do abdominal flap (HELL NO) OR anterolateral thigh flap (probably what I want to do) OR radial forearm free flap (considering).

ALT (thigh) flap does not require microsurgery on blood vessels and should have good sensation so I'm leaning towards it, in case I have small or Y shaped or redundant arteries in my forearm too, just like I do in my side. I'm pissed as hell surgery was aborted or even attempted though when we should have just done the ALT flap instead. Now I have to wait. Again. Tried to get a date for surgery. No dice. Supposed to be told within two weeks when Miro can line up schedule of his team. Best case, very late July or early August. I'm sure he won't tell me, but one of his assistants is nice and I will email him in 2 1/2 weeks if I don't hear back otherwise. He (assistant - Borko) said I could ask him.

F F F..... not knowing when makes it feel like this will never happen.

[AnnahM]

Madison - I have some regrets, but I also think that I might not be here if I hadn't fully transitioned. Lately I have been struggling with the problem of finding a lesbian woman who is accepting of the whole package that is me. Seems like 99.9% of lesbian women are okay with me until I tell them my story (I'm many years post-op and they never can tell that I was ever anything other than female). After they know, they turn tail and run, never to be heard from again. That might not phase me so much if it weren't the theme of my life. My own parents have done that to me all my life. Anyway, regret... I guess it's regret, but it's more like I just wish I could have been a normal person, one way or the other, so that I didn't have to live with this black cloud over my head the rest of my life. My friends have said, "Just don't tell them. You are who you are NOW, not before." and I have tried to do that, but to me, that's just lying, and I'm not that kind of person. Other friends have said, "I'm sure the right girl is out there somewhere. You just haven't met her yet!" but I don't believe it. If she's out there, then I was born a girl. This has actually been quite depressing for me lately, and a large part of why I'm here at this site (for support, nothing more). My "regret" is that I gave up looking "normal" to the rest of the world, when I could have been with a great woman and been happy in love, and now I think that will never happen. But I have to let it go, because other than that I am extremely happy!

[Heather]

Madison - I have some regrets, but I also think that I might not be here if I hadn't fully transitioned. Lately I have been struggling with the problem of finding a lesbian woman who is accepting of the whole package that is me. Seems like 99.9% of lesbian women are okay with me until I tell them my story (I'm many years post-op and they never can tell that I was ever anything other than female). After they know, they turn tail and run, never to be heard from again. That might not phase me so much if it weren't the theme of my life. My own parents have done that to me all my life. Anyway, regret... I guess it's regret, but it's more like I just wish I could have been a normal person, one way or the other, so that I didn't have to live with this black cloud over my head the rest of my life. My friends have said, "Just don't tell them. You are who you are NOW, not before." and I have tried to do that, but to me, that's just lying, and I'm not that kind of person. Other friends have said, "I'm sure the right girl is out there somewhere. You just haven't met her yet!" but I don't believe it. If she's out there, then I was born a girl. This has actually been quite depressing for me lately, and a large part of why I'm here at this site (for support, nothing more). My "regret" is that I gave up looking "normal" to the rest of the world, when I could have been with a great woman and been happy in love, and now I think that will never happen. But I have to let it go, because other than that I am extremely happy!

Dont get discouraged they are women out there who will date trans women. It really depends on the woman though. I know they are some that won't but they are those that are at least willing to date a trans woman. The reason they might be running is they may be feeling lied to if they are not told earlier in the relationship.

[AnnahM]

... they may be feeling lied to if they are not told earlier in the relationship.

I would think that, too, if only there were a "relationship" with any of them. I think the problem has actually been the opposite - I told them too soon, when they had no feelings and no sense of loss by walking away.

[GoneGrl]

Between hours 24 to 36 post op, I had one terrible ton of regret, but it was in relation to the pain

LOL!!! I agree.  I had the same thing about the pain.  I had an excruciating amount of pain but I was already happy with the results (I put a mirror between my legs after I woke up lol). 

I think most people that tend to regret this surgery are ones that always doing it for the wrong reasons.  Mostly sexuality and a transsexual's issues are primarily about Gender not sex.  This seems to get lost so much in this LGBT crap that we are unfortunately attached to recently.  During my transition years Transsexuals wanted to be far away from the LGB crowd because our issues differed greatly.

Over the decades I've lost good friends that did the SRS and regretted because they hadn't received the proper psychological care that is required for this life changing event.  I wished more Doctor's these days adhered to the Harry Benjamin Dysphoria Guidelines,  all I see are these surgeons performing these surgeries for money, nothing else.  No care for the patient or their mental health.  It's no wonder we see suicide rates and regrets.

[AnnahM]

Giving up the love of my life... or more accurately, her walking away from me. That, and my son not having a father in his life. Granted, I was in his life (might have been dead were it not for transition) and he is thankful for that. At 23 he has told me some of the pain he went through but also says that he loves me no matter what and is thankful I'm still alive and part of his life. So that's a huge win for all of us.

I also regret the fact that now I have to explain my life story to every person I date that looks like a possible serious relationship. It most often drives them away. So yeah, there's that. Sometimes I feel like I traded one form of being trapped for another one. But whatever, thankfully I love being alone.

[Beverly]

I wished more Doctor's these days adhered to the Harry Benjamin Dysphoria Guidelines,  all I see are these surgeons performing these surgeries for money, nothing else.  No care for the patient or their mental health.  It's no wonder we see suicide rates and regrets.

It is called "Informed Consent" and it is the "in thing" these days. I expect to see a lot more "regretters" over the coming years.

[kelly_aus]

Over the decades I've lost good friends that did the SRS and regretted because they hadn't received the proper psychological care that is required for this life changing event.  I wished more Doctor's these days adhered to the Harry Benjamin Dysphoria Guidelines,  all I see are these surgeons performing these surgeries for money, nothing else.  No care for the patient or their mental health.  It's no wonder we see suicide rates and regrets.

Can we at least refer to them as the WPATH Standards of Care? They've evolved a little since old Harry's day..

It is called "Informed Consent" and it is the "in thing" these days. I expect to see a lot more "regretters" over the coming years.

Yeah, so true.. And I can see it backfiring badly too.

[Beverly]

Yeah, so true.. And I can see it backfiring badly too.

I would worry about it less if "informed consent" really was informed consent AFTER a diagnosis rather than the "Diagnosis for sale" that it seems to be in many places.

[Jennygirl]

correct me if I'm wrong, but the informed consent model still only applies to HRT?

The application for surgery seems more dependent on the doctor than the laws, I am in Los Angeles (a city well accustomed to informed consent) and I still have to obtain letters to have surgery with Brassard

Speaking of which, my final interview with my gender therapist's colleague is tomorrow!

[Heather]

It is called "Informed Consent" and it is the "in thing" these days. I expect to see a lot more "regretters" over the coming years.

I think that most of the regretters are going to be those that did not spend one day living as a woman before having surgery. The surgery doesn't make you a woman it supposed to help you be more comfortable with your body. I can't stress how bad a idea informed consent is for surgery.

[LordKAT]

correct me if I'm wrong, but the informed consent model still only applies to HRT?

The application for surgery seems more dependent on the doctor than the laws, I am in Los Angeles (a city well accustomed to informed consent) and I still have to obtain letters to have surgery with Brassard

Speaking of which, my final interview with my gender therapist's colleague is tomorrow!

You are not wrong. Informed consent, in any place I've seen it, is for HRT and sometimes top surgery, NOT SRS..

[Beverly]

I have seen posts on this forum telling others where to go to get (a.k.a. buy) letters for SRS. It may not be "informed consent" as intended by the definition of the phrase, but it is the same process as paying for a diagnosis.

I have even seen lists of therapists in the USA who will give you a letter for SRS for $xxx after talking to you over the phone. Would you like me to post some links?

[Jill F]

I have seen posts on this forum telling others where to go to get (a.k.a. buy) letters for SRS. It may not be "informed consent" as intended by the definition of the phrase, but it is the same process as paying for a diagnosis.

I have even seen lists of therapists in the USA who will give you a letter for SRS for $xxx after talking to you over the phone. Would you like me to post some links?

That's scary.  I smell lawsuits from that.  My therapist covered her ass thoroughly before I got mine.

[Roxanne]

I think that most of the regretters are going to be those that did not spend one day living as a woman before having surgery. The surgery doesn't make you a woman it supposed to help you be more comfortable with your body. I can't stress how bad a idea informed consent is for surgery.

I lived every day as a woman for a year and a half before surgery. Part time for another year before that.

And 7 years later, still live as a woman.

And yes I was stupid for doing so, I admit it. It didn't make me a woman, I just had a hard recovery after FFS and really wanted breast implants done. I somehow upsold myself on doing SRS at the same time. Such a fool.

I just hope Miro can fix it with a graft from my leg or arm this time

[GoneGrl]

Can we at least refer to them as the WPATH Standards of Care? They've evolved a little since old Harry's day..

Yeah, so true.. And I can see it backfiring badly too.

Yeah, that's I had my SRS 22 years ago to be exact (anniversary next week) so I'm an oldie that refers to the older terms lol.  During my time my doctor required two independent psychiatrist letters (one witnessing my pre-op transition for 2 years), a letter from my Endocrinologist and a print out of your Prescriptions (usually given to you by a PCP or Endo doc).


A friend of mine in NYC went to Meltzer without any Letters.  She has a plethora of Mental health issues and noticeable physical ailments all over her legs (they actually look like they are rotting) due to her aggressive AIDS status.  He still worked on her.