I am not sure if this is a correct place for it (so move it if i placed it wrong).
Anyway my story now.
About 1,5 year ago I became friends with this FtM boy. We were at the same stage and we became very good friends. We shared and talked about everything and we just really could get along with each other.
We are both now on the hormones (he's a few months longer on the T than i'm on the E) and everything went fine. He really sees me as a girl and I really see him as a boy even though we haven't had surgery yet.
A couple of months ago he started to get really close to me (closer than friends). Not much later he came out to me that he was afraid that nobody would love him and that he wasn't worth being loved (and something about ending with 6 cats alone). I said, as a friend, that he was overreacting and that he would find someone (even if it would take some time). A week later or so he started to flirt with me.
I liked him already but it was not the love kind (though I did felt something). I never fell in love before because I couldn't deal with my gender dysphoria and couldn't see myself falling for a boy as a boy (I fall for boys/man). However he completely swept me off my feet and I fell in love with him.
We dated and the first date (also my first date ever) went fine with a few hiccups. He said that he ruined his previous relationships (all pre-T) and that he doesn't let others get close (he did let me get close and he said that I was already to close). He also said he couldn't express his feelings (before and even more after starting T) and wasn't sure if he loved me.
For the second date he went to where I live (I came from the same place as him and my mother still lives there) and it couple of hours on public transportation. The night before the date we had a rather intense flirt session.
The date itself however went totally different. He basically ruined the whole date (a lot of ex tales, not much eye contact and other insensitive things).
Afterwards (two days later) I called him as I didn't know what was happening. He said he didn't feel anything for me but friendship and that he wanted to say that on the second date. I asked for some time off from him so I could recover.
When I was recovered and said he could contact me again he acted like he had totally lost me. He apologized a couple of times saying "it wasn't my intention", "I don't know when I flirt" and if I was angry at him. Eventual i said "Don't worry about it, if I hated your gut you wouldn't have heard from me again.". That being said, I'm still somewhat angry because of what he did.
I'm now back with him on a friend basis, but he is constantly trying to get me closer and when I get to close he starts to push again (he even flirted once and it was something I said on the first date).
Thanks to how he acted to me and the feelings that I had for him I kept being in love (he really is a good, funny and nice boy and his voice and looks changed so good thanks to the T >.<).
I had enough from him a bit so I stopped sending texts back for a few days (I usually start the first text). On the fourth day I hadn't sent a text he sent me a text which had no real meaning other than to get me to respond (a bit in the way "I have nothing to say, but I'm here").
One thing is sure, he doesn't want to lose me (and I don't want to lose him).
I still love him, but I really don't know how to deal with him anymore. Does somebody recognize this behavior and is it because of the T, him being insecure, a combination or something else?
I'm grateful for any advice.
