It's okay to be scared, sweetie. Honestly it can sometimes be a scary thing for a lot of people, so don't feel bad about that, okay?
Yeah, some trans people have bad things happen to them. But that absolutely doesn't mean it's going to happen to you. These things say far more about the perpetrators of such incidents than it says about the victims. And... well... if someone has it in them to do something like that, then I'm not sure being trans or not being trans would make a whole lot of difference. But honestly, it's a little like saying that some people get injured or killed crossing the road, so one should never cross the road. Sure it eliminates the possibility entirely but you never get to see what's on the other side.
Fear of the unknown is a very strong fear. One of the strongest. Because it's based on an evolutionary instinct to need to protect ourselves and to feel in control of our situation. When we don't feel we can do one or the other of those, that's when the mind steps in with the emotional paralysing agent to stop us taking risks.
One thing I would say is to start small. Find things you can be in control of. One step at a time. The whole thing looks overwhelming sometimes, I know, but you don't have to do everything at once.
To that end... are you seeing someone at the moment, sweetie? Like a therapist or counsellor or something? You know, someone you can talk to and discuss all this with? If not, I think that would be a good first step. Someone to just talk all this through with, discuss your fears, and what you can do to get past them... even if what you want to do is the right thing for you, you know? You don't have to take it any further than that if you decide not to. But it's a step which you have control over, something which you can do to give yourself a nudge in the right direction, whatever that direction may be.
One step at a time, sweetie. *hugs*
