Hi there,
I'm a straight guy. Waited for my penis to grow in till I was about 7 before I realized. Always had phantom limb syndrome in that area, from the time I was a kid. Still do.
Never fit in with the lesbian community much although they were very helpful to me in earlier years.
Im almost 30 and an actor. For multiple reasons, my career being one, I am not transitioning or "passing" as male and don't plan to. I'm not the butchest guy and most people think I'm a lesbian if not a straight chick.
I have long hair and wear makeup sometimes cause I like the way it makes me look in this particular situation of a body I have.
I still mourn my body at times and hate it but I'm trying to learn to accept it, at least generally. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes.
And also, though I feel that my body is not an accurate visual of who I am, I think it is important for people to start to see guys that look like me. And girls that look like any "Joe" on the street.
People have a harder time with pronouns for me. Which makes sense. Pronouns are for outer appearance, really. Not actual. Even people that know and "see me" as a guy have a hard time with the pronouns. I don't mind as much, so long as they know me.
I know I'm a different face of the majority of the trans-guy community and I'm open to talking about it with anyone who is open to hear me. Some people don't believe that I am transgender because I am not transitioning and that is extremely frustrating and heartbreaking. But I get it.
I'm just looking for a place where I'll be acknowledged and believed in the midst of fighting for the integrity of my identity in daily life. I'm afraid to be judged by other trans-guys too because of my sometimes feminie outer appearance. Sooooo...this is me reaching out for community anyway.
Sorry for the long intro. Thanks for reading. And hello.
