How to calm down?

[BearGuy]

Hey everyone, about a year ago I posted a thread about hair loss. I developed anxiety and panic over it, and it controlled my life. That lasted weeks at a time, went away, came back after a while. I can attribute it to OCD; I wasn't ever diagnosed with it, but I am 100% certain I have it, and not as a joke, but as a medical condition, unfortunately. I have to obsess with something and get insane over it...always did since I was a kid. But never mind that now.

It started with me shedding a lot when I shower and comb my hair. I freaked out, because I'd lose up to 50 hairs every time I'd brush my hair (I'd brush for a while until I see no hairs falling out). I actually counted...sometimes it'd be 100 or so hairs a day, sometimes up to 200 (approximations of course). You're probably thinking I'm mentally unstable, oh well...I know that myself -.- I have obsessive issues.

Eventually, I forgot about it. Started getting cool haircuts and just living my life, until I had nothing to obsess about and it hit me again at 1 year and 4 months on T. And man, did it hit me hard. I started counting again, and same thing...40-50 hairs a brush. But the thing is, it doesn't stop falling. I have a horrible obsession with picking at it ALL the time...pulling it gently, picking out hairs, and they come out easily! Showers are the worst...I have handfulls of short stray hairs. I went to my doctor, and 3 professionals have told me my hair looks fine and I have a good male hairline, not Norwood 1 anymore though...hitting Norwood 2 (as I presume). Recently, I developed a really bad scalp itch, and bumps on my head, which my doctor said was extremely dry scalp. Could this be why my hair started falling again?

Man...how do I just shut up about this? I feel helpless. I spend half a day on this idiocy. I'll be 20 in a month; I have no social life, no friends, and I cannot complete my goals because of this. Hair all day. I know it's not normal but what can I do? I'm so afraid of losing it, but I don't want to take any more meds like Rogaine or Propecia. I want my sex drive, I want my facial hair, I want to just be a man and act like one. Should I go to a dermatologist and get a confirmation at last? What drives me insane is the amount of hairs that I shed; it's 100 or more on a daily basis (could it be because I touch it so much, pull at it, brush it all the time?) I touch my hair and always get strands on my hands. Every time I touch it, 1-2 strands. Within a minute, I've pulled out 20+.

[Kreuzfidel]

I would say that you need to go to a dermatologist.  GP's, while knowledgeable, don't always have the answers that a specialist may have.

Additionally, not to be abrupt and offend, but are you seeing a therapist or psychologist at all?  Because it sounds like you have some issues going on with anxiety that you are obviously very aware of and I think that professional guidance will help you more realistically achieve your goals and work through any issues that may be holding you back.

[BearGuy]

I would say that you need to go to a dermatologist.  GP's, while knowledgeable, don't always have the answers that a specialist may have.

Additionally, not to be abrupt and offend, but are you seeing a therapist or psychologist at all?  Because it sounds like you have some issues going on with anxiety that you are obviously very aware of and I think that professional guidance will help you more realistically achieve your goals and work through any issues that may be holding you back.

My GP who is specialized in trans issues has told me several times that I should see a therapist alongside my transition, but the problem is that I don't have a car, and where I live everything is 25+ minute drive so it's nearly impossible with my schedule to get anywhere. Ik it'd be a great idea... but on the other hand, I used to take serotonin reuptake inhibitors which had horrible side effects, and I'm afraid I'd get prescribed more trash to put into my system. I want to work my way out of this nonsense without any stupid pills or anything like that, which in the end only do more harm than good...but to speak with a professional would be great. More of a therapist than a doctor.

[Kreuzfidel]

My GP who is specialized in trans issues has told me several times that I should see a therapist alongside my transition, but the problem is that I don't have a car, and where I live everything is 25+ minute drive so it's nearly impossible with my schedule to get anywhere. Ik it'd be a great idea... but on the other hand, I used to take serotonin reuptake inhibitors which had horrible side effects, and I'm afraid I'd get prescribed more trash to put into my system. I want to work my way out of this nonsense without any stupid pills or anything like that, which in the end only do more harm than good...but to speak with a professional would be great. More of a therapist than a doctor.

No need for a car these days - there are online therapists everywhere.  Guys here have used them. 

Additionally, a therapist isn't going to force you to take medication that you've reacted to badly in the past - you do have a voice and a say in your own treatment.

If they say that you should consider taking such a medication you can kindly decline and explain your past experiences with it.

[JayDawg]

According to WebMD, "Everyone loses some hair every day. Losing up to 100 hairs a day is normal." All of us are constantly shedding old hair and growing new hair. When my hair is long, I pull a small wad of it out of the shower drain holes every time I shower, more comes out when I comb my hair afterward, but I still have the same amount of hair on my head.

You may want to review your diet and make sure you're getting enough protein and fat. My hair and skin are at their best when I stick to my Paleo diet.

And... stop pulling at your hair Maybe give yourself a gentle scalp massage with the pads of your fingers instead?

[Bombadil]

I was going to suggest online therapy too. I think therapy could really help you. No offense meant. I'm not quite sure how it breaks down in the UK but not all therapists can even prescribe meds.

Also, have you heard of Trichotillomania? It's an impulsive urge to pull out your hair.

[GnomeKid]

I remember a hair stylist telling me that you loose up to 100 hairs a day when I was really little.  Don't know why it stuck with me, but I'm glad it did.  The context was she was talking about some lady who was worried her hair was falling out every time she brushed it.  You're not alone in that. 

I get moments of "oh ->-bleeped-<- I'm balding" but then I look back and realize my hairline wasn't too much different in photos of myself from middle school.  I think its natural for transmen (really all men) to have this fear, as so many do actually loose their hair.  Thing is its a vicious circle.  Worrying is only going to cause more hair loss which causes more worrying. 

Obviously sitting back and realizing you have no control over the situation doesn't seem like its going to be so easy for you, but its what I do.  My hair will be here in its fantastic voluminous state for x more years.  I'll just have to enjoy it for that long.  Who knows... I/you could turn out to be that white haired old man with hair of a 30 year old.  Only time will tell though.  Until then there is no use being pessimistic about it.  Think good hair thoughts, not bad ones?

and if you want to avoid pills go to a psychologist or other non-MD therapist instead of a psychiatrist.   

[BearGuy]

Thank you everyone for your replies. It just falls out in shocking amounts, especially when showering.

Question, is it normal for the sides of your head to have thinner, finer hair than the top and back?

[Kreuzfidel]

Thank you everyone for your replies. It just falls out in shocking amounts, especially when showering.

Question, is it normal for the sides of your head to have thinner, finer hair than the top and back?

Mine is quite like that.  I don't know if it's normal or not. 

[FTMDiaries]

Thank you everyone for your replies. It just falls out in shocking amounts, especially when showering.

Question, is it normal for the sides of your head to have thinner, finer hair than the top and back?

Mine is like that too.

It's easy for an outsider to say that you should just stop obsessing over it and that your hair is probably fine (which it probably is), but when you have obsessive issues this can seem impossible to do. It's very difficult to get yourself out of that kind of heightened anxiety.

So my recommendation is two-fold: 1) see a dermatologist even if just for the reassurance that your hair is actually OK; and 2) see a therapist who can help with your obsessive issues. Many obsessive issues can be effectively treated using talking therapies alone, depending on the patient and the cause. So you could learn to cope without having to take any meds. And if you do need meds, there are plenty on the market that are not SSRIs.