To be accepted by closed minded wife

[Sincerely Tegan]

Ugh, I know the feeling of going back into the closet. I was so scared, though, at the time, of losing her that I managed to suppress it all for the better part of a year. But the dysphoria came back as soon as the dust settled and life became comfortable again. Now I'm back in therapy, though she thinks it's for depression and substance dependency. At least I'm letting myself explore this, but yeah, I hate feeling like I'm sneaking around.

Are you seeing a therapist? If not, please do. It helps a lot.

Good luck. We're rooting for you.

-Teg

[JoanneB]

There are plenty of success stories which pale in comparison to the failures. Success takes a lot of hard work, on both sides. And even then there is no guarantee of a win. Only the knowledge that you tried the best you can and sort out all the tools and help you could to suceed. Not just wish for the best.

A big part of the tenuous success I am having with my wife is lots of open and honest communication. Something I was not so good at. Paled in comparison to her. This also meant a lot of scary talks as well as gallons of tears. All while discovering that fine balance between needed information and TMI. This applies to both sides.

I always like to remind others that we spent nearly a lifetime trying to get a grip on being TG, much less being able to understand it. What chance does an SO have after dropping the T-Bomb? It can take weeks just for the visceral feelings of being lied to, betrayal, and far worse the negative suspicions, to fade. Even longer for the Jerry Springer images to fade.

My wife followed by my job are the two biggest reasons I am living mainly as a male. She also firmly believes that in time that will likely not be the case. She sees all the positive changes in my life. She has heard from me how happy and genuine I feel being the real me. Neither of can say what the future holds, if she will be there for me. Her fear is, or really was, I won't be there for her. That I'll fall in love with a guy or perhaps a TS.

[JulieC.]

the T-Bomb

I haven't heard that expression for coming out to your wife before...it's perfect!

I would say I am also one of the success stories (so far).  It seems like most of us that remain together with our wives it's almost always followed with that caveat (so far). It's almost as if the closer we get to being where we want to be the greater the stress it creates on the marriage. 

In my situation my wife was tolerant at first and has actually become more supportive over time.  I am in a similar situation as Joanne.  I spend most of my time as a male because of my business.  Around my wife I can be my female self BUT she has not had to introduce me as her wife Julie yet.  I haven't legally changed my name yet.  I haven't gone to a family get together as Julie yet.  No one has criticized her for staying with me (yet).  So I wonder how some of those things will effect her support when they do happen.  Only time will tell.  For right now I am elated to have her in my life still have have the support she does show me.

I would add one more thing.  I fully expected the bad reaction when I dropped the T-Bomb.  I think the reason she has become more supportive over time is because I have been taking it slow.  I let the dust settle after the explosion. I didn't start wearing dresses everywhere we went and make her call me Julie the next day.  I introduced her to Julie little by little.  And as she has gotten to know her it's been a positive thing.  I think she likes Julie.  It may even have made our marriage stronger. (for now)  Damn caveat again!