My Mom's Denial . . .

[Gina Taylor]

Yesterday, I was talking with my mom about my being transgendered and she told me straight up that she gave birth to a boy and she'll never be able to accept me as a woman.  At least my friends have accepted me as I am, and I showed some pictures to my GP and he now sees things in a different light.

[suzifrommd]

Yesterday, I was talking with my mom about my being transgendered and she told me straight up that she gave birth to a boy and she'll never be able to accept me as a woman.  At least my friends have accepted me as I am, and I showed some pictures to my GP and he now sees things in a different light.

Empathy comes slowly to some and is impossible for others. I hope your mother is in the first of those two categories.

Because anyone who has the SLIGHTEST idea what it feels like to be transgender, would never dream of saying something like that.

[izzy]

My mom said something like this yesterday and it hurts really bad. What could I do and hope for them to come around.

[ErinWDK]

Yesterday, I was talking with my mom about my being transgendered and she told me straight up that she gave birth to a boy and she'll never be able to accept me as a woman.  At least my friends have accepted me as I am, and I showed some pictures to my GP and he now sees things in a different light.

Gina,

My tendency - sort of because I am trans - is to try the soft sell.  You have tried this and it has not worked.  At some point to protect the real you, you will have to find some way to not react to the things she says.  This is NOT easy, I know.  However, you need to find some way to keep the sting of the totally hurtful things she says from soaking into your inner being and damaging the real Gina.

You have said in other posts that she has gone with you to your therapist and said similar negative things.  It may be time to have a private consultation with the therapist and discuss ways you can deal with your mother.

I am sad for this to be happening to you and really hope things can turn around.

Keep trying!


Erin

[Rachel]

Hugs Gina,

I know the words hurt you. I hope your Mom comes around.

[Gina Taylor]

Empathy comes slowly to some and is impossible for others. I hope your mother is in the first of those two categories.

Because anyone who has the SLIGHTEST idea what it feels like to be transgender, would never dream of saying something like that.

Unfortunately Suzi, I think she's more on the impossible side.

[Gina Taylor]

My mom said something like this yesterday and it hurts really bad. What could I do and hope for them to come around.

I sympathize with you Izzy. But we can only hope and wait . . .

[Gina Taylor]

Gina,

My tendency - sort of because I am trans - is to try the soft sell.  You have tried this and it has not worked.  At some point to protect the real you, you will have to find some way to not react to the things she says.  This is NOT easy, I know.  However, you need to find some way to keep the sting of the totally hurtful things she says from soaking into your inner being and damaging the real Gina.

You have said in other posts that she has gone with you to your therapist and said similar negative things.  It may be time to have a private consultation with the therapist and discuss ways you can deal with your mother.

I am sad for this to be happening to you and really hope things can turn around.

Keep trying!


Erin

That's an excellent suggestion Erin, and I'll be seeing my therapist next week, and I'll be bringing up a few new angles to him.

[Gina Taylor]

Hugs Gina,

I know the words hurt you. I hope your Mom comes around.

Thanks for your concern Cynthia, but unfortunately my mom will never come around . . .

[Taka]

i'm sorry about your mother, it really does hurt when they do that. it's almost like some of them see their children as a personal investment on the same level as a hunting dog or track horse... my mother definitely placed all of her own past regrets and ambitions on me, trying to raise me to become what she couldn't. i was supposed to grow up to become a perfect sheltered princess, not my actual true self.

whenever the time comes for me to start transitioning, i won't bother taking her with me on the journey. she once said something that made me give up on her completely. admitted that she's bad at communicating with introverted people, so she never even tried to get to know me as a child. and probably doesn't really care to know me now either. she just wants me to be the person she wants me to be, and still says she wants the best for me when she insists on me abstaining from any of the things that might actually make me happy.

kind of lost all respect for her as a mother. she can be a great person to have around, really good with practical things.
she just isn't a mother to me, only the person who gave birth to me and provided for me in my early years. and for that she shall have my thanks.
but everything else just... lacks.

[Gina Taylor]

i'm sorry about your mother, it really does hurt when they do that. it's almost like some of them see their children as a personal investment on the same level as a hunting dog or track horse... my mother definitely placed all of her own past regrets and ambitions on me, trying to raise me to become what she couldn't. i was supposed to grow up to become a perfect sheltered princess, not my actual true self.

whenever the time comes for me to start transitioning, i won't bother taking her with me on the journey. she once said something that made me give up on her completely. admitted that she's bad at communicating with introverted people, so she never even tried to get to know me as a child. and probably doesn't really care to know me now either. she just wants me to be the person she wants me to be, and still says she wants the best for me when she insists on me abstaining from any of the things that might actually make me happy.

kind of lost all respect for her as a mother. she can be a great person to have around, really good with practical things.
she just isn't a mother to me, only the person who gave birth to me and provided for me in my early years. and for that she shall have my thanks.
but everything else just... lacks.

Y'know Taka, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm an introverted person as well, and being first born, my mom had high hopes for me to do things and because of an accident that I had no control over she's still expecting me to be this person from my past that I can never be and she won't accept the new version of me, which unfortunately is a woman.

[Gina Taylor]

Yesterday my mom told me that she doesn't care what I do with my life, as long as it doesn't involve her. I think she
s finally lowering her defense!!!  So I'm going to see if I can be the real me around her for next month and see how she feels about it. Hopefully I'll have the support of my therapist.

[gennee]

Gina, you can only hope that your mom has a change of heart. Over the years I have noticed that when someone tells their parents that they are transgender,they treat it as a phase. When transitioning is a reality, I've read where the parent(s) were besides themselves. The main fear, I believe, is that they are losing their son or daughter or husband or wife or dad or mom. You've the same person, just in a different presentation.

You would think the family would be happy because you doing something to improve your life. A lot of times this is not the case. It's really sad because it seems that belief systems and personal esteem trumps what's best for the person.

[Gina Taylor]

Gina, you can only hope that your mom has a change of heart. Over the years I have noticed that when someone tells their parents that they are transgender,they treat it as a phase. When transitioning is a reality, I've read where the parent(s) were besides themselves. The main fear, I believe, is that they are losing their son or daughter or husband or wife or dad or mom. You've the same person, just in a different presentation.

You would think the family would be happy because you doing something to improve your life. A lot of times this is not the case. It's really sad because it seems that belief systems and personal esteem trumps what's best for the person.

Hey Gennee, thanks for your deep thoughts. It's kind of a shame that my mom doesn't have the same understanding as we do.

[Gina Taylor]

My mom told me the other day that she may have to have surgery on her arm, and her other arm is not doing so well. Recovery is four to six weeks. So she'll be asking me to drive her around. Now most of the times I'm in my true form as a woman, so she can't expect me to be flip flopping for her advantage, so finally the ball is in my court and she's gonna have to spend some time with her 'daughter' driving her around. 

[Rachel]

Gina Hugs,

Your Mom will have to rely on you more and more as she ages. I think she will be very thankful.

[suzifrommd]

My mom told me the other day that she may have to have surgery on her arm, and her other arm is not doing so well. Recovery is four to six weeks. So she'll be asking me to drive her around. Now most of the times I'm in my true form as a woman, so she can't expect me to be flip flopping for her advantage, so finally the ball is in my court and she's gonna have to spend some time with her 'daughter' driving her around. 

It's true what they say. "What goes around comes around..."

[Gina Taylor]

Gina Hugs,

Your Mom will have to rely on you more and more as she ages. I think she will be very thankful.

Y'know Cynthia, I realized that the other day. My sister {who lives with them} hasn't driven in two years so yes she does rely and depend on me a lot in her aging years, and there really is only so much that my aging father can do as well. So it's finally come time for her to eat crow and start accepting me as her daughter, or it will cost her money that she doesn't have for these expenses. 

[Gina Taylor]

It's true what they say. "What goes around comes around..."

Well said Suzi, and so true!