I almost do, but thankful I don't

[MbutF]

I have two big secrets....

Incident #1

When I'm drunk, I tend to lose my ability to filter what I say. I was having a drink with my buddy 4 months ago, he opened up about his own life, family, girlfriend, and stuff like that, I started feeling the urge to reciprocate, share my own personal issues. out of nowhere I said "Dude, I want to be a woman".

Guess what happened?

He DIDN'T LISTEN,  he was so drunk that he didn't listen to me, I guess? He was too busy going on and on about himself, that the words I said flew right past him, he was completely oblivious as to what I said. Pretty soon, I realized. "What the heck did I just say?" Oh my god!

Incident #2

Me and two of my friends were having a conversation about life, philosophy, space and stuff. My friend compliments me, and tells me I'm a very nice guy. I'm like "yeah, yeah, I know, I like to help people blah blah blah", and suddenly, out of nowhere, I start talking about how tolerant and accepting I am of all people, INCLUDING gay people. Both my friends were surprised, I could see the 'why in the world did he bring up that up now?' look in their eyes. 

I was testing waters, trying to see if they'd respond in kind, but they didn't, so I quickly changed the topic, nothing ever happened.

Incident #3

Just three days ago, talking over the phone.... I felt the time was right for a confession, but I wisely, did not.

I can't come out right now, I just can't. but it's hard keeping secrets.

[Jessica Merriman]

I can't come out right now, I just can't. but it's hard keeping secrets.

It is OK sweetie! You will know when the time is right for you and only you. You should not place any extra pressure on yourself or meet anyone's expectations, but yours. You know your family and friends better than anyone else here and how you will tailor your coming out to each group specifically. Coming out is VERY hard for a person to do. I think it is the hardest step in transition so don't rush it and commit fully when the time is right. 

[MbutF]

It is OK sweetie! You will know when the time is right for you and only you. You should not place any extra pressure on yourself or meet anyone's expectations, but yours. You know your family and friends better than anyone else here and how you will tailor your coming out to each group specifically. Coming out is VERY hard for a person to do. I think it is the hardest step in transition so don't rush it and commit fully when the time is right. 

thank you for understanding.

It's never easy for anyone, you don't know what might happen, my friends might turn on me. I know for sure that things won't be the same between them and me if they knew my secret. That's really my biggest fear.

In a way, I wish I never had gotten close to anyone, it would have made things a lot easier, I think.

[Jessica Merriman]

It's never easy for anyone, you don't know what might happen, my friends might turn on me. I know for sure that things won't be the same between them and me if they knew my secret. That's really my biggest fear.

I had the same fears as well and you will lose some in all likelihood, but I have gained far more than I lost. My family was angry at first and wanted me gone, but now there is acceptance and tolerance of my situation. You have to remember it is a shock to them and people respond panicky to shock. After thought is given and it wears off I think you will be pleasantly surprised, I was. The value I found in coming out is it really shows you your true friends in life, those who will be there for you anytime versus those who just use you. I lost a few, but the ones who stayed beside me I know now I can have full confidence and trust in. I think you will find HRT makes you more outgoing and social. It really did for me and people say I am nice to be around now. Don't make the mistake of pre judging how people will respond to you as they deserve the chance to accept you.