Comming out letter

[Sheala]

Hey guys I wrote this letter for the family members that dont know about me yet. Thenn me your most brutal of thoughts

Dear _____________:

   I want to start by expressing how sorry I am for how abrupt the start of this letter will be, unfortunately I do not think I can write this all out without starting with the main issue of this letter and explain after.  Since October last year I have been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), what that means, I am a male however I feel and believe I should be female, and plan on transitioning to become one.
   Ok now the History of where these feelings started and how they have developed over time.  I can remember back to the age of 12, for some reason I have forgotten past that age. There are bits and pieces but that's about it. At 12 I started thinking what it would be like to be a girl, also fantasized being taken from my family changed into a girl then returned.  I knew those thoughts and feelings were not "normal", I unfortunately did not have the vocabulary or know how to express what I was thinking or feeling.  So I did what I have done with them most of my life. I buried them and did what I felt I needed to do to prove my masculinity not only to everyone else but to myself as well.
   Now this is where I start divulging things that I'm not completely comfortable speaking about however this is where it belongs. A little before I graduated high school I acquired the fetish of age play. During "age play" I would imagine myself as a younger age, specifically a young girl. I later found out that a large percentage of transgender individuals share this fetish. The reason for this is as a child there is no secondary sex characteristics. A boy child could pass as a little girl or a little girl could pass as a little boy all depending on just the clothes they are wearing. This age play stayed with me as well as the fantasy of being changed into a woman until I started talking and seeking therapy for this.
   Now one of the reasons I started to seek therapy was I starting to get agitated for unknown reasons it seemed every little thing would just send me over the edge. Then there was the bed room, off and on and getting more often I had to imagine that I was a woman for me to get pleasure. Ok to get away from the sexual side of things here.  I remember having to always need to pay attention to how I did things because it was not how boys or men did things. When it would have been more comfortable for me to do it in a more feminine manner, such as when crossing my legs, or how I place my hands on my hips.
   Ok now that we have the back ground set I'm going to move on to the more current events. I have been seeing a VA therapist since late June last year. I sought out an actual gender therapist. Only went to two appointments there because they wanted to stream line me into hormones. So I stayed with my VA therapist. It took a few months before she directed me to a psychiatrist within the VA that specialized in the diagnosing of GID. I spoke to her in October, after I had taken a couple psychiatric tests to rule out any other form of psychosis.  There was no other psychosis found, she wrote me a "carry letter" that is a letter that I can show people to help explain why I may be dressed like a woman but still having a male ID and name. She also wrote a letter to my PCP to start Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).   Before I was able to get into these therapy sessions my depression go so bad that I was debating and fighting with suicide on a daily basis.
   It took me until mid-November to get into and see the gynecologist; they are the center that is managing my HRT. Since starting HRT my emotional standing has improved so much. As I look back now I realize that I have been depressed not a deep dark depression more one that was subtle that I never came out of so I never knew that I was, and it honestly scares me how someone could be so depressed and never realize they are. 
   So where does this put me now. Well I am on a testosterone blocker that prevents the testosterone that my body makes from working on my body. I am also taking an estrogen that is slowly making me go through a second puberty, only turning more womanly.  I am developing my own breasts, and my face is rounding out, and the little fat that I have is moving into places where women have fat like the hips and bottom.  I am going to stay working where I am, I have told all my coworkers they have been very supportive, so has Megan through all this. I am still going to attend my church that I have been going to; the pastor has told me that he will not leave me just because of this.
   Kate is aware and we are deciding when and how to inform the boys. I am of the mindset that sooner is better however she doesn't think so.  I will never leave my boys I will still stand by them and help guide them through life, yes they will have another mother but it's not the worst that could happen. Megan will also be with me, even through all this we have still decided to get married and still wish to go through life together side by side. I know going forward in life we will face a lot of adversity and people that just refuse to understand what I am and why I did what I did.
   Now where do I go from here, well to start with I will be continuing therapy.  That will not stop for a very long time. I will also be continuing my hormones, I believe if I were to stop I would go into such a deep depression I would have a very hard time recovering.  I am looking into having an SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery) in the future.  Honestly not too sure how far out or when I will have it done if I even do. I am not going to think about any facial or breast augmentation for at least two years from hormone start date.
   I have recently contacted a legal group that has pro bono attorneys to help with a legal name and gender change. Yes Shawn can be either a male name or a female name; however I have made Shawn a very male name. If I were to continue with Shawn I would never feel like the woman that I am becoming. So I will be changing my name to Sheala Dawn Reinertson. I am slowly changing my wardrobe from male to female. What this means from you; I request that you use my new name as well as using female pronouns when speaking to or about me.
   I want you to know that this is not something that could have been changed at a younger age if it had been found sooner; there is nothing that any one did to cause this. The best guess as to how this happens is a hormonal imbalance in the uterus during early development , please if you have any questions please feel free to contact me and I will gladly talk to you about this or anything else for that matter. 
Love you all
Sheala Dawn Reinertson

[Ms Grace]

It is a very thorough letter, but I wonder if it isn't a bit too thorough? You mention it is for family people who don't know but didn't say who exactly. Mother, father and siblings or long distant cousins? Sure the folks need to know stuff, but I don't think I told mine anywhere near half as much... admittedly I told mine face to face and burst into tears but I still think I managed to tell them everything they needed to know. My brother who I'm not that close with is going to get a one paragraph email. Cousins, who I never see anyway, aren't getting anything.

The level of detail is up to you of course, maybe your folks are the kind who need every fact to be convinced... I thought mine were too but apparently not.

[Sheala]

Well part of the problem is I live in PA my whole family is in OR. It will be for thouse that i was and are very close with. my parents I have told and when i came out to them it was an email and no where near as much detail as this but it needed it. I cant do face to face due to shere distance and time between infrequent visits. Im sure that over time as much info as i have put in to this has been brought up. I just lack the luxury of time.