BTW, coming out to your parent in a letter might be a good idea because you don't have to reply them every single question.
I found this come out letter at
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/75958-my-coming-out-letter-my-parents.htmlIt's a coming out as a gay but you might adapt for your own.
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Dear Mom and Dad:
I am writing this letter, not because I'm feeling that I cannot talk about my feelings to you directly, but because I believe that I am able to better express my thoughts through my words written on paper. There is so much I want to say, and I really want to say it all in this letter, but I believe that I need to leave some things out, so that I may better explain them to you guys in person. Because I am sure you both will have many questions to ask of me; and I assure you, I don't have all of the answers, but I do have most of them. So, without any further delay, I'll get on with what I intend to share within the margins of this letter.
For the past thirteen years of my life, I have been lying to everyone in my life, including you, my own two parents. And I'm sick of living a life that is based on a lie, which is why I believe that now is the time for me to come out to you both about the fact that I am gay. First off, before either one of you have the chance to blame yourselves, I need you to understand that this is nothing to do with the way that I was raised. I feel that I was naturally born this way, and that there is nothing to be blamed on how I was raised by you two. This is something that I have had a lot of time to think about, and I think that it is absolutely essential, that you not blame yourselves. This is just the way that I naturally am.
So now that you know what is actually going on in my life, I think you both deserve to know the entire story from the beginning, when I started to notice that I was different from the other kids I was growing up with.
The first thing I remember, that I can connect to my sexual orientation starts way back in the third grade, when I started to look at guys my age and think to myself about how they looked and what I liked about them. This is quite possibly why I was never much of a 'friends' kind of kid growing up, why I was such a loner during my earlier years. For years after these initial feelings, I began to wonder why I wasn't feeling this way towards the girls I was going to school with. And this puzzled me, so I didn't say anything about it because I didn't know what these feelings were called at the time, I didn't know the term for it.
Years would pass before I would know what these feelings for other boys meant, and what it meant for me in terms of living a normal life. I am not in the least bit suggesting that I cannot live a normal life the way that I am, it's just that I'm going to have to go about living my life diverging from the standards of modern society. So, once I came to the realization that life would be different from the way that I was told life was supposed to be lived, I buried my feelings, thoughts, and emotions. Hoping that one day, it would prove to be just a phase and would pass... But it didn't. And I believe that this isn't something that can be simply swept under the rug and forgotten.
The next set of events in my life, which included my brief but heartfelt relationship with [Girlfriend], awakened me to the fact that these emotions are here to stay, and will not be going away. During my relationship with [Girlfriend], I was sure that what I felt towards her was the kind of love that is felt between two individuals in a heterosexual relationship. And I'll admit that I might have pushed myself into the relationship because I was desperate to find partnership. To find someone who can understand me and someone who I can share my every thought and feeling with. But over the course of the first month or so that I was dating her, I noticed that every time I kissed her, and held her in my arms, all I felt was the warmth of her body. There was not a single bit of feeling behind my actions with her. No electricity. Or magic. I felt alone, even though I was with someone I knew I could talk to. But I still felt isolated and cold.
That was when I started to do some research, watching YouTube videos of others who were going through or had gone through what I was going through. Watching these people, talk about my emotions as if they could read my mind, brought tears to my eyes. I felt understood, even if the one I was listening to was hundreds of miles away and had never even heard of me. I felt understood, and for the first time in my life, not alone.
Even though I had found comfort and support from others who had felt with what I was going through, I still felt that there was something holding me back. Something tearing away at my soul that was telling me that I could never live a life as a homosexual man, and be safe. That's when it became apparent to me, that the reason why I was so unsettled with the idea of living that kind of lifestyle, was because of just that... My soul.
In the book of Leviticus in the bible, Leviticus goes on to say that homosexuality is a sin that is punishable by death, and is a complete abomination. This stuck with me, and made me afraid of what I was, and made me fear for the salvation of my soul in the afterlife. I once again felt myself getting cold, and alone. I felt that I had been sentenced by God to live a life of unhappiness, in order to gain entry to the kingdom of heaven.
That was when I found 'Prayers for Bobby'.
Watching this movie, truly moved me, and made me feel as though I might have a chance, however small it may be, to get into heaven without living out a life unhappiness. Like I mentioned before, Leviticus goes on to say that homosexuality is a sin punishable by death, and we seem to take the idea that homosexuality is still a sin even today. But yet, Leviticus also says that it is a sin to have children that are disobedient, or to mismatch colors of clothes. Both of these sins are said to be punishable by death, yet we do not see them as that much of a threat these days. That's when I made a connection, an idea formed in my head that continues to give me hope.
The bible was written by God, and interpreted by man. So who is to say that any one interpretation is wrong or which is correct. I know the idea of interpreting the bible to make you feel better about yourself is blasphemous, but I would rather live my life happy under what I believe God wants me to believe, rather than live a life hiding from the world in a closet, waiting for judgment day.
I understand that all of this information may be overbearing and too much for you to take in, and I'm sorry for having to put you both through this, but I'm tired of living according to what others think is the right way to live. I've had years to think about this, and I have accepted myself as a gay man. And I am not particularly proud of it, God knows I would give anything to be straight, but I can't. I understand if you need some time, I have taken years to come to terms and make peace with my sexual orientation, so I completely understand if you need some time to think things through.
When you are through reading this letter, I'll probably be at one of my friends houses. I'll probably be shaking, fearful of how my relationship with you two will change when you read this and learn of my decision to come out of the closet. Like you probably are, or will be, I'll probably be crying, and praying as I await for a call or text message from you. And then I'll come home, where we can talk about anything and everything you might have questions about.
And in my closing of this letter, I would like to say one last thing before you decide to call me to come home to talk. I love you both, with all of my heart, and I hope that you both can find it in yourselves to continue to love and support me, even if you don't approve with my decision to live my life happily.
I love you both so much.
Your son
