When Your Kids Pay the Price

[Ev]

I am not going to lie: I am almost invincible when it comes to this trans-stuff, short of being harmed physically.  I can make jokes about myself/my transition all day.  I can joke about how "fat and hairy" I was as a "guy" and how they are going to do "horrible, unspeakable things to my manhood" in front of the guys to get them riled up/nervous when they start cracking about how I wear a skirt these days.  I can be called a h***er a thousand times and just laugh it off/ignore people, maybe even "name my price" (which is always too high.)  Clocking doesn't phase me.  Being told to leave a restraunt (which has happened before) didn't even bother me.  I just told them "their loss, not mine.  There are plenty of other places to eat."  I am a little narcissitic at times so insults go right over my head, even about my looks.  Say what you will of my voice: I think it's funny.  Kind of like Dr. Girlfriend from Venture Bros.

So, how to get to me?  My kids.

It's small and could have been much worse, but the way it goes is this: my kids go through a charter school program.  One of the teachers there they have had for almost 4 or 5 years.  She did VERY well with my two sons, who were considered "special needs" by the public school system.  She is an excellent teacher, and the kids almost view her like a buddy.  All three of them.

However, I go to a lot of the meetings.  As far as "dads" are concerned, I am very involved (as long as it doesn't interfere with my children's development, I am there for them.)  I very well am going to possibly be going through HRT over the summer, and am yet to go to the school "dressed up" because I needed to run it by staff first.

So, at this last meeting, I did just that: ran it by the staff.

Now, that teacher refuses to work with my kids anymore, with only one month of the year left.  I suspect religion is at play here, as she seemed to want to be their teacher but had her hands tied by an external source.  I even volunteered to stay out of the meetings, so she wouldn't be uncomfortable.  She is an excellent match with the kids, who really enjoyed her as a teacher.  However, now that she knows she "just can't."  So, we have a replacement, seeing as to how the school cannot deny my kids an education.  They'll get over it and perhaps I am worrying about it too much, but that one really upset me.  My kids are not the ones transitioning.  I'm not saying that even if any of them were they would deserve "bad" treatement, but you get what I am saying I am sure.

One large reason why I chose the charter school program is because my "religious preference" means I won't participate in prayer or the flag salute because public worship is agains the "code" and we are in a predominatley conservative area.  My kids do not adhere to my "religion" 100% (as I don't make them adhere to it) but they don't like prayer or worship of inanimate objects (the flag) either...and I didn't want them to get flack for it.  I also knew I was going to transition in the future and didn't want the risk of my kids being uprooted/ganged up on at school for my choice.  I am glad damage was minimal, as I predicted that as soon as I came out it would affect them in whatever school they were at.  (I am a life-planner and can "see into the future" so to speak.)  Because of this "ability" of mine the backlash isn't too harsh, but I worry about next year sometimes when I am more "public" with my change.

I can only hope they (my kids) don't get singled out because of me any more than they already have.  THAT I will have a hard time coping with.

[justpat]

   This kind of stuff just drives me crazy !!!For so many reasons it is totally WRONG.I have to stop before I go into a complete rant ,this did hit a HOT button. My support is with you .   Patty

[ErinWDK]

Ev,

I am saddened to hear this happened to your kids.  As Patty said it is just WRONG on so many levels.

All I can offer is hugs...  HUGS!!!


Erin

[JamesG]

Haters gotta hate I guess.

This is pretty much the reason why I do not plan on transitioning in the "traditional" sense.

[gennee]

That's really a shame. All because of misinformed, fearful adults.

[Shana-chan]

@Ev: I don't know if this will make you feel better but, look on the bright side. That teacher neglected their duty as a teacher when they had no right to do so. That looks really bad on them and "hopefully" they'll get in trouble for doing so. Also, it is unavoidable that your kids will suffer some form of discrimination because of who their parent is. It's the same with if one of your kids gets picked on, the other child whose related to their bro/sis might get picked on too simply because they're related. This is a very sad and cruel world we live in but ti can be very good at times and we have to do our best to push forward and make this world a better place.

[Ev]

@Ev: I don't know if this will make you feel better but, look on the bright side. That teacher neglected their duty as a teacher when they had no right to do so. That looks really bad on them and "hopefully" they'll get in trouble for doing so. Also, it is unavoidable that your kids will suffer some form of discrimination because of who their parent is. It's the same with if one of your kids gets picked on, the other child whose related to their bro/sis might get picked on too simply because they're related. This is a very sad and cruel world we live in but ti can be very good at times and we have to do our best to push forward and make this world a better place.

Yes, I realize this.  However, I have a bleeding heart when it comes to children, especially mine.  I guess that is understandable.

The teacher, however, is cleared because it is a religious thing and, uh, therefore not her choice so she is exempt from any form of reprimand.  So convinient, right?

I heard a little birdy sing this song:

She goes to this temple
Where a woman is to know her place
And her hubsand tells her
To listen or both shall be a disgrace

My initial assumption about it being religious in nature and that her hands are tied because of some external source seems to have been correct.  I don't understand how anyone in such a position would take a job like this knowing that such a wide range of diverse people will be interacting with them on a daily basis.  Makes it impossible to remain professional.

[Shana-chan]

Yes, I realize this.  However, I have a bleeding heart when it comes to children, especially mine.  I guess that is understandable.

The teacher, however, is cleared because it is a religious thing and, uh, therefore not her choice so she is exempt from any form of reprimand.  So convinient, right?

I heard a little birdy sing this song:

She goes to this temple
Where a woman is to know her place
And her hubsand tells her
To listen or both shall be a disgrace

My initial assumption about it being religious in nature and that her hands are tied because of some external source seems to have been correct.  I don't understand how anyone in such a position would take a job like this knowing that such a wide range of diverse people will be interacting with them on a daily basis.  Makes it impossible to remain professional.

It is. I myself can't stand for animal cruelty. Makes me mad. lol
Yeah, was afraid of that. Well I'm not sure if we're allowed to talk about religion outside of the spiritual forum so I'll keep this as brief as I can. lol There was a cake shop owner who refused to make a cake for a gay couple for their wedding or something and they went to court and won based on discrimination. If I recall right the shop owner was religious but can't be sure but still, my point here is while religion is fine and dandy, the moment it discriminates against people and you refuse them services and or treat them badly or shun them that's when it over steps it's boundaries and goes too far. Also, I would have to STRONGLY disagree with the bit where you said it wasn't her choice. (I know you said that from the teacher's/their perspective, not yours lol) It is her choice to choose to remain faithful to her religion and just as much as it is her choice to say "I won't and can't teach your children." And lastly, it WAS unprofessional of her to do that. Her job is to teach and in a professional manner without teaching your/anyone else's kids stuff she shouldn't be teaching so it is her DUTY to teach, regardless of whether she has a "religious issue" regarding some of her kids. The saying "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind since she probably doesn't know much about most of her kids, their parents/family and their lives and if she did, well, we already know what she would do apparently. lol Now if one or more was being disruptive of the class, doing stuff they shouldn't in the class then I could understand the child needing to be moved into a different classroom with maybe a different teacher but this case? Sorry, no excuse for it. Imo, people hide behind religion and use it as a shield to get away with doing stuff or NOT do stuff. lol

To anyone reading what I wrote, please don't take it the wrong way. We're ALL entitled to our own opinions and such and I'm certainly not trying to attack or bash anyone. I just get tied of religion making people's lives (Including my own) difficult is all. lol

[Ev]

It is. I myself can't stand for animal cruelty. Makes me mad. lol
Yeah, was afraid of that. Well I'm not sure if we're allowed to talk about religion outside of the spiritual forum so I'll keep this as brief as I can. lol There was a cake shop owner who refused to make a cake for a gay couple for their wedding or something and they went to court and won based on discrimination. If I recall right the shop owner was religious but can't be sure but still, my point here is while religion is fine and dandy, the moment it discriminates against people and you refuse them services and or treat them badly or shun them that's when it over steps it's boundaries and goes too far. Also, I would have to STRONGLY disagree with the bit where you said it wasn't her choice. (I know you said that from the teacher's/their perspective, not yours lol) It is her choice to choose to remain faithful to her religion and just as much as it is her choice to say "I won't and can't teach your children." And lastly, it WAS unprofessional of her to do that. Her job is to teach and in a professional manner without teaching your/anyone else's kids stuff she shouldn't be teaching so it is her DUTY to teach, regardless of whether she has a "religious issue" regarding some of her kids. The saying "ignorance is bliss" comes to mind since she probably doesn't know much about most of her kids, their parents/family and their lives and if she did, well, we already know what she would do apparently. lol Now if one or more was being disruptive of the class, doing stuff they shouldn't in the class then I could understand the child needing to be moved into a different classroom with maybe a different teacher but this case? Sorry, no excuse for it. Imo, people hide behind religion and use it as a shield to get away with doing stuff or NOT do stuff. lol

To anyone reading what I wrote, please don't take it the wrong way. We're ALL entitled to our own opinions and such and I'm certainly not trying to attack or bash anyone. I just get tied of religion making people's lives (Including my own) difficult is all. lol

Heh.

I understand you're not doing that, nor am I meaning to.  It was one of those "this is the fact of the matter" things for me and not so much meant to be an attack on religious people.

The thing is, she as a professional is allowed at a school to say "I am not comfortable with this and it will affect my ability to teach the child, which is not fair to anyone.  Please find someone else.  I will remain their teacher until someone else fills in."

I know this, because I used to work in the school system out here and this is something they told us (amongst other government-related jobs.)  One teacher I know (knew) personally was abused by a man who was 6'6.  If there was an exceptionally tall father who came in with a kid, she would request that another teacher come in stating that she would not be able to do her job right because the father set off a trigger.  The spirit behind this scenario is different, but it goes to show they can get away with it, and will.

If you word it right, you can be the most hateful person in the world: but if you avoid certain phrases and go "by the book" you are in the clear.