Man I'm seeing told friends, not sure how I feel

[Jane's Sweet Refrain]

So. As the subject line says, a man I'm dating (not an exclusive boyfriend) has told his friends ALL about me. To be honest, I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I haven't yet met these friends, but he has told me before he'd like to introduce me. I'm trying not to let it upset me, but I can't help crying a little at the thought. I'm not ashamed of being trans, but I transitioned in large part to feel like and be treated like any other woman who doesn't have a different social and biological history.

[Jessica Merriman]

I am so sorry Jane. I think it would have been best if he got your opinion first, but that is just my opinion. I hope it all works out for the best. Maybe a long talk with him is in order about how you would like it handled in the future. I am sure however he meant no disrespect to you.

[Shantel]

Jane,
    You don't deserve that, it was a crude thing to expose you like that. I'd give him a swift knee where it hurts and kick him to the curb. You are too good to have to tolerate any BS from anybody for the sake of having a companion. What a jerk!

[Jill F]

I'm sorry, that's a fatal screwup in my book.  I mean for the relationship, not the guy. 

[Shantel]

So. As the subject line says, a man I'm dating (not an exclusive boyfriend) has told his friends ALL about me. To be honest, I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I haven't yet met these friends, but he has told me before he'd like to introduce me. I'm trying not to let it upset me, but I can't help crying a little at the thought. I'm not ashamed of being trans, but I transitioned in large part to feel like and be treated like any other woman who doesn't have a different social and biological history.

I think my eyes crossed when I read this so I may have overreacted, I tend to be protective toward my trans people friends and you are one of the sweetest people here Jane. What he's done is uconscionable behavior from anyone who would care at all for your feelings as just another person, let alone an attractive woman he is dating. I would start by asking him what he was thinking and what his true motives really are. Tell him that you don't wish to be treated like some kind of curiosity and then refuse to meet his friends. I don't like him honey, you can do a lot better than that, don't settle for that kind os abuse.

[Eva Marie]

If you haven't made him aware of proper protocol before he outed you he may have just committed an innocent mistake. We forget that the outside world doesn't know anything about our dos and donts and he may think that there is no problem with outing you.

Can you sit down with him and tell him why what he did is problematic for you? Do you think what he did was malicious or just an innocent mistake? And finally has he created an untenable situation for you, or is this something that you can overcome?

[Rachel]

Jane, I feel so bad for you. He should be made aware of how you feel and how hurtful his action are. I know if I could pass I would want to blend in. I would be really upset.

[Jane's Sweet Refrain]

Thanks so much for the replies. You gals are so friendly. I couldn't ask for more sweetly protective friends. He's generally a very kind man. His act was a bit thoughtless, but not mean. I'll have a talk with him about why his revelation is upsetting and then make a decision from there. The bright-side, I guess, is that he really doesn't feel like he has to hide my history from his friends. But, still. Still.

Thanks, loves. I mean it.

[Veronica M]

Thanks so much for the replies. You gals are so friendly. I couldn't ask for more sweetly protective friends. He's generally a very kind man. His act was a bit thoughtless, but not mean. I'll have a talk with him about why his revelation is upsetting and then make a decision from there. The bright-side, I guess, it that he really doesn't feel like he has to hide my history from his friends. But, still. Still.

Thanks, loves. I mean it.

I'm really sad that happened for sure, but one thing I have learned about men, somethings they are not overly bright... 

[Just Shelly]

I'm not sure why he would do this....but like you said at least he doesn't want to hide anything.

I will say this is my biggest fear if I ever have the chance of telling a man. I am in the same opinion as you, I want to just be a normal girlfriend....not his trans girlfriend.

The same goes with being up front with a man, this is why I am not telling them right off....or even after awhile (not good). They are attracted to me as a women, not a trans women.

Ugh I'm so lonely, and the one man I was intimate with had brought me so much joy, I want (need) to experience that more. It had been many years before him, and now I am not use to being alone. Funny it didn't bother me this much the 8 years prior.

I hope everything goes good, I am sure once his friends see you and talk with you they will se nothing other than a women!!!  :)Just be strong and don't overthink things when meeting them....I can offer this advice, but frankly I have a hard time doing it myself.

[Teela Renee]

every person that has done that to me has been unfriended, and ive also ive broken up with every person who has done that to me. That is NOT something they have the RIGHT or PLACE to share with ANYONE! I havnt talked to a childhood friend who did that to me in over a year for doing that. I just simply looked at them, said what I just said then said, and now your dead to me, you betrayed a level of trust I dont allow people to fix. I dont want or need someone like you in my life.