Help! My wife won't lay off about my weight and it's becoming a problem.

[Sincerely Tegan]

I don't see transition and marriage coinciding in your future. I know this sucks to hear, but someone has to say it. Therpaists are great, but they do sugarcoat things. And they aren't perfect. See a therpaist seems to be the go to answer for everything on this board because it saves one from having to say the hard things.

Joanna, I'm sure you've heard of "kickin em while they're down." I'm more than aware of the possibility, even the probability of what you say. However, I don't need to hear it from you. I know you're trying to be helpful, but this isn't. I'm sorry, it just isn't.

Thank you,
Tegan

[TerriT]

I too lost a lot of weight. At my worst I was 205. I finally got my act together and got it down to around 175 through diet and exercise. I got so much frigging grief from everyone I knew including my SO. My family, my friends, my coworkers, even my hair stylist. Everyone had something to say and almost always it was how I was too skinny and needed to eat a hamburger or whatever.

To hell with that.

After a while though everyone just kind of got used to it and forgot about the fat old me. I eventually cut another 10 lbs and nobody said a thing. I think it's because I exercised more so I had better muscle tone and wasn't just a collapsed frame. Now I'm down to 160 and transitioning and for the first time in my life I am happy with my body. HRT seems to have mellowed out my form and given me a little bit of curve. It's not much but it looks pretty cute, at least to me anyway. But nobody comments about my weight anymore lol.

Anyways, my SO doesn't say anything about being "skin and bones" anymore and is way more pissed about my boobs so at least that conversation has changed. I realize I have nothing useful to say.

[Sincerely Tegan]

I too lost a lot of weight. At my worst I was 205. I finally got my act together and got it down to around 175 through diet and exercise. I got so much frigging grief from everyone I knew including my SO. My family, my friends, my coworkers, even my hair stylist. Everyone had something to say and almost always it was how I was too skinny and needed to eat a hamburger or whatever.

To hell with that.

After a while though everyone just kind of got used to it and forgot about the fat old me. I eventually cut another 10 lbs and nobody said a thing. I think it's because I exercised more so I had better muscle tone and wasn't just a collapsed frame. Now I'm down to 160 and transitioning and for the first time in my life I am happy with my body. HRT seems to have mellowed out my form and given me a little bit of curve. It's not much but it looks pretty cute, at least to me anyway. But nobody comments about my weight anymore lol.

Anyways, my SO doesn't say anything about being "skin and bones" anymore and is way more pissed about my boobs so at least that conversation has changed. I realize I have nothing useful to say.

Hi Tiff.
Yeah, my weight is my weight. I don't need commentary from the peanut gallery. I go to the doctor often enough; if I were truly unhealthy, I dare say I'd get called out on it by the professionals.

So you're also at 160. How tall are you, if you don't mind me asking? How long have you been on HRT? Your avatar looks great.

I'd also be curious to know what the sitch is with your SO. She's still around to be pissed? I'll admit, I'm just being nosy at this point.

Well, thanks for joining the conversation. Hope to hear back from you.

-Teg

[Sincerely Tegan]

Teagan my wife and I are very similar to you and yours.

I don't believe that you are anorexic. I am not either for that matter but have been accused of "dieting" by my wife and coworkers.

Being the target of anger and not wanting to fight a battle that you know only ends in mutual loss.


I truly hope that T&K can make it work. For so many of us it has not. And we could all use some hope for the future I think.

Thank you, Christine. Very sweet of you. I'd honestly be curious to hear more detail about the parallels you see between my relationship and yours. I'm going to PM you. I'd like to chat.

Cheers,
Teg

[TerriT]

Hi Tiff.
Yeah, my weight is my weight. I don't need commentary from the peanut gallery. I go to the doctor often enough; if I were truly unhealthy, I dare say I'd get called out on it by the professionals.

So you're also at 160. How tall are you, if you don't mind me asking? How long have you been on HRT? Your avatar looks great.

I'd also be curious to know what the sitch is with your SO. She's still around to be pissed? I'll admit, I'm just being nosy at this point.

Well, thanks for joining the conversation. Hope to hear back from you.

-Teg

Hi Tegan, nice to meet you.

I am 5'11. I continue to exercise and try to lose weight/stay fit. I definitely feel healthier now. When I first lost a lot of weight I was really weak and tired easily. My body is much more toned and fit, even though my weight is slow to change. I think I could get down to 150 or so, but I would really need to be aggressive with my diet.

I have been on low dose hrt since august 2013. I increased my doses last month. Part of it had to do with taking things at a pace my partner could handle, so my transition is rather slow in that regard. We have had a pretty rough time but we keep at it. I came out to her a very long time ago so it's sort of always been in the back of her mind and a part of our relationship. There are serious challenges about handling hrt and our relationship. Idk if it will survive.

My av is pre hrt, but thanks

[Sincerely Tegan]

Hi Tegan, nice to meet you.

I am 5'11. I continue to exercise and try to lose weight/stay fit. I definitely feel healthier now. When I first lost a lot of weight I was really weak and tired easily.
...
My av is pre hrt, but thanks

I've never gotten weak. The weight loss has been slow and steady. Lately I've been doing crunches to keep my legs toned and from going all twiggy. That's firmed up my abs and waist a bit, too.

And if that is pre-HRT, I can only imagine how good you look now. Way to go.

It's very nice to meet you too, Tiff.

G'night,
Teg

[Joanna Dark]

Joanna, I'm sure you've heard of "kickin em while they're down." I'm more than aware of the possibility, even the probability of what you say. However, I don't need to hear it from you. I know you're trying to be helpful, but this isn't. I'm sorry, it just isn't.

Thank you,
Tegan

Whateva.

[V M]

Let's be nice to each other girls 

[JoanneB]

Ahhh  where to start?

I can certainly sympathize with you about the weight comments. I've gotten a lot of them from my wife. Like you, I am or was 6 ft. and at my peak was ounces away from 250 of blubber. It took a few years of slowly  growing self-esteem and cutting out a lot of junk, oh, and two experiments at transitioning, that I was finally down to 145 lbs of flabby flesh.

Fast forward a few decades of diversions, distractions and denial, my weight slowly climbed up. Add in yet another life disaster, a relocation some 350 miles from my wife for a job that I hated but paid well, and plenty of comfort food and drink. Soon I was heading towards the 200 lb mark, an area I swore never to be in again. Worse was all I could think about was how even if I wanted to, I couldn't fit into any of my female clothes. Now THAT totally upset me.  Time for some introspection....

As part of taking on the trans beast my weight also got shed. In that process, coupled with dropping the T-Nuke on my wife (I say nuke since she already knew about me being TG) she saw quite a few changes in me during my visits over the years I was away. All positive yet very concerned about my weight. It is a major struggle for me to maintain the 140-145 I want to be near, still lots of jiggly flesh. Now at 145-150 lots of jiggle plus a monster gut vs a big one. Don't say excersize. No time, no space. I am lucky I can get my daily 5-8 mile walk in which I badly need thanks to spending all day in a chair.

As far as your wife.... Well, you let the genie out of the bottle and there is no putting it back in. The restuffing you are trying may only be leaving her hanging to the feelings of the worse comming, you not sharing, you still being a liar, betrayer. As well as a few others that are totally ruining her life as she waits for the other shoe to drop. Her latent anger easily comes out with a few drinks. It may not all be really about you. As my wife puts it, it may be the "kick the dog" syndrome. You are the only one around and naturally on the recieving side of any pent up anger.

The only way my marriage has survived, so far, is lots of open honest communication. Which is not easy when you need to find that balance between needed info and TMI. Also plenty of tears and luck. Do keep in mind you spent a lifetime trying to understand, much less get a grip on, being TG. Your wife? A few hours so far? If you haven't sorted it out yet, how do you think she is fairing? In a vacuum?

[Veronica M]

@ JoanneB
Sounds like you had the same issue I am dealing with as to weight. Due to depression and letting myself go, I am up sadly to, well lets just say I am a ways over 250. (Blush) I have changed my diet radically and my intake is around 1200 cal a day. My goal weight is around 160 - 170 as I am 5' 11" Anyway, any advice would be helpful as I am not starting HRT till I at least get my weight down a little (Okay a lot) more.

PS: Tegan, not trying to derail the thread, just was a curious question.

[Sincerely Tegan]

If I came off as harsh to anybody, I apologize.

That was never my intention. I'm here for support and friendship, nothing more. I do not wish to offend or alienate anyone. If you feel I have done so, please accept my apology.

Sincerely,
Tegan

[Veronica M]

If I came off as harsh to anybody, I apologize.

That was never my intention. I'm here for support and friendship, nothing more. I do not wish to offend or alienate anyone. If you feel I have done so, please accept my apology.

Sincerely,
Tegan

Don't worry about it Tegan... But with that said, sometimes it's hard to hear what may or may not be the truth. Only you can decide what that is. The bottom line is sometimes the truth hurts. But I think everyone here means well in the end even if we are somewhat brutally honest in the process. Personally for me I would rather someone hit me in the face with a brick than beat around the bush, but that me. The main thing is that we take something away from others opinions and comments and learn from them... Good or bad...
 

[monica93304]

Hang in there Tegan.  In my personal experience, my ex GF was super nasty to me, especially when Bud (weiser) got to her.  Many a time, I walked home for miles from a bar in heels because I did not want to be humiliated by her.  I vowed that in my case being attracted to men, that I wouldn't be with another woman ever again.

It's really hard for them to accept their "man" being trans in any way.  Most of the girls I've seen here seem to have that issue.  I'm glad I'm into men, because had I been a lesbian, it would be miserable trying to keep them happy and still be me.

I wish you the best. Hopefully you can find that balance in your relationship.

Monica.

PS, I've been single for 4  years, transitioning for 2 (HRT).  I received a drunken phone call from my ex GF two years after we broke up still missing me (as a boy), but apologized for being a bitch (her words).  My conscience is clear.