Some signs of NOT being trans?

[Bombadil]

I've talked to a couple cis people who said they did question.

I guess when I doubt myself I go back to how long ago all this started and how it has remained. Maybe it got burried to a degree because I didn't know I had any other options, but I always knew I didn't fit?

[eli77]

I think the folks you are talking about, your masculine female friends, could fit under the trans umbrella if they so chose. Trans is a pretty wide scope of identities. What you are really talking more about are transitioners--people who alter their legal, social, and/or physical state across gender lines.

It is common for binary trans folks to fall into a kind of "either/or" way of thinking about being trans and transition and all that jazz. When the truth is that what we've got is a kind of smushed together collection of tools that we use to try to be more comfortable with our bodies and our lives.

Trans is, outside of the psychiatric diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria (which in no way actually refers to "trans"), an identity label. You are trans if you say you are trans. Therefore someone can't really "incorrectly" think they are trans. In the same way that someone can't "incorrectly" think they are gay. You might realize that what made you label yourself as trans or gay is not true for you: i.e. a person decides not to transition; a person decides they enjoy having sex with people of various genders.

What can, and sadly does, happen is that people can undergo aspects of transition, and then realize that they are unhappy in their altered state. To me, the warning signs for this are fairly straightforward. It is frequently people who are choosing to do a thing in order to achieve a goal that that particular tool can't provide. Often a goal that is far, far too general. In other words, you should undergo phalloplasty, for example, because you want to physically alter your body in that way; not because of any general concept of "becoming/being a man." You should take hormones because you want the specific effects those hormones have on your body. You should dress in a way that is comfortable, both physically and emotionally, for you and that allows you to function in a rather biased society. Obviously, there are compromises that have to be made sometimes, but you get the idea.

The people I see run into trouble tend to be the ones who go for a grand sweeping narrative of who they are and what that means they should do. Each action, each decision, should be independently evaluated on its own merits for the individual in question. Just because there is a preset and expected path for binary transitioners doesn't mean that it is correct for you (or incorrect for you, for that matter).

When people ask how I know I'm trans (this is a rare event), I just say that my body hurt and now it's better. But that is MY answer for my specific situation and refers to how I personally made choices to resolve my ->-bleeped-<-. Your answer is, mostly likely, going to be something different.

[tap13]

One of my "Old Reliable" sanity checks when I get into yet another "WTF am I doing?" funks.  Soon followed by a little reality therapy as backup.

For me there was never any question about being TG. It always came down to how far up the spectrum towards transsexual I am. Which usually led to the thinking that through the sheer force of will I can "get by" without going there. Only problem is know all too well the consequences of that technique 

BTW - I do sort of recall a study or report by Masters & Johnson, I believe, that stated something along the lines that at some point everyone asks the gender, is the grass.   



greener, question of themselves, and quickly dismisses those thoughts.

All I can say on this is that you simply know. I relate to things as male. I relate to women as a male. I cannot being or thinking any other way. My biggest problem is I should have acted on it sooner. Now that I have been in a relationship for a long time only to find it was a lie I have relaized I now have to take care of me. It has all been a gut wrenching experience. Always putting someone else first who 0i believed in and made all of this bearable is now not wanting me around anymoe. People say people like FTM's are not happy with themseleves. Well I disagree. Ireally like the person I am.  I just need some "tweaking.". All I can say is you just know. Nothing complcated.

[Stella Stanhope]

VERY loaded question, with some loaded answers

Here's what I think is a very interesting point, based upon a previous comment involving trans* perhaps not being a static state, but being fluid, (much like sexuality can be).

Consider this - vast majority of adult cis males who are straight did not fancy girls or find the female sex to be attractive until they reached puberty.
Straight cis-normative males are attracted to women as teenagers and adults, but it took changes in their bodies to signal this attraction. Pre-puberty however, technically, they were asexual.

So does the fact that because straight males were not attracted to females right from birth mean that they cannot be considered genuinely attracted to women as an adult? Of course, not.

So it seems perfectly logical to me, that a straight cisnormative male (or of course, female) may reach a point in their life where a "change" occurs (could be mental, emotional, physical, environmental factors or all four potentially), and then they become transexual, when before they were not. A switch flips and then they happen to be trans*. Much the same way as switch flips in a prepubescent boy and he suddenly becomes attracted to females during puberty.

I do believe that transexualism can be fluid, and people can flow into and out of that state, depending on all the above four factors.


With myself -
I wasn't transgender or transexual when I was little. I didn't feel wrong in my body and I didn't feel wrong socially. I was a boy and happy about being me, I didn't question my being.

My identity and body started to misalign just prior to puberty when stuff began to stop making sense, and I began noticing discrepencies in my identity and wishes, which increasingly were out-of-step with other males. I also began expecting things, such as a female face, which cis boys do not tend to feel a need for. And this is when I started becoming transgender without realising. So I wasn't transgender, but as a result of various factors - I am now. There's a huge discrepancy.

[Kara Jayde]

I have very little experience with this as it relates to trans, because I've only identified myself as trans for a very short period of time. None the less, I came out to a close friend tonight (who has told me in the past feels trans) and the first thing he asked me was 'how do you know for sure?' and my reply was because every single minute of every hour that I've known the difference between the genders, I've felt incorrect - I didn't accept it about myself, in fact it made me strive harder to be 'correct' (ie more masculine) in my body, but it's a feeling that's never gone away. This satisfied him, and he said 'me too...' but since he has a kid and is married, he doesn't wish to transition, which I respect.

That being said, I'm pre-HRT, and from what I understand, doesn't the hormones kind of make the whole thing much more real mentally? (from what I was reading in other threads and online, HRT will either make you feel as if you are finally reducing the dysphoria, or you'll start to panic and go into overdrive, realizing it's all wrong) so I guess that could be a good marker.

Also, as a mtf, I think if you're willing to lop off your genitals, which men are VERY attached too, I'd say that's a decent marker that you are Trans* right there...   Obviously I can't speak for anybody but myself...