I love my Mom but aughoughaoihghh >:I

[Lucas_Sama]

I tell my grandmother everything. Normally my grandmother finds it easily to desern the right things and the wrong things to tell my mom.
But not this time. My mom was freaking out about the short haircut I have well after I got it, because now she knows I have transgender friends.
I got this haircut, and started the most I could to transition well before I met my transgender friends. But she doesn't know I am transgender.
I tried to have a disgussion about transgender people. But she says that you have to be happy with the body God gave you. So I retort, " So if you are born with a third tiny arm on your back, are you supposed to keep it?"
She replied: "THAT'S DIFFERENT!"
I asked: "how?"
Then she got mad and left for a minute before coming back and telling me that being homosexual is as bad as cheating on a husband/wife, or any other "sin."
And when I did the whole  "your birth sex, your gender, and your orientation have nothing to do with each other. And Jesus says that there is no Jew, Gentile, Slave, Man, or Woman There is no Gender or race in the eyes of the Lord. He also accepts eunuchs "

But all she will do is dismiss all of it to say, if you are born as a woman, and change into a man- then you cannot ever be with a woman because you were a woman. You can't be with a man either because now you are a man. So if someone wants to be trans they could never have sex with anyone ever or they would be sinners.

And I am a Gay FTM. Soooo. Yeah. I just.. don't know what to do. I don't live with my mom, but I work with her and she is a good friend to me.
I don't want to come out to her until I start going to the gender therapist or whatever but even then I am afraid of what she will do.

It just all feels so hopeless.

p.s.
I have studied the Bible, I was raised as a Christian, but I am not a Christian.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I've learned that it's pointless to try to argue scripture with people like that.  They will always have a counter argument that works in their favor even if it doesn't really work in their favor.  My mom is just like that.  I tried to debate her in the beginning but then I gave up because I realized she's insane and sees what she wants to in a book that isn't meant to be taken literally. 

[Jessica Merriman]

One thing I found out early in life is you will never win an argument with her type of personality and beliefs. You just have to hope if she distances herself from you to hole inside her for you will draw her back into your life. It may take a while and it may never happen that way, but you have to live for you. Dysphoria wrecked my life in every way possible and I wound up nearly dying from it. Since transitioning I am at peace and live every day HEALTHY and full of life. Do what is in your best interest and if anyone shuns you remember it was their choice just as transition is yours. I do so hope she comes around and realizes just how special you are no matter what. Good luck!

[Lucas_Sama]

I've learned that it's pointless to try to argue scripture with people like that.  They will always have a counter argument that works in their favor even if it doesn't really work in their favor.  My mom is just like that.  I tried to debate her in the beginning but then I gave up because I realized she's insane and sees what she wants to in a book that isn't meant to be taken literally.

*sighs* I know my mom loves me, but whenever I do something she thinks is "self destructive behavior" I cannot even be around her.
So I really hope that things eventually go good with your mom. I doubt my mom will ever see eye to eye with me.

[alabamagirl]

I'm guessing she doesn't know you're not a Christian, either, judging by your responses to her. I would have just said, "I don't believe in sin, Jesus or Heaven/Hell, so why would I be concerned about that?"

Not that that probably would have went over well, but it's what I would have said in that situation.

Anyway, I feel for you. I've yet to have to deal with anyone justifying their bigotry (their bigotry against me, that is) through their religion, so I can't offer any first-hand advice. It sounds like you're countering her arguments quite well, though. I hope you'll get through to her, but I get the impression that she doesn't really care what the Bible has to say on the subject. She's just using that to back the opinion she already has.

[Lucas_Sama]

One thing I found out early in life is you will never win an argument with her type of personality and beliefs. You just have to hope if she distances herself from you to hole inside her for you will draw her back into your life. It may take a while and it may never happen that way, but you have to live for you. Dysphoria wrecked my life in every way possible and I wound up nearly dying from it. Since transitioning I am at peace and live every day HEALTHY and full of life. Do what is in your best interest and if anyone shuns you remember it was their choice just as transition is yours. I do so hope she comes around and realizes just how special you are no matter what. Good luck!

My biggest issue is that I work for my parent's company so I see them almost daily. Otherwise I think it would be easier to hide everything and we wouldn't have to argue. Thank you for your response, I know that transitioning will help me be so much happier with who I am.
None of the christian counselors and things were ever able to understand where all of my deep depression and self loathing came from because me being a trans wasn't a legit thing to them.  Maybe if she can see how much happier I am when at least others accept me as male, she will not be as upset with my decisions. She always wants what she thinks is best for me because she loves me...and she is a little controlling...

[Lucas_Sama]

I'm guessing she doesn't know you're not a Christian, either, judging by your responses to her. I would have just said, "I don't believe in sin, Jesus or Heaven/Hell, so why would I be concerned about that?"

Not that that probably would have went over well, but it's what I would have said in that situation.

Anyway, I feel for you. I've yet to have to deal with anyone justifying their bigotry (their bigotry against me, that is) through their religion, so I can't offer any first-hand advice. It sounds like you're countering her arguments quite well, though. I hope you'll get through to her, but I get the impression that she doesn't really care what the Bible has to say on the subject. She's just using that to back the opinion she already has.

She knows I am not a Christian but she is still in denial about it. I have been open with my hatred of the Christian god's actions towards the people he supposedly created.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I'm guessing she doesn't know you're not a Christian, either, judging by your responses to her. I would have just said, "I don't believe in sin, Jesus or Heaven/Hell, so why would I be concerned about that?"

I wish that worked, my mom knows I don't believe in God and still acts and talks to me like I do.

[Jason C]

It sounds like there's no point in arguing with her, and I'd imagine if you told her you're transgender, her reaction would the more or less as it is now, right? Maybe you can tell her just to tell her. I mean, you obviously don't have an issue with arguing with her about things, and since the subject of being transgender has already come up, it sounds like you might as well go for it and face the typical responses, and then at least it's out there. She doesn't run your life; if you're sinning in her eyes, it doesn't really matter, because nothing she says is something you have to listen to anymore.

[randomroads]

Believe it or not, there are other jobs out there. Working with immediate family is one of the most difficult jobs out there when it comes to coworker relations. There's no starting and ending point to the day. It just drags on and on and on. Add to that that your mother insists on talking to you like you're a child (obviously you're old enough to be on your own so you are NOT a child) and there you go - current argument.

For what it's worth, my mother knows that I'm Atheist and she still talked to me about her religion constantly. It was her way of trying to force me to accept it for myself. It's one of the many reasons I don't talk to her. I couldn't imagine working with her.

[Mr.X]

It is such a shame when religious people pick what parts they want to believe and stick to them like it is -the one and only- truth out there, then ignore other parts because they are inconvenient.

"Gay people shouldn't marry. It's a sin!"  "According to the bible, getting a divorce is a sin too. About 50% of the population is getting divorced. Are they all sinners?" "That's different!"

So crazy. Like the others, I agree that arguing with her personality type will only drive you batpoop bonkers. You mentioned christian counselors before. Are there really none that are open-minded and could aid your case? And what about your father? What does he think of all this?

[Lucas_Sama]

It is such a shame when religious people pick what parts they want to believe and stick to them like it is -the one and only- truth out there, then ignore other parts because they are inconvenient.

"Gay people shouldn't marry. It's a sin!"  "According to the bible, getting a divorce is a sin too. About 50% of the population is getting divorced. Are they all sinners?" "That's different!"

So crazy. Like the others, I agree that arguing with her personality type will only drive you batpoop bonkers. You mentioned christian counselors before. Are there really none that are open-minded and could aid your case? And what about your father? What does he think of all this?

Oh lordie. It isn't a sin to capture and force women to submit to you as your new wife, but to be in love with someone of the same gender is worthy of death.
Slavery=ok
Rape=ok
Homosexuality= GO TO HELL
And they don't understand why I am not a Christian....

I haven't been to a counselor in a long time. I don't have the money for it, and they wouldn't pay for it now. They write everything off as me being a rebellious, borderline, ADD, bitch. (I really don't believe I am truly borderline though)

AS for my dad. If I were to talk to him, he wouldn't respond negatively to me. But he would argue with my mom as if it were her fault, then she would yell at me. That is what happens with everything.

[Lucas_Sama]

Believe it or not, there are other jobs out there. Working with immediate family is one of the most difficult jobs out there when it comes to coworker relations. There's no starting and ending point to the day. It just drags on and on and on. Add to that that your mother insists on talking to you like you're a child (obviously you're old enough to be on your own so you are NOT a child) and there you go - current argument.

For what it's worth, my mother knows that I'm Atheist and she still talked to me about her religion constantly. It was her way of trying to force me to accept it for myself. It's one of the many reasons I don't talk to her. I couldn't imagine working with her.

I really wish it was that easy. I have been making applications almost constantly for years. I drive places with my mostly worthless resume, but to no avail. I cannot work any physical job or job involving bending over. And due to certain unfortunate circumstances finishing college won't ever happen. My best opportunity is with my family's business because I am expected to take it over some day.

[Lucas_Sama]

It sounds like there's no point in arguing with her, and I'd imagine if you told her you're transgender, her reaction would the more or less as it is now, right? Maybe you can tell her just to tell her. I mean, you obviously don't have an issue with arguing with her about things, and since the subject of being transgender has already come up, it sounds like you might as well go for it and face the typical responses, and then at least it's out there. She doesn't run your life; if you're sinning in her eyes, it doesn't really matter, because nothing she says is something you have to listen to anymore.

I am afraid of losing her as my friend. She is my Mother, my friend, my neighbor, my workout partner, and my coworker. I see her every day. The thought of her being so mad and disgusted with me she can't talk to me anymore is overwhelming.

[sad panda]

I don't know if this helps at all but.. I think you can sort of tell how this type of person will react. When I came out to my mom as MTF I was REALLY worried because she's religious like this too and she just will reject anything that threatens her beliefs. When I very first came out to her she said that same thing... you have to accept the body god gave you. Not that I mentioned all the surgeries she has had but :/

Anyway though, when I actually started transitioning and she was forced to accept the reality it was hard at first but she never abandoned me over it. I get the feeling that she just had to sort of split off the issue of transition from me.

OTOH, my sister, who is a different type of person that makes irritating arbitrary judgments, isn't even religious and wouldn't care if I had just been gay, but she put her discomfort/unfamiliarity with the trans issue before her relationship with me and has been rude to me about it the whole time and it pushed us apart.

Yeah... anyway, I think it depends on their personality type more than their convictions. If she has always cared about you in a genuine way I think she would learn to overlook it.

[alabamagirl]

Yeah, the situation may not be hopeless. My grandmother is very religious and made homophobic remarks fairly regularly before I came out to her. Now that she knows her beloved grandson is actually her gay granddaughter, she has completely changed her views on LGBT people and is my biggest supporter.

But she has a pretty laid back personality, so it may be a lot more difficult to get through to your mum.