Hi Julia,
I was there a year ago. I did a lot of curling up in a fetal position and crying when I wasn't drunk. Then I got help.
A month before I was able to get my estrogen, I was given lexapro, buspar, clonopin and valium. Clonopin was just meh for me, but it did help me chill out when I was having a bad day or in social situations, but I preferred the much more subtle effects of valium. I didn't take much of either, but sometimes when I thought I really needed a drink I went for these instead. Lexapro helped me let go of a lot of things that were bothering me, and I got to where I was on a much more even keel emotionally, but had bad sexual side effects, like not being able to relieve/resolve morning wood. I was given buspar (anti anxiety) to counter this side effect, and I discontinued valium. These did make things much more tolerable until I got HRT which helped 10X more than these pills ever did.
The pills plus the HRT put me in an amazing mood. I was smiling and happy all of the time like I had never been, so much that I never stressed about anything, especially things I should have been concerned with, and I turned into a procrastinator par excellence that stopped worrying about dieting, exercise and cleaning house. I told my psychiatrist that I wanted off the pills, and I quit lexapro by tapering off the doses for several days. This resulted in my brain becoming a real $%^&storm for several days. Not fun, but I felt good to be finally off of it. Two weeks later I did the same with the buspar, tapering, stopping and having another brief $%^&storm in my head. When the dust settled, all was right with the world. I'm glad I got the psych meds as a stopgap, but in the end HRT was truly the answer for me. All I need now is HRT to feel like myself, and it's awesome.
