So difficult

[asheriko35]

So difficult
I can't hold of transition and I can't lose my wife. I'm losing my sanity
Each time I'm taking a step forward, she is mourning and react in deep sadness. I am with here for so many years; we also relocated to another country together...very often I just want to end everything.
Any of you was able to overcome the loss of the spouse?

[Jessica Merriman]

I lost a wife of 16 years due to transition. I got to a live or die moment and when I learned she would rather me die than live I easily took the breakup well. It was hard at first I will admit, but she obviously did not love me faults and all. And yes, she knew about me before we married and was made aware that transition may occur some day. It was all peaches and cream though when I was working and bringing in the money. After my injury in the line of duty though finances got tight and she used transition as an excuse to leave. I don't know if this helps you or not. I suppose I was trying to say if someone loved you they should not want you to die instead of live.

[asheriko35]

Thank you Jessica
I guess your are happier now
Do you have kids?

[Rachel]

Hugs, I am trying hard to hold on to my wife. I know the pain you are facing and it is difficult.

[suzifrommd]

Any of you was able to overcome the loss of the spouse?

Yes. She was everything to me and now she hates me.

But I found the strength to move on. I think I'm better single, believe it or not. I've found a peace that wasn't there when I was married. I'm not sure she ever really loved me, just the image of what she thought I was.

I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, even after a brutal divorce and a struggle to find connections. My kids (son 18, daughter 16) accept me and my daughter and I have become very close.

And there is no word wonderful enough to describe what it feels like to be my authentic self.

[Jessica Merriman]

Thank you Jessica
I guess your are happier now
Do you have kids?

I have a 15 year old boy who accepts me fully and a 16 year old daughter I have not seen in one year. I miss her greatly, but she cant accept me at all and is the one who broke contact with me. I call her often, but she will not talk to me. Even though I lost a wife and my daughter I am much happier not repressing who I really am. A whole new world has opened up for me and I now live each day to the fullest not wasting a second of it. Before I transitioned I was on 12 daily meds for everything. I am so happy and well adjusted now I have been off all 12 for one year now and feel 20 years younger. Transition does not just affect your mental health, but physical also.

[meganB]

I got to a live or die moment and when I learned she would rather me die than live ... she obviously did not love me faults and all

Everything that needed to be said.

If she can't love/care for you for who you are she doesn't really love/care about you. It's best to find someone who does love/care about you.

[asheriko35]

thank you all, it really helps!

[Christinetobe]

Your story is so similar to so many others including mine.  I tried desperately to hold on to my wife for at least the last 5 years.  She has now left and my GID was not the major problem.  It has only been a couple of months but I believe I am doing better now that she is gone.  Ultimately it will be her decision and you have to just accept it whatever it is.  I know how difficult it is to lose the person that you consider your best friend but sometimes it just happens that way.  I wish you the best and will be thinking of you.