I feel like I am going to burst!

[WaspWoman]

Hi everyone,

Long time listener, first time caller. I have been lurking for a while now and have found many posts immensely helpful. I have felt this way for the majority of my 26 years on this planet, as far back as I can remember. It is only in the past several months however that I have come to accept that I am trans* and desire to do something about it.

The conundrum is that I am not currently in a position financially to seek professional help. My hours were cut in half a few months ago and only recently am I starting to get my hours back up, though not yet yet back to full time. Is it appropriate to start to come out without having had any discussions with a professional yet?

I am at a point where I feel like I need to share my deepest darkest secret. I am quite close with my little sister and she is one of the most accepting and loving people I know, and I think she would be an ally through all of this.

So the question to you wonderful people is this; should I wait until I haves spent time with a therapist before coming out or is it a good idea to reach out to at least one person who is close to me now? Perhaps just opening up here to all you folks should be enough to hold me over until I can see a professional... 

[CaitlinH]

Hey Anna,

I can completely understand where you come from in terms of needing to tell someone. I'm partially out myself having told my mum and brother, but no one else as of yet. I really want to tell others but I know that the time isn't right yet.

I'd say that there's no real right answer as to when you should tell someone, it's entirely down to you. It can help enormously to tell someone if you feel that you need to, especially someone who you know, or at least suspect, to be supportive of you. At the same time, once it's out there it's not something that people will forget, and you should keep that in mind if you tell someone you want to transition and then have second thoughts. A gender specialist can help you with coming out to people as well, so if you're nervous about telling someone it may be worth going to see one first.

Regardless, welcome to forums!

[Jessica Merriman]

I personally told a former coworker and Medic before anyone else. She was one of my first medic partners and friend in my career and has connections with the GLBT community so I knew I had a 50% chance of being accepted. We talked a long time and I learned quite a bit as she accepted me and my news. A few days later I found this great family and picked up speed getting a Therapist a few days after joining. People since I have gone full time have really surprised me by their acceptance and support. Even my very conservative parents came to a begrudging acceptance as well. We all need real life friends who accept us and will be patient with us who are with us daily in person. We also need this community where people like Cindy, Sephirah and several others helped me and never gave up on me as well. If I had not had support from both real life friends and Susan's I would not have made it to where I am now. I would tell whoever you are comfortable with right now then start working on your plan for transition. There is a lot you can do that is not a huge cost such as a MtF can work on voice, makeup application, mannerism's, style and many other things. One for Mtf is just to start observing women and learning how they act, talk, socialize and dress. There are just limitless opportunities to prepare yourself for your new role in life. As for Therapy, I think it should be mandatory many here don't, but I do as they are very valuable. I found mine at Oklahoma State University in the Psychology Department for $10.00 a session and you do not have to be a student. They can write letters for HRT and many other things. So check your local college or University.

[Eva Marie]

I am starting to feel the same way - I'm ready to get on with my coming out, and I'm having to resist the urge to tell people.

I have told two people where I work - An older lady that I had gotten kind of close too and who had always been friendly with me was leaving the company. I had taken her out for a goodbye lunch and when we were done eating I told her my news and showed her a picture of me. She was accepting as I thought that she would be. She is fighting her own challenges with an elderly parent.

I also told another lady that I have gotten kind of close to - she has a bubbly personality and is a riot to talk to, but she's now facing some serious health issues. We hadn't had a close talk for a long time so we went out to lunch and talked about her health issues and griped about some things at our company, and when we had finished lunch I sprung my own little surprise and showed her a picture of me. She was also accepting.

Two down and many to go, but I think that I'm done with telling people until I officially come out sometime around July or so.

[WaspWoman]

Thanks for the replies.

Jessica, watching how helpful you have been for so many on here has been inspirational. Everyone here is so friendly, and helpful, it's nothing like any other forum I have been a part of. I hope to really be a part of this community, though I am certainly not the most socially adept individual

We only have a community college near me; after ferries, gas, tolls, and time going to the nearest University might not really be worth it. I will certainly look into it though, thanks for the tip! I do fully intend to see a therapist once I get my ducks all in a row, I am a step-by-step, by-the-books kind of person. No self-medicating for me. Darn transgender care exclusions! I don't see how they are allowed, considering transgender discrimination, healthcare included, is illegal in my state. Seems like discrimination to me! But that is another topic all together.

I think I will tell my sister, once I work up the nerve. I understand that it could go poorly but like I said she is a very accepting person. She has shown great support for LGB causes and I have been floating trans* discussions lately to test the water and she seems plenty open-minded. The new Against Me! album was a convenient jumping off point I can't really imagine her holding it over my head however things may go. I am definitely no one to rush things but I think I could really use some sisterly advice through this all.

Thanks again!

[Kara Jayde]

Your sister sounds like an accepting person, so I'd tell her. I told a friend who I knew for a fact was okay with trans issues first, and then I told my doctor and I'll be telling my therapist soon. I'm waiting for my therapist to confirm my GID so that I can begin the conversation with family and friends by telling them 'I've been to a therapist, and I've been diagnosed...' because I think that's a better place to come from then 'Well, I think I'm a woman'. I'm not sure if it'll make a difference in the reaction, haha, but that's my current plan. Good luck AnnaLee!

[Jessica Merriman]

I hope to really be a part of this community, though I am certainly not the most socially adept individual

We kind of have a way of breaking that bad habit around here! You will soon find out you fit great and really start to care about folks here. It gets to where I don't feel right if I don't reach out to certain people every once in a while. You start to really miss them and want to catch up. You will soon see.

[WaspWoman]

I'm waiting for my therapist to confirm my GID so that I can begin the conversation with family and friends by telling them 'I've been to a therapist, and I've been diagnosed...' because I think that's a better place to come from then 'Well, I think I'm a woman'. I'm not sure if it'll make a difference in the reaction, haha, but that's my current plan.

This really is my thinking too, want to have a full quiver before charging into battle.

[WaspWoman]

We kind of have a way of breaking that bad habit around here! You will soon find out you fit great and really start to care about folks here. It gets to where I don't feel right if I don't reach out to certain people every once in a while. You start to really miss them and want to catch up. You will soon see.

Quite surprisingly for me I have already found this to be true just as a spectator!