I could use a little help

[jaina]

I don't know if I should post this in the intro section or here so I'm posting here. My life has been a series of ups and downs. Right now I am finally finishing my college education, which is a big deal for me. If it wasn't for my parents I would not have this opportunity. I am moving soon so that I can attend a university, but my girlfriend of six years decided she did not want to come with me. It was a horrible blow to me, but when we were talking about it, she made a comment about how much I had become introverted. The reason that I have gotten this way is that I am very unhappy and depressed. The only thing keeping me going was her. I am very closeted right now because my family (the ones paying for my education) might not understand when I tell them that I am planning to transition. I regularly wear feminine clothing, but keep it hidden. I guess I just feel very lost and alone right now.
If anyone has any advice that might help me get through the next two months, I would greatly appreciate it.
Sorry about the wall of text, thanks for reading.
Jaina

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to the family Jaina! I can tell you with authority you are by no means alone, because you have us now. All of us have had these feelings at one time or another and we help each other through the tough times. We all want to see you succeed, be happy and live as the real you. You have found a special place of caring, compassion and genuine love in a non judgmental atmosphere. Feel free to rant, vent, share good news (we like that a LOT), learn or just have some distracting fun and meet the rest of the family. I for one found a really good Therapist with gender experience at my University (Oklahoma State) and it cost's next to nothing ($10.00 a session) and they can assist you with transition and getting letters for HRT or SRS. You might see if your University has a Psychology Department and start there. A Therapist is a great start and a good ally to have in your corner. Here is a BIG HUG  to welcome you and make you feel right at home!

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[JulieBlair]

Welcome Jaina,
Most everyone who finds their way here has a lot of fear, and a fair amount of pain.  I know I did.  Congratulations on being in your last term of school, It took me a couple of decades longer than you to finally close the door on that one. 

Transition is a huge set of decisions, changes, feelings, and usually some loss.  I pretty much always advise talking to a counselor.  It doesn't solve everything, but might help you on your path.  Then Breathe! You are in a safe space, and people will answer your questions, or just chat if that is what you need to get through the night.

Losing someone you care for hurts.  It doesn't matter why, it just hurts.  I know that for sure, and there isn't anything for it but to try to do the next indicated thing and get through the next day.  I try to do something for someone else for fun and for free when I'm really desperate, even if it is just to be here and listen to what other souls have to say.

Good luck and Blessings
Julie

[Ltl89]

Hey Jaina,

It seems like you are going through two really intensive and emotionally draining things: finishing college and losing an important relationship. I understand why you may be feeling a bit down and stressed; however, when one door closes another can open.  I realize that is such a cliche line that doesn't provide much comfort in the moment, but it really is true.  What may appear to be the ending of some really important memories, may become the beginning of some new ones.  Let that give you some strength and a sense of determination.  And it's okay to take your time.  You are going through some life changing events (end of a serious relationship and the quasi beginning of adult life) so enjoy the ride and don't stress yourself out too much at the moment.  In the mean time, please know that you aren't alone here when it comes to these issues.  Welcome!

[jaina]

Thank you all for the welcoming support. I will have access to resources after I move in june, but for now I am stuck waiting for this part of my life to end and the next chapter to begin. I have so many questions I want to ask I don't know where or how to begin. I have doing a lot of research, but is it really as simple as going to the right therapist to get everything started? I would love to be ft when I finish my college so that I won't have to transition mid job.

[Jessica Merriman]

Simple as that sweetie! They will help you from there. Ask anything you need to here. After 15 postings you can PM any of us directly.

[jaina]

Mostly, right now, I just have to keep telling myself that it gets better. Maybe not tomorrow or next month or even next year, but life will get better. I have always wondered one thing. Are there easier ways to remove hair than simple shaving? I have red hair and I doubt laser treatment will ever be an option for me.

[JulieBlair]

Jaina,
Getting rid of facial hair hurts and takes a long time.  The best advise is to start as soon as you are able to do so.  You may only have electrolysis as an option, and if so it takes a couple of years (200+ hours of treatment) to get the job completed unless you have a very light beard.  I'm a year and a bit more than 100 hours into it, and on electrolysis day it still depressing to look in the mirror.

Julie