It took me almost two years since coming out to myself and also a year and four months since first coming out to my mom, but I committed to a goal date and forced myself to get it out last night. My life was getting too hectic and complicated living under the same roof while the list of all the various appointments related to my transition continued to grow and take over. The balance tipped and I found it more important to get it out than to worry about the potential consequences. Simply put, it was becoming too stressing and fatiguing to keep sneaking around part-time. I also figured that it was only fair to my dad to let him know now since I'd already made a number of other people aware before him and I didn't want to leave it till last.
Our chat went exceptionally well, and it gave me the opportunity to reveal a lot of history and details of all the other challenges I'd faced in my life that had converged to nearly spell disaster. He can now fully understand and appreciate how I reached the bottom two years ago, how I made the decision to commit to transitioning, and how this medically and emotionally saved my life already. It's funny how I never ever felt comfortable being open with him about anything when I saw myself as a guy, but as a girl it changes everything about the dynamic for me.
My father's response can be summed up in a couple short statements - "We're (my parents) here to support you" and "you should feel free to present openly at home in whatever way you need". He also understood that my brothers were going to be a challenge and that he would try to figure out how best to approach them about it and would help if necessary. Overall I think he reacted far more comfortably to my admission than my mom did and I think this may finally help her better come to terms with my situation, as good as she's managed to be about it.
At the end of our chat he rose from his chair and extended his hand - at first I thought to shake hands, and maybe that was his first instinct. But then he completely shocked me by reaching right around me and giving me a big hug and I hugged him right back. It was the first time I can remember in all my life that he did that, as wonderful a father as he's been, and that was the moment when I knew everything would finally truly change for the better. I don't know if after what I said to him he sees me as a daughter but I think he understood that I desperately needed to express that sort of emotional closeness that generally can only come from such a relationship. I also just really badly needed a hug!
Shortly after that I went away and wept for a good half hour and finally felt like I had purged most of the remaining anxiety and anguish I'd stored up over decades. I'm still trying to go slow and always remember to stop and center myself when I need to, but my future is now clearer than ever. I don't ever forget for a second how lucky I've been for how this whole thing has gone so far and how amazing my parents have been through my whole life. I know coming out doesn't always go so well for everyone but I hope that my story and struggle for courage even under good odds will inspire more of you to success and empowerment. Certainly others on Susan's, past and present, have contributed massively to where I am today. I would say that today marks the beginning of a grand new chapter in my life. Let the revolution begin!
