Am I the only one..

[Sincerely Tegan]

Yeah, there seems to be two groups of us: the ones who know from an early age and the ones who start to notice during or slightly after puberty. When I was first looking into being trans I was really confused by the fact that I didn't have these feelings from a young age, however from what I've seen it's actually pretty common. I don't have enough experience to say whether or not it goes away, but my suspicion would be that it's always going to be there like you said.

Frankly, for FTM's I think this is where the  ->-bleeped-<- argument comes from. "If you didn't feel this way before you were interested in sex, it must simply be a sexual fetish."

Growing up, I always felt different and isolated. I didn't really desire to be a girl until puberty, though. I didn't try to become hyper-masculine in response, but I did think it was really important to be in a relationship, as though that would somehow fix things. Being in a relationship was just confusing and uncomfortable most of the time, which just served to confuse me since my attractions are definitely toward women.

So, yeah, I didn't "know" as a toddler. I don't think that invalidates my present condition, though. It simply adds to the confusion.

Have a great weekend, all!

Cheers,
Tegan

[Edge]

Frankly, for FTM's I think this is where the  ->-bleeped-<- argument comes from. "If you didn't feel this way before you were interested in sex, it must simply be a sexual fetish."

That makes no sense for several reasons. 1. We're guys. The  ->-bleeped-<- argument shouldn't come in at all. 2. Not everything revolves around sex. Seriously, if transphobes were trying to give the impression that they are perverts and completely obsessed with sex, they've succeeded. I wish they'd stop because they creep me out. 3. I know from myself and talking to people here that there are asexual trans men, trans men with no libido, and genophobic trans men. If we feel this way regardless of interest in sex, there is no reason to connect it to sex in any way.

[Whynaut]

You're not the only one. I had a very unisex childhood; my brother and I always played with all the same toys and neither one of us did any gendered sports or activities. I never wore dresses, but I did wear girly/pink shirts and stuff.

It took me until shortly after puberty, during late middle school, to realize what was up. I didn't start transitioning until recently because I was also dealing with depression and then other mental stuff I needed to work through first.

I never thought about sexual orientation slowing down realization, but I can see how that would make sense. For the record, I'm pansexual with a strong preference for guys.

[Sincerely Tegan]

That makes no sense for several reasons. 1. We're guys. The  ->-bleeped-<- argument shouldn't come in at all. 2. Not everything revolves around sex. Seriously, if transphobes were trying to give the impression that they are perverts and completely obsessed with sex, they've succeeded. I wish they'd stop because they creep me out. 3. I know from myself and talking to people here that there are asexual trans men, trans men with no libido, and genophobic trans men. If we feel this way regardless of interest in sex, there is no reason to connect it to sex in any way.

Edge,
Okay, sorry, I wasn't clear. I'm MAAB, so if/when I transition I'll be MTF. I brought up  ->-bleeped-<- because for MTF's it's a term that is used to invalidate transgender feelings if they arrive after puberty. I'm not sure what the FTM equivalent term of that would be (tomboyism?). My real point was that just because these feelings, whether FTM or MTF, might come later in life for some of us does not make those feelings any less valid. That's all.

Sorry if I didn't communicate effectively. I was tired.

Have a nice Saturday!

Cheers,
Teg

[blink]

Edge,
Okay, sorry, I wasn't clear. I'm MAAB, so if/when I transition I'll be MTF. I brought up  ->-bleeped-<- because for MTF's it's a term that is used to invalidate transgender feelings if they arrive after puberty. I'm not sure what the FTM equivalent term of that would be (tomboyism?). My real point was that just because these feelings, whether FTM or MTF, might come later in life for some of us does not make those feelings any less valid. That's all.

Sorry if I didn't communicate effectively. I was tired.

Have a nice Saturday!

Cheers,
Teg

On Susan's, and at in-person support group meetings, I often see people accidentally swapping the acronyms MTF and FTM. It sure does cause a lot of confusion.

The equivalent of  ->-bleeped-<- would be autoandrophilia.

[Sincerely Tegan]

And just now I noticed the typo that caused all the confusion. Very sorry about that (kind of a big diff in MTF and FTM). What can I say? I feel silly. Don't type tired, I guess.

Autoandrophilia, huh? Thank you- I learned something today.

Teg

[Polo]

I also didn't know I was a boy as a kid. I knew I was different, but I was different in other ways too and figured that was it. I guess everyone told me I was supposed to be a girl, so I figured I was supposed to be a girl.

This.
I didn't figure out I had significant gender issues until I was about 25.
Though looking back there were clues. I used to stand in front of the mirror in middle school in jeans and no shirt or anything and pretend I was a male model (lol), I always preferred playing and competing with boys when I was younger, and most girls were a mystery to me... But I figured I was just a general weirdo/nerd, and though I somehow became reasonably popular in highschool and college that feeling of differentness always stayed with me.

[Edge]

And just now I noticed the typo that caused all the confusion. Very sorry about that (kind of a big diff in MTF and FTM). What can I say? I feel silly. Don't type tired, I guess.

Autoandrophilia, huh? Thank you- I learned something today.

Teg

lol No worries. Sorry I kinda went on a rant. Aside from the typo part, it wasn't meant to be directed at you. I was reminded that there are people out there who say shtuff about philias and trans people and I seem to be a little more sensitive than usual lately. I need to work on that.

[Sincerely Tegan]

I tip my hat to you, sir. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Teg

[stephaniec]

I'm one of the ones that knew early on that there was something quite different about me . I didn't fit in the role that society said I was supposed belong to. I know the explosion of dysphoria hit like a nuclear weapon when puberty arrived. My brain wanted to go one way and my body was this concrete bock that wouldn't shape the way I wanted it to. The more I read posts about puberty on this forum the more I realize I needed professional help. Like everyone else I wish I would of known about the passage way to correct my body. What ever, I finally made it so its all good.

[Jason C]

Yep, same. I never really felt like a girl, but I was always of the understanding that I'm female, therefore I'm a girl, no matter what. So I didn't think I was a boy because I 'knew' that wasn't possible. When puberty hit, I actually didn't feel that bad, because not a lot changed, really. My breasts were absolutely tiny, so I was happy about that because I knew it was way better than having bigger breasts. So even puberty wasn't something that made me feel particularly bad. Six years ago, I got sick and started to put on quite a bit of weight, and now my breasts are...still small, but huge by my standards. I've hated them and felt quite bad about them since then, because then they weren't these tiny things, they are actual breasts and that sucks. Mostly, I just hated myself. I hated myself when I was a kid, and I hated myself all the way up to very recently. I didn't know why I hated myself, but it started to fade away when I realised I was trans and start taking tiny steps towards living as I should be living, so it seems very likely that that's the reason.

[aleon515]

Edge,
Okay, sorry, I wasn't clear. I'm MAAB, so if/when I transition I'll be MTF. I brought up  ->-bleeped-<- because for MTF's it's a term that is used to invalidate transgender feelings if they arrive after puberty. I'm not sure what the FTM equivalent term of that would be (tomboyism?). My real point was that just because these feelings, whether FTM or MTF, might come later in life for some of us does not make those feelings any less valid. That's all.

Sorry if I didn't communicate effectively. I was tired.

Have a nice Saturday!

Cheers,
Teg

Nope, there is no (real) equally offensive term for a FAAB person. Tomboy isn't offensive to anybody (except maybe if you know you aren't a girl) and has no sexual reference. MAAB people experience more discrimination and hatred transgressing gender norms (in any way). I am hoping the next generation is getting this a little. You might be able to "share that term" by changing latin terms  (i.e. autoandrophilia) , but it's not a term very many people use on trans males (to my knowledge) or that we would want. It means basically you aren't *really* trans but that you have self sexual love for the idea of being a woman (man). Incredibly incredibly offensive. I believe some psychiatrists still use it or at least the concept. There are definitely people who don't know until puberty or later. They are correctly called "people who didn't know until after puberty".


--Jay

[Sincerely Tegan]

Al, that was the entire point I was trying to make, that  ->-bleeped-<- and autoandrophilia are bull->-bleeped-<- terms that serve to invalidate what many of us are going through, simply because these feelings caught up with us later in life. We're all on the same page here.

Happy Sunday,
Teg

[meganB]

When I was real young I played most of the time like a boy, but I also really liked girls things also (I loved shiny things). You could say I was androgyne, depending on who I played with I was more boyish or more girlish.

When I entered puberty I also noticed that I didn't really feel that I was a boy. Also I had a crush on my best friend (as a girl as I coudn't see myself as a boy loving him) and I saw myself in dreams as a girl (or that I changed into a girl). I didn't knew about transgenders, I only thought there were strange old men out there that dressed as a woman for fun (no offence crossdressers and like, just my small minded thoughts when I was a 13 year old). Because of that I thought it might be just a phase and denied it with all my strength. I desperately tried to be more masculine that I failed horrible and because of that I had 1 friend who was like me, an outcast (my best friend went to live in Spain with his father). I lived after that almost always behinde a computer screen so that I could somewhat deal with me living a lie.

I'm living as a woman now, but I still have that androgyne trait. I act more feminine with my female friends and a bit more masculine with my male friends.

[Bombadil]

If I hadn't had my dad sexualizing me from a young age (and I mean young) I probably would have identified as boy. At school, when there was a boys and girls line I did keep trying to get in the boy. so, I knew I was a girl but mostly didn't identify that way. When puberty hit, I actually kind of got resigned to the fact I was a girl. I mean, my body was changing (yuck) in ways I couldn't deny.

[Hex]

I pretty much grew up until puberty not really even caring I was female or male. It never crossed my mind and just enjoyed life as it came. Puberty hit and the bottom dysphoria set in for me but I had literally no clue what transgender or even gay was at the time so I just dismissed it. I noticed as I hit 15 and up though I started leaning towards boy oriented things and the dysphoria never went away. Then life kind of caught me into this wtf era for the next 12 years where I just didn't care anymore. I was dealt the hand I was in life and I'm just going to try and live with it type of deal.

Then about I'd say 2-3 years ago I came across ftm stuff, namely bottom surgery topics and info and things just started clicking and it really began to eat at me. I'd sit there countless nights at times wondering where I fit in with the world and my self and why I hated practically everything about everything. Finally about a year ago it clicked by just me getting my hair cut as a guy for once. Go figure, changing 1 little thing would finally get my gears going so to speak. Spent that year really asking my self, in denial if this was what I was supposed to be.

This year, I came out to my husband and kids and family and everything as been 100% better. I'm 27 now and it took me a long time to figure it out, but I'm glad I did. So I guess I was a late bloomer.

[AquaWhatever]

Everyone is different ya know? When I was young I hated Girly things.
I hated pink. (The color of course)
I hated Playing with dolls.
I even hated being called a girl.
I didn't mind playing with girls..(to a certain extent)
As I got a little older like 10/11 I didn't mind "Girly" things.
This was probably because my mom was forcing to wear Girly clothes.
And play/Have more girl friends.
Even though I didn't mind, I always had the mind and heart of a guy.
My female friends would tell me this as well.
During puberty is when i started rejecting all things female.
My breast embarrassed me. And my period was the worst thing that ever happened to me.
I was extremely depressed when it happened.. I knew I was a dude on the inside. But I decided I was just gonna be lesbian when I got older. Until I found out what transgender was..
We're all different. And we find our "true" selves in different ways.
Not all transguys were tomboys. And not all of us are Extremely macho manly.
It doesn't make us less of men.