Urge to transition?

[Satinjoy]

For some reason I can handle both roles with no discomfort.  The only reason I think I can do that is I am self validating knowing who I am.  There are strong reasons I need stealth - presenting normal male.  The comfort I get is how I feel on Estrogen, knowing what is under the clothes, keeping my nails regardless, and just being me without repression.

I dunno maybe I'm a little different from most.  But if you can't transition yet, knowing who you really are under the "mask" could help - it doesn't make you any less trans.  Time will tell if this continues to work for me or not. 

[judithlynn]

Hi Randi;
Same with me. After being on HRT for a little over 12 months (on low dose of Progynova only), my urge to transition and my dysphoria has almost completely disappeared. But I am slowly feminizing. Recently I had a health scare and had to stop HRT. The first two months were OK, I suppose as the Oestrogen worked its way out of the system, but the last month has been terrible with the GID  and depression coming back in waves. Luckily I have just been given the all clear and I can start back on HRT, but I have to cycle up again.
Hugs

[immortal gypsy]

You could try going more unisex with your clothing. I'm about to start HRT, but I've been going more unisex with clothing for years.

For shoes, converse (if they are your style) are definitely great for both genders. My cisgendered GF has probably 12 pairs. I've been wearing them for a while, too. They are nice in that they come in LOADS of colors, probably anything you could want. Plus, they have a slimming effect on your feet. Probably a better look for younger people such as myself, but you never know.

I would add Dr'Martin boots to that list as well apart from my black work pair I have about half a dozen none them coming from the guys section, friends who didn't know before use to ask some questions and try to steer me away butI usually ignored them. I agree with the converse as well every time they release a new range I usually buy a new pair you can never have enough shoes or boots

[Allyda]

For me the decision to go full time was made for me even before hrt. I just could no longer pass as male. Therefore I started living full time and never looked back.

[AnneB]

First, I am so jealous of you girls who are young enough to be able to pass, or be much closer to passing than us older gals.  I'm 55 and have been dysphoric since age 5 or so.. the urge.. no.. NEED, to unlock your insides WILL get stronger as you get older.  Keeping it in will only get harder, cause more pain and ultimately cause you to lash out at those who care.

now, last 6mos on herbal programs have helped my mind quite a bit, and changed my face and body enough to help quell the insanity running rampant inside.  And I am just a couple months from switching to script-based HRT.  I have only been able to wear girl-cut jeans at home, and out, but it helps a bit.  When I am at work (I travel for a living daily), dressing in the hotel rooms (but remaining inside still) also provides relief.  And as funny as it seems, Burt's Bees Shimmering Lip Balm makes me smile too, helps me look a bit like the girl I feel inside.  Some really cool colors too.

But still, every single time I look in the mirror, the single thing that keeps me from passing, even in a dark room...  Electrolysis/laser is the one thing that every one of us will do as removing the greatest barrier.

It gets a lot harder keeping this in as you get older, but dressing the part, the honest-how-you-feel-in-your-heart-part, even if nothing more than clear nail polish, some nice girl-cut jeans from Goodwill ($5), color sneakers from WalMart (light blue piping Haley sneaks, $15) can absolutely do wonders for your mind, and still look low-key enough to not raise any eyebrows.

Will these help the urge to transition, smoothly, or not, take the edge off early?  idk, I just know they have helped me.

I truly hope you find your path soon!

[Evelyn K]

Once people register me as female with boys clothes I think then I would be in total transition.

Yeah this is the route I'm taking. I just don't believe 'dressing the part' is enough. It's like being in a costume and people will read it.

I've placed a high benchmark for myself. I must absolutely pass.

[carrie359]

LTL,
Yes I am going through the same thing. I don't like boy mode and its getting harder.. A trans friend of mine told me I need to get on the laser hair removal. I am mentally really moving fast..
So, E3000 in 4 weeks In Dallas Tx.. gonna hurt
Carrie

Yeah, its been getting harder both emotionally and physically.  I feel the need to just make the move, but feel the need to continue making improvements before fulltime.  While I've been told I pass, that is when I have makeup on.  I want the hormones to have a little more time and then style my hair in a way that would make boy mode impossible and emphasize my feminine features.  I'm getting there,but need a little more time and need to secure employment again first.  Though I feel increasingly bad about continuing not in the fulltime and desperately want to move past this awkward phase.  Then again, I'm insanely hard on myself and probably am selling myself short.  I almost feel guilty whining when I realize I don't have it that bad in reality.  Besides the internal struggle,  I'm confusing people more and more and my physical changes are noticeable so that's a good sign even if it makes shopping a bit harder for me sometimes,lol.   So it's getting much more awkward and uncomfortable being in boymode, but I'm not there yet, at least in my own mind.

[Allyda]

First, I am so jealous of you girls who are young enough to be able to pass, or be much closer to passing than us older gals.  I'm 55 and have been dysphoric since age 5 or so.. the urge.. no.. NEED, to unlock your insides WILL get stronger as you get older.  Keeping it in will only get harder, cause more pain and ultimately cause you to lash out at those who care.

I'd like to say something in response to this. I'm 49 and passing has nothing to do with age so much as it has to do with how you present and carry yourself in public. I pass easily without even trying even without makeup and my nails plain -no polish even wearing a loose fitting pair of sweats, and while 3 months and a little over 1 week of hrt has began to enhance my body shape a little I could no longer pass for male 5 years ago -long before I began hrt. The reason the statement above caught a nerve a little is I feel it to suggest that just because we are older it's impossible to pass as female, and that is just not true. While some of us are a little bit luckier than others with the face and body we have to begin with this is the same with our younger sisters as well. For some including you AnneB it just may take a little longer for the hormones to do their thing, but eventually they do and if you present yourself with confidence in your gender identity and who you really are that goes a long way toward how your perceived in the public eye. I have a couple of transwomen Girlfriends that are in their 60's who pass easily one who is over 6' tall. They are confident individuals who care little about how other see them, which seems to work well.

Yes of course I believe it is alot easier on  us if we have the opportunity to transition early in life. I believe passing well is a combination of the right combination of hrt meds for your individual needs which only an Endochronologist can determine, and how you present yourself in public. I do not believe being able to pass is confined only to our younger sisters.

AnneB I notice in your post you state you've been using herbals, and have yet to start prescription hrt. These (herbals) do very little if anything at all to help with transformation. No, you need to be on the proper combination of hrt meds prescribed by and monitored by an Endochronologist. With the right meds at the proper levels you will see progress.