I just got called a ->-bleeped-<- by a random passing stranger. :(

[Sincerely Tegan]

So that was... unexpected?

Walking with my wife through the mall movie theatre's parking lot, I just passed by a young Hispanic guy in his twenties. He had a toddler with him, and as he passed me he said "->-bleeped-<-" under his breath. Only I heard it, but I'm certain I did.

The thing is, I'm not dressed femme. I really don't know where that came from.

I guess as I continue down this road I'm going to have to get used to that kind of ->-bleeped-<-, huh?

Oculus better be worth it. I wish they served beer here.

Ugh...

-Tegan 

[stephaniec]

I can't remember , but have you been on HRT for awhile. I've been on for 5 months and do get stared at some times. I could imagine that happening because there are people like that with deeply held beliefs about how things should be.

[Izla]

It must mean you're looking more androgynous/female? Yay!

Here in the UK that word is slang for cigarette so just politely inform them that smoking (like hate) is bad for their health, if you feel like saying anything.

As if it's not bad enough to put someone else down he does it timidly and under his breath. Total coward.

[Evelyn K]

Can't be that. I certainly don't hear it. Is it your clothing style? Earrings? Piercings? Jewelry? Hairstyle/color?

A lot of trans people usually do have something that's quirky about them giving them away.

[JamesG]

  It might have just been a random insult to him, or perhaps he was saying something in Spanish that sounded like "->-bleeped-<-" (which would have be "maricon") to you, and it struck home.   And of course some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s.

[Joanna Dark]

If I had a nickle for all the times I was called ->-bleeped-<- by some macho manly man dudebro, I would be a woman with a whole lot of nickles. The last time I was called anything derogatory was about a year ago by three girls who called me a ->-bleeped-<-. I was dressed in male clothes with a hat on and wearing zero makeup, not even foundation. And I won't usually leave the house without at least some foundation or at the very least BB or CC cream. So, I guess it was a compliment? Turn negatives into positives. In any event, if you're going to transition, you'll go thru the awkward stage and that happens. It does seem strange though that you were with your wife when it happened. Some guys just use ->-bleeped-<- as a general term to insult someone they don't like the appearance of. I'd take it as a learning experience and just brush it off. Or think of it as a compliment. Most gay guys are hawttttt. I wish I was gay. Life would be sooo much easier. I tried. I gave up. Into tangent zone so...yeah.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

  It might have just been a random insult to him, or perhaps he was saying something in Spanish that sounded like "->-bleeped-<-" (which would have be "maricon") to you, and it struck home.   And of course some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s.

Yeah. There's a lot of people out there that totally suck. Screw'em. They aren't worth the bother.

[Evelyn K]

If I had a nickle for all the times I was called ->-bleeped-<- by some macho manly man dudebro, I would be a woman with a whole lot of nickles. The last time I was called anything derogatory was about a year ago by three girls who called me a ->-bleeped-<-. I was dressed in male clothes with a hat on and wearing zero makeup, not even foundation. And I won't usually leave the house without at least some foundation or at the very least BB or CC cream. So, I guess it was a compliment? Turn negatives into positives. In any event, if you're going to transition, you'll go thru the awkward stage and that happens. It does seem strange though that you were with your wife when it happened. Some guys just use ->-bleeped-<- as a general term to insult someone they don't like the appearance of. I'd take it as a learning experience and just brush it off. Or think of it as a compliment. Most gay guys are hawttttt. I wish I was gay. Life would be sooo much easier. I tried. I gave up. Into tangent zone so...yeah.

A lot of men are closet bisexuals. Calling someone under their breath seems like psychosomatic overcompensation for their denial. You know, "thou doth protest too much..." 

[Paige]

A lot of men are closet bisexuals. Calling someone under their breath seems like psychosomatic overcompensation for their denial. You know, "thou doth protest too much..." 

It definitely sounds like overcompensation but it could also be some other insecurity about their masculinity.   It may not be sexual.   They may feel they are too short, too weak, not successful enough.  They need to run others down, to make themselves feel superior.

Unfortunately for them, this type of action reveals their own inadequacies.  It does the exact opposite of what they want.

[Christine167]

It's happened to me before many times in my life. And I was completely straight and with a girl each time as well. Sometimes I think people are just that random A holes passing by and unloading because they know at worst it's a fight that they were probably looking for anyway. But more often than not they are looking for no response or a wtf look.

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Pffffff

Such cruelty
I can only imagine how many issues this person has.

[RosieD]

They are a right whatnot those moments aren't they? They can prey on your mind for days. The most likely explanation is mishearing what was said as others have already commented. After that you are into intended insult territory but really?  Calling someone homosexual is an insult? Since when? It may be mistaken in which case a quick "sorry love I can't help you, I'm straight" should sort out the misunderstanding.

Rosie

[Sincerely Tegan]

I can't remember , but have you been on HRT for awhile. I've been on for 5 months and do get stared at some times. I could imagine that happening because there are people like that with deeply held beliefs about how things should be.

Steph, no, I won't even have my first real therapy appointment for another week. The one I was panicking about nearly a month ago was an evaluation. So no, no HRT. The hair's gotten a little longer (it really does grow fast) and the last few lbs I've lost have really thinned out my face, but that's it. Maybe I'm looking more andro than I realized? I guess my clothes- black boots, slim fit jeans, tank-top undershirt (I hate calling them wife-beaters), and slim fit button-up- could go either way. But I don't know- I haven't even shaved since Thursday (not that I have tons of growth).

It must mean you're looking more androgynous/female? Yay!

Here in the UK that word is slang for cigarette so just politely inform them that smoking (like hate) is bad for their health, if you feel like saying anything.

As if it's not bad enough to put someone else down he does it timidly and under his breath. Total coward.

Maybe, Izla, maybe.

I'm aware of the British ->-bleeped-<- slang. I had the privilege of spending nearly half a year in Britain, and I am totally in love with (parts of) your nation. Definitely in love with the slang. (Do you think that the Westboro Baptist Church is simply trying to tell the world that God is a nonsmoker?)

As far as the under the breath thing, I've dealt with it many a time as a teacher, though I always call students out on it, as it is my responsibility to teach them not to grow up into little cocks. When it's a random ass who is being the worst example of humanity to his three-year-old daughter, it's better to keep walking. But yeah, something bugged this guy. He wasn't just "taking the piss." <--- See what I did there? Slanged you with your own slang! How you like that cuppa?

Can't be that. I certainly don't hear it. Is it your clothing style? Earrings? Piercings? Jewelry? Hairstyle/color?

A lot of trans people usually do have something that's quirky about them giving them away.

I don't know, Ev. My clothes are all from the Men's section, but maybe it's just the way they fit me? I wear my shirt open these days, low enough to show about half my sternum, since I like to show off my chest tattoo (a raven). I guess it could be that? My only jewelry is a ring on each hand, and I have no piercings. Possibly it's the body language? Last night I was told by my students that I teach a college class like I'm hosting Blue's Clues (but in a good way, I was assured), so my personality certainly comes out a lot through my physicality. Maybe it's that?

  It might have just been a random insult to him, or perhaps he was saying something in Spanish that sounded like "->-bleeped-<-" (which would have be "maricon") to you, and it struck home.   And of course some people are just ->-bleeped-<-s.

Nah, I know all the Spanish insults. I definitely heard him right. And yes, many people are, as you say, just ->-bleeped-<-s.

If I had a nickle for all the times I was called ->-bleeped-<- by some macho manly man dudebro, I would be a woman with a whole lot of nickles. The last time I was called anything derogatory was about a year ago by three girls who called me a ->-bleeped-<-. I was dressed in male clothes with a hat on and wearing zero makeup, not even foundation. And I won't usually leave the house without at least some foundation or at the very least BB or CC cream. So, I guess it was a compliment? Turn negatives into positives. In any event, if you're going to transition, you'll go thru the awkward stage and that happens. It does seem strange though that you were with your wife when it happened. Some guys just use ->-bleeped-<- as a general term to insult someone they don't like the appearance of. I'd take it as a learning experience and just brush it off. Or think of it as a compliment. Most gay guys are hawttttt. I wish I was gay. Life would be sooo much easier. I tried. I gave up. Into tangent zone so...yeah.

Yeah, Joanna, I guess I'll just choose to see it as a confirmation that I'm headed in the right direction. But it definitely wasn't just a generic insult. First off, there was no trigger- no reason for him to say anything, as we were literally just passing each other on the sidewalk. Also, working with teenagers has taught me the difference in tone between a person just using "gay" as a generic insult, and those who use it with malice. This had malice. It really caught me by surprise. It was one of those moments in which you don't even process what has happened until it is too late to even consider reacting.

It definitely sounds like overcompensation but it could also be some other insecurity about their masculinity.   It may not be sexual.   They may feel they are too short, too weak, not successful enough.  They need to run others down, to make themselves feel superior.

Unfortunately for them, this type of action reveals their own inadequacies.  It does the exact opposite of what they want.

Oh yeah, Paige, it's total high school posturing bull->-bleeped-<-. It's less scary, though, when they're idiotic adolescents who are posturing for the benefit of their peers. When it's an adult who seems to be posturing for himself, those situations are a bit more unpredictable and potentially dangerous.

It's happened to me before many times in my life. And I was completely straight and with a girl each time as well. Sometimes I think people are just that random A holes passing by and unloading because they know at worst it's a fight that they were probably looking for anyway. But more often than not they are looking for no response or a wtf look.

Christine, I don't even know if he consciously said it, to be honest. Just so odd. Didn't bump into him, didn't make eye contact (I had on sunglasses), simply passed by him and his child. I just wonder what he thinks he saw?

Well, I should probably stop thinking about this. Thanks for the support, everyone. Have fun times in dreamland!

Cheers,
Tegan

[Sincerely Tegan]

They are a right whatnot those moments aren't they? They can prey on your mind for days. The most likely explanation is mishearing what was said as others have already commented. After that you are into intended insult territory but really?  Calling someone homosexual is an insult? Since when? It may be mistaken in which case a quick "sorry love I can't help you, I'm straight" should sort out the misunderstanding.

Rosie

Yeah Rosie, I've always been flabbergasted by the idea of homosexuality being seen as an insult. It bothers me that that sophomoric mindset follows so many into adulthood.

I wasn't taken aback by the meaning of the word tonight, but rather the intention.

G'night,
Teg

[Ltl89]

I've been called a ->-bleeped-<- by so many people that I can't even count the times it was said.  Funny thing is each time was just as hurtful as the last.  I mean you do sort of become immune to it, but it always hurts.  There are 2 moments that are engraved in my head that seem to play back over and over again.  It sucks.  In any case, it seems like these things are unavoidable.  One of the reasons I've tried so dearly to pass as best as I could befroe taking action is so that I wouldn't have to relive my earlier years.  Having recently been called a ->-bleeped-<- kind of showed me that there is no escaping other people's meaness and that there will always be judgemental pricks in the world no matter how hard we try to hide.  I'm so sorry you went through that.  You don't deserve that.  Just know that there will come a point in time when you will appear to be like any other woman passing by.  It takes time and effort, but if you allow yourself the chance to blossem, you will.  Good luck and sorry you went through this.

[KelsieJ]

Don't feel bad. It happens. I got cat-called today once, and snickered at twice as people walked by. It doesn't help that my gf has upper register hearing deficiencies, so when I'm using a femme voice, she can't hear what I'm saying, so I have to resort to my old deeper voice to be heard. It's frustrating sometimes, but hey, that's love for you......