Coping mechanisms and substance abuse

[CrisatSbux]

For a very long time I drank, heavily. When I drank I pushed everyone and everything aside. I could ignore my problems, so obviously I never wanted to be sober lest the problems come back. That's not something you can do for a long period of time when in a committed relationship. It all came to a head, and the only choices were continue drinking or continue being married. Obviously it took time and effort to pull myself out of that quagmire, but I did it with the help of my wife. Anyway! What I'm getting at us this:
When I was drunk, more feminine mannerisms would come out, to he point that even my wife would comment "that's pretty gay" I think weather I liked it or not, it made me more honest with myself. Or atleast lowered my inhibitions enough to stop worrying. I get the feeling that substance abuse is pretty common with us? If anyone here has experience with it, how did you cope with the aftermath? I find myself still occasionally wanting to drink, when I start to get super depressed or being over-analyzing my situation too much.

[suzifrommd]

Never had substance abuse issues, but did have an eating disorder, which is definitely an addiction. Here's what helped me:

1. Pray a lot. I'm not religious, am not sure about God, so I prayed to my inner strength. It worked just as well. I only prayed for things I could get from within myself, like the courage to do what I needed to do and the strength to stay on course.

2. Learned to love myself. Enjoy my company. I found the things I really loved doing and made sure that I did them as often as I could.

3. Treat myself like a precious child. I wouldn't starve a precious child (or feed  them mind altering substances). Didn't do anything to myself that I wouldn't do to a precious child.

4. Gave myself permission not to be perfect. Celebrated my imperfections because they made me human.

5. Required myself to be totally honest with myself. Faced the truth, whether it was good or bad. Prayed for the courage to be honest if I needed to.

Good luck sweetie. Booze is tough. I bet you're tougher.

[Asfsd4214]

I attend NA meetings pretty frequently, if nothing else they're a good place to get social support.

I don't have a lot of tips on how to cope, for me it feels like I'm only ever 1 day away from using drugs. The irony is the biggest thing that keeps me from going any further is cigarettes, which is still a drug, just one mild enough and cheap enough that it gets a pass.

In terms of aftermath, I have to deal with people not trusting me because of my history with drugs, I don't blame them but it nevertheless hurts your self esteem. I live with my partner and his parents and they wouldn't even give me a key for about a year. I risk getting kicked out if I drink or use drugs, homelessness is a fairly good motivator.

My partner hates it even more, can't trust me, that he's still with me at all when I've gone behind his back and gotten high before is pretty impressive.

You could try an AA or NA group, they have their positives and negatives. But at least it gives you more people you don't want to let down.

[CrisatSbux]

I think my wife staying with me through all the trouble with alcohol we've had is pretty impressive. But you're right. Homelessness is a pretty big motivator. I think if I slipped up again my wife AND parents would probably disown me. I think the lack of trust is also one of my biggest negatives to telling her my secret. She already has some trust issues left that we haven't worked out, I think it could either be the nail in the coffin, or an explain-all kinda thing.

[SUMMERWINE]

been there got the t shirt. substance abuse becomes a release for confused feelings. it can put you in a world that appears to be better for you TROUBLE IS ITS NOT REAL!!!! you have to come back into the real world at some point and then it can be so hard you hit the substances again to escape.
what i have found is there is a difference between abuse to escape and abuse to enter a state. also i found that with me i found it took away the shyness and inhibitions and i could come out more. here is another trouble in that like being drunk you cant control the levels as much as you think you might be able too. it made me openly admit i was transgender and had female mind. good you may think but when you didnt plan for it then it can cause no end of problems. i will say i was under the influence and so relaxed i just tripped into total female mode admitting to myself and a guy i was with that i was missing women's bits ect and should do something about it. ok so affected by drugs thats no a strange thing and could be just fantasy but since then the feelings have being so strong that i think the  situation just allowed me to admit my problems not that im saying that it was a right way to do it.
thing is when your in an altered state then the world seems better for you and you dont have a problem, you also tend to not realize that you are a problem for others. if you do it to escape  not being able to approach your feelings then look deep into yourself and see if you can summon enough courage to seek help. it sucks being blued and twoed to casualty and then being treated for substance abuse.
i dont pretend to say its easy to open up to feelings and with everybody it will have different implications. nobody starts out to abuse the substance it just takes away the pain but that in itself can make a person realize that some things arnt just a fantasy they are more deep routed and that in itself can lead to a faster spiral down.
anything abused is not good for you in the long run. sort term it gives you an escape but then can become a must have and takes more every time to have an effect.

[CrisatSbux]

I've kicked the alcohol habit completely, and cold turkey at that. My doctor currently has me on Prozac daily to help with the depression but I've still go ups and downs. I finally (sorta) had the talk with my wife about how I felt, and started it off by watching the documentary on Jazz. She was clearly upset when we started talking about it and thought that it meant I didn't want her. Which is not the case I can assure you. We had a little bit of a falling out but it seems to have cleared up.

When we see things on TV that relate to either transgender or cross-dressing, anything of the sort, she'll ask me "would you be willing to try that?" and I answer honestly, of course I would. I'm not sure if shes being sarcastic about it or genuine, but the fact that shes talking about it at all is a step up.

[Rachel]

I am straight edge, no alcohol, drugs or cigaretts. I was, as an adult 140 to 320 pounds and now 200 pounds and steady. When I lose weight I do it very slow.

Alcohole from 7th grade to age 36. Ate healthy from 36 on. Drugs high school and college. Cigaretts 11 to 45.

The day I stopped drinking and started eating healthy was a choice I made to live. I had a diabetic ulcer on my foot and my feet were in poor condition and legs not much better. I literally was drinking and eating myself to death and I knew it. My daughter was a few months old and the doctor was removing the bottom of my foot fat pad in the treatment room with no numbing agents, did not need them. I could smell the rotting flesh and it was gaging. The doctor, after the proceedure, sat down and looked me in the eye and said, do you have children and I said 1 just born a few months ago (3 months almost). He said from his experiance what was going to transpire unless I stopped drinking and lost weight and controlled my diabetis.

I had been to court ordered 6 month outpatient rehab for 6 months 5 years prior. I lasted an hour after I was free.

I remember the 1st day sober in a ball crying.

I am glad I am straight edge but staying there is tough. I gave up the associates. I moved. I replaced my addictions with a hobby that I value. I have a recovering alcoholic, buddest, bubble head, ex-mororcycle club, Operations Manager (I love the guy) I rely on and trust with my life and confide in for help.   

I am a recovering hider who uses addictions to avoid what I fear most in life, being myself. I have a secret, I am finding out I do not fit in and I am different. I am now figuring out how to be become myself.

[Ltl89]

I'm afraid to over share here, but yeah I had a problem at one point and still do to a degree as the feelings never leave. While I'm not abusing anymore and never did anything illegal for the most part, I miss the feeling.  It was one of the only things that got me by and allowed me to feel okay with life.  I miss the security and comfort in numbing myself.  It's said but I know if I don't watch myself I could easily fall into the trap once again very easily.  That's why I always sympathize with patient's that are addicted to controlled substances that call begging for their scripts.  You know what they feel and the frenzy they are in.  They need help and need to get passed it, but you remember what it's like to be in those shoes.    And you never fully grow out of them.  The cravings always stay.  You know it's wrong and so you stay away, but there is always that tempting voice that makes you want through it all away just for that brief period of relief.  It sucks and remains to be a constant battle in some form. 

[JoanneB]

My favorites were drinking and eating.

To stretch the point you may be able to also include adrenaline

[MelanieH74]

I had been a hard beer drinker for years. I am now over one year sober! Besides my former troubled life, my therapist seemed to think that my dysphoia was a major reason for my depression and alcoholism (30 to90 cans a day). She believes I was subconsiously trying to oppress the fact I'm trans and trying to possibly trying to drink myself to death.
Looking back, it seems clear now. All the wasted time drunk and hurting, not to mention the wear and tear on my family.
My wife and sons consider this a cakewalk in comparison and are glad to see me the happiest I have been in years (smile was not in my vocabulary and happiness was an unattainable dream)

Transition is helping myself and my family and we are ALL much happier and is saving my life.

[Eva Marie]

Yep, I was going through a 30 pack of beer every 3 days or so. It was a way to get away from my troubles and who I knew way deep down inside I was. I felt physically like crap and I was tired of being in a drunken haze all of the time. I was both disgusted at the person I had become as well as was worrying about my health, and that eventually drove me to see a gender therapist. Today I still enjoy a beer or 3 after work but that 30 pack goes a lot longer now. The drunken haze days are behind me. My transition has seen to that.

[Jill F]

Drunk- check.  I still drink occasionally, but never to run away from my problems.  Now I get wickednasty hangovers and barf if I get smashed.
Drugs- check.  I don't think there was a drug I never did other than crack.  I always thought cooking it up was a perfectly good waste of blow.  I never shot up heroin, but I can't say I never did it.  I probably smoked up half of Northern California as well.

When I was coming to grips with being trans, I tried to drink myself to death.  Twice.

When I accepted this about me and got on HRT, I no longer had problems to run away from and can now go sober indefinitely if I want.

[TRyan]

Yes-most definitely. Drugs and alcohol. I was clean and sober for years and years. I found the ftm community in the late 90's and was really happy and set to go on T but was too chicken to tell my family so I stuffed everything back inside and went back on drugs about 5 years later.

Now I'm clean and sober again.

I think it's important to be free of substances and numbing techniques in order to face this journey.

How I do it is I go to 12 step groups. I tried on my own but couldn't maintain. I'm also in therapy at the local gender health center.

It's not easy dealing with all the feelings that are involved with everything.

but the alternative isn't pretty either.