lonely in transition

[Ltl89]

Hey Riley,

I know the feeling as we are in a similar situation.  Every time I go to a support group, I feel very left out or different feeling.  Usually my age plays a role as there are very few girls transitioning my age, but sometimes it's other things.  All in all, you sort of feel isolated and lonely throughout the process.  And the funny thing is all the people are wonderful and accepting, but it's easy to feel like an outsider when you are different for whatever reason. While I can relate, I'm really sorry you are feeling this way and I wish I could help in some way.

[Allyda]

Veronica M I took your idea and ran with it. Hope you don't mind. The thread is under "Male To Female Transgender Talk." Maybe you can take a look and tell me how I did? Hopefully we'll help some of our sisters get together, or find one another if they live in the same area.

Thanks in advance.

Ally

[Veronica M]

Veronica M I took your idea and ran with it. Hope you don't mind. The thread is under "Male To Female Transgender Talk." Maybe you can take a look and tell me how I did? Hopefully we'll help some of our sisters get together, or find one another if they live in the same area.

Thanks in advance.

Ally

No problem... Being new here I figured it would be better received by others from someone that has been here a little longer than I have. So cool deal... I will post there for sure.

[Allyda]

No problem... Being new here I figured it would be better received by others from someone that has been here a little longer than I have. So cool deal... I will post there for sure.

I still gave you credit for the original idea. I was saving that to surprise you, but I just thought I'd tell ya. It's a great idea and the thread has already taken off!

[Teela Renee]

I feel insanely out of place at trans support groups near me.  Maybe i'm just too judgmental. But to me, they all literally look and sound like men in wigs, who talk about feminism and just wanna bash stuff all night instead of anything supportive. I cant go to them cause their behavior makes me mad.

[Allyda]

The way this works it don't have to be a group. You could find someone, a MTF with similar interests as you and you could meet. The situation's open to any possibility. I'm not particularly fond of groups either. It's just, with the exception of my friends down south I have no other MTF's to talk to. How you work this is up to you if your interested. If not, that's OK too. I've been going it alone up until recently for quite a long time now.

[Veronica M]

I still gave you credit for the original idea. I was saving that to surprise you, but I just thought I'd tell ya. It's a great idea and the thread has already taken off!

Awww.... Thank you, but you really didn't have to... Never the less it is appreciated.

I feel insanely out of place at trans support groups near me.  Maybe i'm just too judgmental. But to me, they all literally look and sound like men in wigs, who talk about feminism and just wanna bash stuff all night instead of anything supportive. I cant go to them cause their behavior makes me mad.

The one I go to isn't anything like that... First off it's MTF, FTM both and there is usually a topic and everyone shares. Every month there is also a social with food etc. Even though I am a bit older than most there it is very relaxing as people are very non-judgmental. 

[Allyda]

Even though in the past I've not done well with groups (those I attended were about ptsd, not being trans) I would actually like to give a transgender support group a try. Based on how things went for me when I went to the Lake Fork Pride Fest while I was on vacation, it might turn out to be a different and beneficial experience.

[Ltl89]

I feel insanely out of place at trans support groups near me.  Maybe i'm just too judgmental. But to me, they all literally look and sound like men in wigs, who talk about feminism and just wanna bash stuff all night instead of anything supportive. I cant go to them cause their behavior makes me mad.

Yeah, I feel a little weird when I am the youngest person in the room by far.  There are very few young trans girls that are transitioning where I live.  I know of maybe two that are around my age group that are mtf (there are plenty of younger ftms).  Though all of the mtfs I know that are older are still nice people even if it's harder for me to relate. 

[Riley Skye]

Yeah, I feel a little weird when I am the youngest person in the room by far.  There are very few young trans girls that are transitioning where I live.  I know of maybe two that are around my age group that are mtf (there are plenty of younger ftms).  Though all of the mtfs I know that are older are still nice people even if it's harder for me to relate.

Yeah there's only a few girls our age, you're in your early 20's also? I'm the farthest along of everyone I know. I only saw a couple at group, including you. It is lonely in that every group I go to all the trans women are at least 40 or so and not many pass well. I know I'm being shallow and judgmental but honestly I have no interest in being friends with someone who is old enough to be my parent. Honestly I can't relate at all with older trans women, everyone had there lives settled and the vast majority are parents before they came out and began transitioning. Those are all experiences I cannot relate with nor will I ever have. Within the next few years I will be able to live stealth and actually have a life that I will have started. I want to know and befriend someone who I can relate and get along with but alas I doubt I will. Long Island has a very spread out community and the city is too inconvenient to attend support groups in, it's out of the picture unless I move there, which I won't.

[Ltl89]

Yeah there's only a few girls our age, you're in your early 20's also? I'm the farthest along of everyone I know. I only saw a couple at group, including you. It is lonely in that every group I go to all the trans women are at least 40 or so and not many pass well. I know I'm being shallow and judgmental but honestly I have no interest in being friends with someone who is old enough to be my parent. Honestly I can't relate at all with older trans women, everyone had there lives settled and the vast majority are parents before they came out and began transitioning. Those are all experiences I cannot relate with nor will I ever have. Within the next few years I will be able to live stealth and actually have a life that I will have started. I want to know and befriend someone who I can relate and get along with but alas I doubt I will. Long Island has a very spread out community and the city is too inconvenient to attend support groups in, it's out of the picture unless I move there, which I won't.

Yeah, sorry in that I haven't been there in quite some time.  I'm a bit allergic to real life support groups.  although, I have seen two other transgirls that show up occassionally as well.  I'm not sure of everyone's age, though I would guess they are also in their 20s (I'm actually 25).  And I do know of another person, one of my friends, who is trans that avoids support groups.  She is stealth and all, so I'm kind of her only transfriend.   So we are out there. The thing is most transwoman tend to transition later on in life, so it's harder to meet someone in the younger demographics (not true for transmen as they tend to be younger).  And I suspect the usual setup may leave younger transwoman to find alternative support functions like online.  The one you go to isn't bad though as many of the people there are wonderful and supportive, it's just harder to relate when you are younger and/or have a different lifestyle.  For me it's even more weird because I'm no longer a kid yet I'm still not like an adult.  I'm in that mid phase where I can't relate to almost anyone in some ways.  And it does suck as my support function is almost non-existant in real life. 

In any case, chin up.  Maybe searching for camaraderie in the trans community is a bit hard, but I'm sure there are plenty of girls your age that you go to school with that you can relate with.   Maybe that can offer you what you are looking for.

[stephaniec]

I guess a big problem is we're a minority of a minority that's pretty spread out so the numbers are small . I'm sorry you have so much trouble. I'm one of the older ones who really don't have a particular need to socialize with other transgenders in particular . I'm just happy being with anyone. Actually I'm just happy doing my own thing.

[Evelyn K]

I feel insanely out of place at trans support groups near me.  Maybe i'm just too judgmental. But to me, they all literally look and sound like men in wigs, who talk about feminism and just wanna bash stuff all night instead of anything supportive. I cant go to them cause their behavior makes me mad.

A lot of those guys are divorced or midlife crisis closeted bi-sexual cross-dressers who pay lip service to the whole trans thing. They are mostly there to act out their fetishes.

I think it's really about time the T in LGBT gets a new neighbor, such as LGBTA (for Ambiguous)

[Ltl89]

A lot of those guys are divorced or midlife crisis closeted bi-sexual cross-dressers who pay lip service to the whole trans thing. They are mostly there to act out their fetishes.

I think it's really about time the T in LGBT gets a new neighbor, such as LGBTA (for Ambiguous)

That could be true for some, but I think many just may still be early in their transition or perhaps they simply have a harder time passing.  It doesn't detract from their feelings even if they have a more challenging time looking the part.  That's why I've always felt for those who transition at an older age.  They are no less women, though it can be more challeging to pass at an older age. However, it is true that there are cross dressers coming to the support groups as well.  But after all, doesn't the t stand for trasgender and not transexual? I guess it depends on the group. 

[Evelyn K]

I think the T in transgender is becoming too faceted. I think the T designation should be assigned to those who mediate between actual sex hormones - only.

Everything else gets swept into the Ambiguous bag (That includes Furries lol) Enough is enough already.

[Christine167]

Being one of the older ones who had a family I can honestly say that my teens and twenties really weren't that long ago. I've really enjoyed spending time with older and younger transgender people but I guess every group is different and to some level a support group is just that a group and not a circle of friends.

I was lucky enough that my closest friends just listened and gave me a hug when I came out to them. And they shrugged & gave me the puzzled look when I told them I was worried that they would look down on me to stop being my friends. I don't dress when I'm around them yet but they have seen me in girl mode. I am getting the hint that they want me to accelerate the process so that I can get out of my funk and start this new chapter of life with a bang. A few have commented on the changes in my face and body. Others on how I carry myself and act. They accept me and few in particular have become protective of me.

I want this for all of us. Friends and family who can get behind our change and love us for who we are. Now if I can only get my job to pass some pro trans employee policies.

[TerriT]

Yeah there's only a few girls our age, you're in your early 20's also? I'm the farthest along of everyone I know. I only saw a couple at group, including you. It is lonely in that every group I go to all the trans women are at least 40 or so and not many pass well. I know I'm being shallow and judgmental but honestly I have no interest in being friends with someone who is old enough to be my parent. Honestly I can't relate at all with older trans women, everyone had there lives settled and the vast majority are parents before they came out and began transitioning. Those are all experiences I cannot relate with nor will I ever have. Within the next few years I will be able to live stealth and actually have a life that I will have started. I want to know and befriend someone who I can relate and get along with but alas I doubt I will. Long Island has a very spread out community and the city is too inconvenient to attend support groups in, it's out of the picture unless I move there, which I won't.

Well, why go at all? Most of those people have jacked up lives that have all sorts of complications and things. They need support. If you're young, pretty and have your whole life ahead of you, go out and live it. Go places younger people go. Go to bars and restaurants and sports and all that stuff. It's the easiest thing in the world to find. Because if the excuse is "they're all old and ugly and I don't want to be friends with them anyway" then maybe they don't need you either. Hell, they probably resent it.

I get that attitude sometimes. I'll say something in my group and one of the older girls will make some snide comment under her breath or interrupt me and it's annoying. It's not everyone of course, most of them are really nice and I value them greatly, but there are always 1 or 2 bitches. I never say anything back though. I try not to be disruptive IRL.

But I've found the trans community is always in flux with people moving in different stages and on different paths and that people come and go quickly. And not everyone goes on a regular basis so it can be a while in between seeing people and if you're not there then you can miss them easily. The trans people I know that have been friends with each other a long time, they're old. They met a long time ago. They've seen hundreds of younger girls come in and out of their group.

[stephaniec]

Well, why go at all? Most of those people have jacked up lives that have all sorts of complications and things. They need support. If you're young, pretty and have your whole life ahead of you, go out and live it. Go places younger people go. Go to bars and restaurants and sports and all that stuff. It's the easiest thing in the world to find. Because if the excuse is "they're all old and ugly and I don't want to be friends with them anyway" then maybe they don't need you either. Hell, they probably resent it.

I get that attitude sometimes. I'll say something in my group and one of the older girls will make some snide comment under her breath or interrupt me and it's annoying. It's not everyone of course, most of them are really nice and I value them greatly, but there are always 1 or 2 bitches. I never say anything back though. I try not to be disruptive IRL.

But I've found the trans community is always in flux with people moving in different stages and on different paths and that people come and go quickly. And not everyone goes on a regular basis so it can be a while in between seeing people and if you're not there then you can miss them easily. The trans people I know that have been friends with each other a long time, they're old. They met a long time ago. They've seen hundreds of younger girls come in and out of their group.

good advice .

[Riley Skye]

Well, why go at all? Most of those people have jacked up lives that have all sorts of complications and things. They need support. If you're young, pretty and have your whole life ahead of you, go out and live it. Go places younger people go. Go to bars and restaurants and sports and all that stuff. It's the easiest thing in the world to find. Because if the excuse is "they're all old and ugly and I don't want to be friends with them anyway" then maybe they don't need you either. Hell, they probably resent it.

I get that attitude sometimes. I'll say something in my group and one of the older girls will make some snide comment under her breath or interrupt me and it's annoying. It's not everyone of course, most of them are really nice and I value them greatly, but there are always 1 or 2 bitches. I never say anything back though. I try not to be disruptive IRL.

But I've found the trans community is always in flux with people moving in different stages and on different paths and that people come and go quickly. And not everyone goes on a regular basis so it can be a while in between seeing people and if you're not there then you can miss them easily. The trans people I know that have been friends with each other a long time, they're old. They met a long time ago. They've seen hundreds of younger girls come in and out of their group.

I go still be not only is it my only community so far but I've a meet some really great people there. Yes I don't now other trans girls my age that doesn't mean there aren't others. We are basically family at the group and have been helping each other so much plus I like hanging out with the few friends I've made. I'm still needing some support as I am still doing a lot with my transition. Without this group I would only have two friends right now and would be a horrible mess. I need to find others as well but I have no clue where I can go in the gay community. There doesn't seem to be anything here and my aspergers doesn't help much either.