I am back home after a long hibernation. I had become depressed and a recluse. Keeping my feelings to myself did not help and I had to be among friends who will empathize with me. Hence I am back where I may belong.
I am married with one son. For years I was deluding myself that I was a happily married normal man with a happy family. After many years of married life, I was shocked to learn from my wife's conversation, which I overheard, with a friend who I later learned was her lover before our marriage that I had failed as a man an that she felt cheated for many years.
Since then I introspected my life from the time I could remember and instead of faulting my wife, I also felt that there were many clues and indications from which I should have realized that fate had played tricks with me and I was not a man and therefore could not be a husband.
It dawned on me that I am a woman masquerading as a man due to no fault of mine. Although I felt bad initially, I started feeling good gradually and today I am proud that I am a woman although not biologically or legally one. Never mind. I feel that I am a woman and have begun to feel like one.
I am still married and living with my wife. Our son is living away from home. I have talked to my wife and we have agreed that for practical purposes we will continue as man (!) and wife. I also told her that I had no objection to having sexual relations with her lover. I did not want her to lead a miserable life.
We live under one roof and share everything but bed. She meets her lover when I am not home.
I do not crossdress. But I hate my manhood if I could so describe it and keep it tucked most times.
Since I am old, I can do nothing but continue to masquerade as a man while privately I am extremely comfortable with hiding my penis even from own sifgt except when I need to.
Wonder if there are others similarly placed in life.
Prema
