How do you feel when someone tells you to cut your nails?

[Satinjoy]

Satinjoy,

I wouldn't read to much into it. I believe that's just her way of venting (although it can be hurtful if taken to heart)
They are only nails and I'm sure it'll pass (married myself and understand)

She may also be a little jealous cause cis women have thinner nails and they break easier.  Maybe treat her to getting her nails done and pamper her as you transitioñ. Summary... Pamper her and spoil her as you transition and she may be more receptive

Bullseye.  Great idea.  Yes she is venting.  I was running around in a half slip a little while ago treating her to a backrub.

I am pretty sure its mostly fear of me coming out of stealth.  Thats ok.  But she knows the nails stay and is tolerating it as one of my lines drawn in the sand.

[Satinjoy]

Any marriage will include limits and boundaries for the people involved. For your wife this nail issue is a boundary that she doesn't want you to cross.

Another part of marriage is compromise and understanding. From what I have seen very few wives are willing to work out compromises or have understanding when it comes to a partner's transgender issues.

You have to decide if her limit about your nails is unacceptable, if you can live with it, or if you can change her mind about it.

My own wife had some hard limits that included never seeing me in female mode and not wanting me to even talk about it. It's one factor among many that played into us being separated now.

Someone above mentioned deceit in regards to marriage. Not all of us know when we get married that we are trans (I sure didn't!) and in our case there is certainly no intention to deceive the person that we are getting married to. When transgender jumps on us later in life it surprises us too. I can understand my wife's viewpoint that she married what she thought was a certain person only to have the rug pulled out from under her, but hey, it was pulled out from under me too.

It took a long time to get rid of deceit.  It was the best thing I ever did for her and for myself.

She knew I was trans but we thought I had been "cured".  50 purges later and a hard wall and so much for that.  But I successfully completely hid it from her for 27 years of marrage, which made the blow harder for her.  The shock.

Boundaries were worked out in therapy, carefully.  I keep the nails, I have the right to that.  She has the right for me to present to her as much as possible in ways that she is familiar with.   So I don't go full transition around her, but it goes very far, very close to it indeed.  She also has a right to my attentions which I will gladly give her.

She is one of the rare ones with the compromise, discussions, understandings, being educated about trans albeit by me.  The one kid that really has issues wound up in 2 sessions with my therapist, one alone and one with me.

Sorry to hear about your separation.  Transitioning is so tough on existing relationships.

[Satinjoy]

I trim the nails on my fingering hand regularly so I don't gouge the fret board or chop the tips of my fingers up while playing guitar, the nails on my picking hand tend to get worn down, a bit misshaped and/or break and end up getting trimmed as well

But if anyone wishes to examine my nails for judgmental reasons, I have a particular finger that I'll be glad to show them 

Thats the one I lost my nail on.  Perhaps the homophobe across the hall at work would like a demonstration of what it can do now.

[Alaia]

My nails are usually short as I tend to have one break or tear when they get longer. Then my OCD kicks in because I can't have one shorter than the rest so I end up trimming them all.

But anyway, I can somewhat relate as I've on numerous occasions had others tell me I should cut my hair, that it's unprofessional, that I look so much better with short hair, etc. Screw them I say. It's your body and you can do what you damn well please with it.