Hello everyone! I wanted to take some time to introduce myself to the group. One day I hope to go by the name Naomi in public, so I guess that will do for my name here on Susan's. I have been lurking for some time to see if it was true, that there are actually people out there just like me that face the same problems as me. I find this to be a rare place on the internet where I can freely express myself without much criticism. Currently I'm 24 and beginning the process of transition to become the woman I was meant to be, by taking the first step, talking to a psychologist.
A bit about me:
For starters, as many of you here have expressed I have come to the conclusion that life for me needs to change. I was born in this shell that needs to be molted. Since my earliest memories, all I can remember was a great displeasure with my body and hate how I feel trapped inside of it. Being the middle child of all boys in my childhood certainly had negative effect on me expressing my feelings. You could say it was a Disney Frozen moment "conceal don't feel" kind of life for me when I was younger. I did have a wonderful friend that I was able to express myself too and she was very monumental in my life by helping me to understand what I was feeling when I was very young. Puberty was hell for me and in adulthood I remained scared to come out due to the mindset of the small redneck town here in Georgia. Currently I am married to a wonderful woman that I love dear. She has been wonderful to me so far but we've had our moments of conflict.
I almost didn't marry her two years ago, because I told her I was a woman and needed to escape my male body in the nicest way possible. Long story short, it didn't turn out well. I almost lost her, so I tried to put part of my happiness in the back seat, and marry her. In the end I regret marrying her, not because I don't love her, but because I will only end up hurting her. She knows my true self now but I lied and told her "I'm over it." Talk about a lie.... In those two years I have never felt so two faced in my life, its been killing me. I have been fighting a heavy depression a while now as a war rages inside. I look back and remember begging God to "fix" me. Now I feel maybe he's fine with me being who I need to be.
I recently came out to one of my brothers and my father (who is separated from my mother) and only found opened arms and a lot of support. Two years ago when I told my mother, she acted as if I was sick and it would be gone with time... Unfortunately I can't transition in this town. I manage my mother's restaurant and I would instantly kill her business if I transitioned here. Even with this set back, I can still construct an exit plan for when I do decide to escape because my father lives across the world. I just don't want to loose my wife but I know it is inevitable that it will occur. She already told me two years ago that I'm out if I become Naomi. Just as many others have expressed about their wives, she can't stand the idea of being with a woman. Currently I have no kids and I plan to stay kid free just in case. Maybe in the future, I can be the one to have kids (I can only wish...).
Enough of my history.
I'm excited to be here on this forum, there is little to no support near my town for women like myself. This is a great resource. Every time I Google anything with MTF attached, Google links to Susan's! Its libraries worth of information! I hope to post a little here and there but with me being a little on the shy side, I tend to be quiet.
