Mom comparing me to a person without a arm

[Miyah48]

Title says it all. She kind of just want me to forget about it and deal with other things. Her logic is basically there are millions with things wrong with them. Missing arms, missing legs, and they dont change themselves. Why the hell do you have to?I feel strangely dumbfounded to this. I have no idea what to say. None of my usual snappy comebacks come to mind. I mean, I have to change because being a dude isnt me. Its not what I was supposed to be. It makes me feel insecure, sad, and depressed. There used to be a time when it was so bad I contemplated death, and went to a psych ward.  And my mother is telling me not to change? It feels strangely wrong and awful and weird what she said and I have no idea why. Any advice? I need some kind of thing to tell her. I know i need to change and its going to have to happen if i want to lead a somewhat normal and un-insecure life. I just want to live ma. I just want to freaking live!!!!

[Carrie Liz]

Um... what the hell does she mean, people with missing arms and legs don't change themselves? Prosthetics? Therapy? Wheelchairs? The fact that they often have phantom limb sensations and pain because their mind needs to re-adjust to not having that limb there?

If you ask me, she's only proving the point more, not disproving it. People with missing limbs spend a hell of a lot of time and effort trying to restore their body to a point of functionality that resembles what it was before the limb loss as closely as possible. They very well do not just say "oh well, no point in bothering to try and fix this" and pretend it never happened.

[Miyah48]

Um... what the hell does she mean, people with missing arms and legs don't change themselves? Prosthetics? Therapy? The fact that they often have phantom limb sensations and pain because their mind needs to re-adjust to not having that limb there?

If you ask me, she's only proving the point more, not disproving it.

And this is why my face went  when she said this. I think she was talking about her good friend but just wouldn't say it.   She doesn't get why I have to change when somebody like her friend struggled and overcame and didn't have to do anything about it.

[Jill F]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment here. Would your mom rather have a dead son or a living daughter?  Sounds like she needs therapy worse than you do.  The analogy is ridiculous at best.

I hate it when parents think they have all the answers when they clearly have no clue. It took a long time before my parents ever could admit they weren't equipped for this.

Hugs, and best of luck.

I tried to suck it up until I was 43 and it damned near killed me.  Now I'm basically happy for the first time.  The only effective "cure" for gender dysphoria is transition.  Trust me, I tried everything else.

[RosieD]

You have a treatable medical condition that is causing you discomfort (or at least I assume so). It seems a tad perverse to me to NOT seek out the treatment. Why would anyone choose to continue experiencing pain when there is no need? It would be like a person who has lost a limb continually aggrevating the site of of the injury.

Rosie

[Ltl89]

Actually, it sounds more like your mother isn't actually empathizing with those with disabilities rather than using them as a trump card.  Not fair to anyone in the long run.  People have a right over their own body and no one else can know how someone else feels inside with certainty unless they are inside them.  You have the right to be who you are and have control over your own body.  It's as simple as that. I refuse to speak for someone with disabilities because I don't think it's fair for me to assume their mentality. 

[Miyah48]

Actually, it sounds more like your mother isn't actually empathizing with those with disabilities rather than using them as a trump card.  Not fair to anyone in the long run.  People have a right over their own body and no one else can know how someone else feels inside with certainty unless they are inside them.  You have the right to be who you are and have control over your own body.  It's as simple as that. I refuse to speak for someone with disabilities because I don't think it's fair for me to assume their mentality.

The trump card thing sounds more like it. She isnt necessarily the best communicator. More in the realm of impassive dictatorial being. My dad did always say dictator should have been spelled with a k after the c.

[suzifrommd]

Any advice? I need some kind of thing to tell her.

Some people just need to be educated. Make sure she understands some important facts:
* Transgender isn't something we choose.
* No one has ever found a way to "cure" it, and it typically doesn't go away on its own.
* Transgender is serious. People who ignore it frequently face depression, anxiety, and even suicide.
* Transitioning to live as your true gender has been shown to be an effective treatment.

She may need to hear each of these several time before they begin to sink in. I suggest repeating them calmly when she puts down your gender struggle. Can't guarantee it will work, but is probably worth a try.

[fusstangtroy]

I hope your mom will replay ( to her self) what she said to you so she can hear what she spouted out .. Yes you have every right to be happy and health in your own body .. your mother needs to hear how you feel and who you really are at docs offices . I have found out talking with docs and people who are understanding helps you become relaxed with the new you .. Some people will not understand that we have lived black and white world and then we come out our self and then we see the world in color .Are we handicap( no) .But the ones that can not see the true you( they maybe).. Its not crime to be happy and alive .. Have great day ..AKA Sara