So, after a pretty good week of self acceptance and more and more progress toward getting HRT, I decided in the spur of the moment to tell my mother. I wasn't going to, till I had the HRT in my hand, but it just happened. While visiting, I mentioned the therapy, intending to stop there, but she became very concerned and so it all kind of came out.
And she was fine. In fact, she even got emotional on my behalf. I started by explaining gender dysphoria as essentially a female brain which is deprived of the chemical it needs to function correctly (estrogen) and how I've been pumping it with the wrong chemical for years (T) and how it was probably the reason for my behaviour throughout my life, including my depression, etc. As a result, she wrapped me in a big hug amidst tears. She couldn't believe it, but at the same time, it seemed to make sense to her. She was almost as relieved to finally find out what the hell has been wrong with me all these years, as I was to realize it. She had always thought it was something to do with her, my father, or the divorce all those years ago. She started thinking back to my past growing up and saying 'Oh, and you always did that! That was feminine! And that! And that!' hehe.
She couldn't have been more supportive if she tried. She offered me a place to stay if the transition becomes overwhelming, and told me to go ahead with transition since all she wanted was for me to be happy and get past the dysphoria. She literally said 'I want you to know what it feels like to be happy' - guess I never faked being happy as well as I thought.
It was hard for her to comprehend, but that's pretty understandable. She mentioned cross dressing, and when I explained that I had actually been cross dressing my entire life by wearing male clothes, it seemed to really sink in. She was also confused by how it was a separate issue to sexual orientation, essentially asking me if it meant I was gay (I should have said yes, since I like women, but that may have confused her even more).
She said she was going to look into gender dysphoria and spend sometime getting to understand the issue so she could be there for me, which is awesome. I'm really so appreciative right now, I just had to share how happy it's made me! I know that my father will probably disown me, but having my mother be as good as she has about it, almost makes my father's eventual rejection not matter...
She even asked why I wasn't already taking the pills, I had to explain the waits and procedures, and also how it was a big decision to transition, and she understood. She's been on antidepressants for a while, and when I explained that the hormones have a similar effect on the mind of somebody with gender dysphoria, it seemed she got very anxious that I start immediately.
Anyway I'm sorry to ramble, but I just had to share
