How Do I Deal With This?

[Jason C]

I don't know if this counts as dysphoria, but I've started to become...very very upset...about things like my lack of facial hair or the shape of my face. I hardly ever speak and I never look at myself as a whole in the mirror, so my voice and my body shape don't make me feel bad, but would if it was something I remembered more.

As it stands now, I can't watch a movie without noticing a guy's facial hair or their masculine-shaped face (something I never even realised was different in males or females before this) and I get upset. I just started crying because, on top of all the other things I hate about my life, I have these things to cope with too. I went out to the shop a couple of days ago, and I got so upset that I had to sit down and try to calm down so I didn't start crying. I got so upset that I forgot about my anxiety at being around people. So that's pretty severe.

I think this is how a lot of trans guys I've come across feel about things I don't feel too terrible about, like their chest. I do hate my breasts, but I've had them for a long time, so I've had a long time of hating them and a long time of putting it out of my mind, so although I do get those moments, I can handle them. But this stuff, I've never felt like this before. And I can bind my chest, I can't do anything about the shape of my face or my lack of facial hair. I know going on testosterone will help that, but I'm not even out yet, and even when I am, my main thing won't be to immediately get on testosterone, it'll be to just get used to living as I'm meant to.

I don't want to do. Is there anything that helps?

[Christinetobe]

Jason,  the only thing I can say is that I know what you mean and I hope you are seeing a therapist.  A good one can definitely help with your anxiety as well as your dysphoria.  I wish you the best and with time things will hopefully get better.  I will be thinking of you.

[JLT1]

Ya know, I never noticed smooth orbital ridges above the eyes until a person pointed out my huge ridges.  Now, I notice them on everyone.

Same problem, different genders.

I fear the answer for both of us is to get that part that we both see:  you need facial hair, I need smooth ridges.  We just muddle on until then.  It gives us something to look forward to I suppose.

Jen

[Bombadil]

For me, right now, it's my voice. I'm not happy with my face but I can live with it but my stupid voice. Bleh. I agree with Jill that muddling through is necessary. Also, trying to keep distracted so we can't focus too much on the negative aspects. I feel for you, Jason.

[blink]

For me a combination of avoidance (e.g. not looking at certain parts of body) and reminding myself of how many guys (both cis and trans) have similar traits helps. And reminding myself that it won't be like this forever.

For example, with facial hair, lots of men can't grow any. There are cis men who can't grow facial hair at all because of genetics. It's somewhat comforting to think that my current lack of facial hair will most likely change with time on T and, worst case scenario, there's such a thing as facial hair transplant.