Gotta get it off my chest!

[naomi599]

Has anyone ever discriminated against someone else to hide your own secrets?

Looking back to my high school days, I feel like a jerk. I remember pushing the lgbt community down to reaffirm my stance as male even though I knew I a woman on the inside. I never did anything horrible other just talk bad about people out loud to make myself look "big" in front of my Christian buddies. Now I feel bad for those I ostracized in the past. I look back and hope karma treats me accordingly. I was an idiot for trying to hide my own issues by hurting others

There was one moment after I graduated, my wife was working with me and clearly someone was going out in fem for the first time. She gawked and laughed with with a few other employees, all I could do was shudder on the inside. I quickly ran to my office and cried because I wish I could be right by the lady in transition. Eventually I came out of the office and told the server to be kind and as helpful as possible to the lady. I just remained quiet as a brick wall towards my wife that night.

Today I looked back in meditation and asked for forgiveness from God for being a jerk during high school. I'm glad my mind is straightened out. I'm ready to transition. I don't expect transition to be all roses considering there are people like me out there. People that are willing to be fake for the sake of pride. I just needed to get all that off my chest.

[Ishtar]

Hey,

when i was younger, i dont bully known LBGT people, but my views were a bit homophobic. I argue sometimes about gays and represent a really conservative point. Im a bit ashamed about this too, because since i know the background of beeing a part of LBGT i have to accept that most of my arguments were really stupid. In the last years i got more careful with utterances about this topic, because i have this subconscious feeling...
Maybe i talk LBGT just down, to proof my normality. This case would not be unusual and maybe it is the same with you. We are childs of our society. And LBGT isn't a loved part. So you can be happy that you understand now what prejudices mean. The only thing you can do, is to learn from your mistakes and accept that no one is perfect.

Greetings

[big kim]

I was never a bully but being a teenage brat in 70s Britain calling other guys puffs was commonplace,I did it a lot despite being bi I'm sorry and ashamed to say.

[Ms Grace]

Some kid at school once called me "gay"...so I called him a "lesbian". Yes I knew what a lesbian was but it so totally screwed with his brain to be called that he left me alone forever after! I felt stupid for doing it but it was about the only insult retort I could think of at the time that was "worse" than "gay". Probably lucky I hadn't heard of transsexuals then otherwise I probably would have used that instead. I can't say I feel that bad about it, he name called me first, but it was pretty childish banter... I suppose we were kids though, so that's something to keep in perspective Naomi and the important thing is you're acknowledging it now.

[naomi599]

Some kid at school once called me "gay"...so I called him a "lesbian". Yes I knew what a lesbian was but it so totally screwed with his brain to be called that he left me alone forever after! I felt stupid for doing it but it was about the only insult retort I could think of at the time that was "worse" than "gay". Probably lucky I hadn't heard of transsexuals then otherwise I probably would have used that instead. I can't say I feel that bad about it, he name called me first, but it was pretty childish banter... I suppose we were kids though, so that's something to keep in perspective Naomi and the important thing is you're acknowledging it now.

It's funny and warming to me to see that I was actually part of a community of people with the least amount of hate and most passion and love, the lgbt community. If anything much of the south is programmed to hate out of fear of the unknown and I rode that wave to conceal who I was. I finally feel free of that southern fear.

[Christine167]

It's funny and warming to me to see that I was actually part of a community of people with the least amount of hate and most passion and love, the lgbt community. If anything much of the south is programmed to hate out of fear of the unknown and I rode that wave to conceal who I was. I finally feel free of that southern fear.

Absolutely. I still have "jerk" moments but I am far more remorseful about them. And I do feel much more free in life now.

[RosieD]

Live and learn love. So long as you are still learning there is a reason to keep living.

Rosie

[Joanna Dark]

Um, no. I was the kid you beat up. I was the kid who had her pants ripped off in the locker room to "see" it and to find out if "it" was rally a boy or a girl. But, peeps do what they have to do to survive I guess. I mean this post is kind of hard to respond to, TBH. But, really, I'd leave the past in the past as everyone has something they are ashamed of and I'm certainly no angel. C'est le vie.

[Miranda Catherine]

I had an incident in L.A. County Jail in 1990 when I was in the medical ward because of pneumonia. A black transsexual started flirting with me just to put me on the spot and I told her to "Get the f**k away from me before I hurt you", and her boyfriend heard me. I almost got my ass kicked, especially because I was kicking heroin and fighting pneumonia, but I talked my way out of it with the guy. I got her by herself and told her that I'm trans too but didn't have her guts and she hugged me, probably because she saw how much emotional pain I was in. I started to cry. The other time I was nineteen and a good friend of mine told me he and some friends were going down to West Hollywood to 'kick some ->-bleeped-<- ass!" I told him that if he did that or anything like that our friendship was over, and he was shocked, asking me why not? I told him, "because I'm transsexual, Craig, and someday I'm going to live as a woman. I admire them so much for having the guts to do what I can't do yet." Not only did he not go, he talked his friends out of it, by telling them to 'just leave them alone, could you imagine having to live like that?' I had seven very close friends, four of which I told I was trans, two at fourteen. The three I didn't tell till I transitioned I have little or no contact with. I guess I had a pretty accurate understanding of all three.

[naomi599]

Um, no. I was the kid you beat up. I was the kid who had her pants ripped off in the locker room to "see" it and to find out if "it" was rally a boy or a girl. But, peeps do what they have to do to survive I guess. I mean this post is kind of hard to respond to, TBH. But, really, I'd leave the past in the past as everyone has something they are ashamed of and I'm certainly no angel. C'est le vie.

I understand that the past is the past. It was just something I was decompressing earlier that day while reflecting on the past. I decompress my memories every once in a while to find the core reasons for my actions and identity. I can be a little to hyper analytical at times... Other than all of that, I'm sorry for the jerks like me in your past. Perhaps one day I will find ridicule, and on that day I will feel two things, great for finally moving towards a goal and finally understand the hurt.

[HoneyBunny]

I was extremely homophobic when I was younger. It was weird because I thought I was gay for the longest time because I liked guys and never put two and two together until I was like 16. Before that I was extremely bigoted at the time and I hated gay people just so people would not think I was gay. Don't get me wrong, I never physically hurt anyone, but I did name callings and stuff in middle school. Little by little I became more open to the idea that I liked guys and it was not a big deal by the time I was a senor in high school. Although on the outside I had to support things like prop 8, on the inside I detested it and if I could vote in '08 I would have voted against it.

Still this thread makes me look back on how bad I was. As Miranda talked about her story in weho, I remember when I was about 12 i saw visible gay people for the first time. I remember how much I hated them for acting the way they did. It was blind hate really, but it was all a cover to show my dad that I was not like those people. Then when I was 13 two lesbians moved into the house a few doors down. I harassed them just to prove to my friends I was not gay or a ->-bleeped-<- after they found out I had pick the girl character on pokemon crystal. I wish I could tell my self to cool it off back then and just be who I was. My parents are ultra supportive of me and if my younger self knew that I don't think I would have been such a brat.

[naomi599]

I remember picking the girl character in just about every game when I was younger, that was one of my only forms of release in my past considering I lived with four brothers and no sisters. Oh the wonders of technology  .

[Hideyoshi]

I was a conservative near bigot in high school.  Then, I learned about other people, the world, etc, and now I've grown up from those views to be the polar opposite.

[big kim]

One of the biggest homophobes at school grew up to be a racist far right skinhead thug.He's given it all up 20 years ago and has been with his boyfriend for 17 years and turned into a really nice guy.He's very ashamed and sorry for the things he's done,I wonder how many more are like him